10 days in Lvov with an angel

[Guile]

I think if you just started eating meat again and let her eat meat all would be well...nuthin' a good steak can't cure!!

[Wiz]

I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.

I never felt a need to get help. If there is a problem, I fix it or get rid of the problem. You are in control of your own happiness. Don't expect anybody but yourself to get to a happy place.

You obviously mean any kind of the therapist, psychologist etc.

You and I, were born and grew up in very different environments and we had to grow up and learn how to survive under very difficult circumstances. Under these conditions you need to have a very strong character to survive and NOT to fall away by the side of the life road....... not an easy task.

Here my latest life trial.....

Last September, I managed to escape the knock on my door (he only knocks once!) by the “Grim Reaper” but I made a deal with him.

Having escape from his clutches, I promised never to smoke again and 7 months, I  think I have kept my deal and achieved that without any help from doctors or therapists or any patches. I simply stopped smoking, and use sugar free chewy gums and of course chamomile tea and only 1-2 coffees a day. BTW “Manny” all systems are back to normal now and I enjoy the sunshine… we have here.

Of course I have gained a little bit of weight but following my Mediterranean diet, from my cookery book, I hope soon or later my weight it will start going back to normal.

My benefits are clear. No ugly coughing and my Russian wife stopped moaning about the smelling house, and of course I have better chance to see my grandchildren growing up, before “Harros” start knocking my door, again.

Finally I remember somebody said, it the past, a man who cannot get a woman in his country should not go abroad to find one. Here in the UK we have an expression for these people……. SEX TOURISTS.

 

[msmoby]

You deserve praise for doing that.

Agreed

I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.

I never felt a need to get help. If there is a problem, I fix it or get rid of the problem. You are in control of your own happiness. Don't expect anybody but yourself to get to a happy place.

Sorry, but that is NONSENSE ....  I am in agreement ( shock, horror ) with andrewfi  - who readily admits to having sought therapy - no negative implied

You - as in 'we' -  can ( might ) be the problem  ...

I have sought therapy re my  first marriage ( Marriage Guidance Counselling - I wanted my first wife to 'get' that I didn't want to try to save the marriage )  and had a Family Court order to visit a 'Schrink' re contact with my daughters - when their Ma was using them as a tool of revenge - which is EXACTLY what the Court appointed 'Schrinks' concluded both times ...

[msmoby]

Last September, I managed to escape the knock on my door (he only knocks once!) by the “Grim Reaper” but I made a deal with him.

Having escape from his clutches, I promised never to smoke again and 7 months, I  think I have kept my deal and achieved that without any help from doctors or therapists or any patches. I simply stopped smoking, and use sugar free chewy gums and of course chamomile tea and only 1-2 coffees a day. BTW “Manny” all systems are back to normal now and I enjoy the sunshine… we have here.

Wiz, you are a veritable PiA - but I'm glad to hear that you'll be around longer to post ( mostly ) shyte !

[justadude]

I heard from her a few days ago. She is devastated and depressed. She has been unable to leave her apartment and is not taking care of herself. Naturally I feel terrible. I do have some hope, however, that she has hit her bottom and will begin the slow process of getting better. I sent her back a message wishing her well. I tried not to be dismissive, but rather to be supportive in an appropriate way that is not misleading. It takes time to heal.

I hope somehow my words can help a little but they probably can't. It seems that she has cut off herself off from relationships. She says she doesn't want to lie to people and tell them things are OK.

 I assume she has friends, who, like most people, don't have the patience to sit with someone when they are hurting. Perhaps they expect her to bounce back right away rather than being willing to help her process her thoughts. Those last couple of sentences are speculation.

[Guile]

Dude wtf man...you strung this woman along all the time knowing full well you didn't want to bring her over on a fiancee visa. then forced her to abide by your rules. this was doomed from the start and you knew it.

You should never had told her to come, it was a big waste of time man. Now you messed up another girl's life. DAMN.

I told you to let her stay in the States and try to find another man.

[AvHdB]

 This might sound harsh, but I think there are two damaged people in this thread.

Yes Just a Dude was not a honest player, but his Angel came with so much baggage, in the form of hopes and dreams that this entire episode was doomed.

[Steveboy]

I could never in a million years see my self sat with any therapist it simply would never happen ever..

But if for any reason it did, like maybe I was in some mental institution and they put me in a straight jacket and sat me with a therapist Im very sure after a few sessions it would be the therapist who would be leaving the room wondering if he/she had a problem after I finished **** their mind up..

[Contrarian]

This might sound harsh, but I think there are two damaged people in this thread.

Yes Just a Dude was not a honest player, but his Angel came with so much baggage, in the form of hopes and dreams that this entire episode was doomed.

Hopes and dreams is baggage? I’ll have to disagree on that one! An entirely normal woman.

[Bruce Lee]

Is it me or is this story complete bullshit

[Steveboy]

Is it me or is this story complete bullshit

Defo got a funny smell about it!

[dcguyusa]

Is it me or is this story complete bullshit

Whether this story is true or not, I can assure you that there are many people in poverty stricken circumstances in the world who want to get to a better future.  Notice the migration wave on the southern US border and into Europe from Syria and Libya.  There are many people who enter this country dreaming of a better life, but end up a victim of human trafficking.   

https://www.king5.com/article/news/local/seattle/26-women-rescued-during-seattle-human-trafficking-prostitution-bust/281-e23f7c3e-89c7-499c-b763-b9b55d42e184

[justadude]

I heard from her again. She has lost more weight, but she is getting some help now. She has seen a psychologist and is getting some help from her friend.

Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that? Hopefully there will be a semi positive end to the story after she starts to get back on her feet.

I'm choosing the words I write to her carefully. Trying to be validating and supportive and not dismissive or hurry up and get better. On the other hand, it might be selfish of me to continue to communicate. Perhaps now that she has reconnected with her friend (whom she had told me about many times before) I should stop emailing her.

[andrewfi]

Obviously, I do not know your relationship but I can't help but think that maintaining contact is not a good thing, particularly if it is you initiating it.

If I were you I'd be inclined to say goodbye and to not contact her again. If she chooses to contact you then that's her choice, and yours as to how to respond. The only exception to this is if you are sending her money to tide her over until she gets back on her feet, in which case transferring money to her bank account might be OK.

[rosco]

I agree with Andrew.

You continually contacting her is more about easing your guilt and making you feel better. If she contacts you then thats another matter. If she hasn't been contacting you, then let her be and make sure you don't do this to anybody else.

[Manny]

Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?

I'd say so. 

Why not participate in a few other topics? Your experience far exceeds many here now. Experience has value even if it didn't end in a bed of roses.

[dcguyusa]

 People just love bad endings.     

[BillyB]

Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?

I'd like to hear updates but the best thing you can do for her now is cut her loose and never contact her again. For her to move on, she needs to know it's over. By contacting her, you're giving her hope you may be part of her life. Most FSU women would never speak to you again after what happen. I suspect she still likes you.

[justadude]

I agree with Andrew.

You continually contacting her is more about easing your guilt and making you feel better. If she contacts you then thats another matter. If she hasn't been contacting you, then let her be and make sure you don't do this to anybody else.

Yes I think you're right. The last email I sent was over a week ago and has gone unanswered. I think that will be my last attempt. If she initiates contact with me I will be polite, but I doubt she will.

[justadude]

Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?

I'd say so. 

Why not participate in a few other topics?

Maybe because I obviously suck so bad at this that I have nothing of value to offer!

Your experience far exceeds many here now. Experience has value even if it didn't end in a bed of roses.

I suppose you're right. I am not a fan of giving or receiving internet advice. And, I'm not really a fan of giving advice in other circumstances either. I really don't like to come any closer to advice than offering a different perspective (I'm not saying that I've never stepped over the line, either). But, in truth, all I do have to offer is my experience. And, I guess you are right in saying that I do have some of that.

[Contrarian]

Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?

I'd say so. 

Why not participate in a few other topics?

Maybe because I obviously suck so bad at this that I have nothing of value to offer!

Your experience far exceeds many here now. Experience has value even if it didn't end in a bed of roses.

I suppose you're right. I am not a fan of giving or receiving internet advice. And, I'm not really a fan of giving advice in other circumstances either. I really don't like to come any closer to advice than offering a different perspective (I'm not saying that I've never stepped over the line, either). But, in truth, all I do have to offer is my experience. And, I guess you are right in saying that I do have some of that.

Cheer up. Get back to rebuilding a car or any other hobbies you really like and you’ll be fine.

I certainly do agree with Rosco, Andrew and any others that it’s best to cease any and all contact with her.

That’s clearly best for both of you. Find a new gal close to you and enjoy!

[justadude]

Cheer up. Get back to rebuilding a car or any other hobbies you really like and you’ll be fine.

Thanks. I got back together with the local girl for a month. Predictably, she broke it off again. She said she couldn't tolerate my indifference to her. She's absolutely right. Although I wanted to do so, I felt unable to give any more than I was giving.

Right now I'm trying to get the RV ready for a week trip South of the border.

[Contrarian]

Cheer up. Get back to rebuilding a car or any other hobbies you really like and you’ll be fine.

Thanks. I got back together with the local girl for a month. Predictably, she broke it off again. She said she couldn't tolerate my indifference to her. She's absolutely right. Although I wanted to do so, I felt unable to give any more than I was giving.

Right now I'm trying to get the RV ready for a week trip South of the border.

Stop at Adalita’s in Tijuana. A good time is guaranteed. 

However do be very careful. Everything has changed since 20 years ago.

Considering the current political climate it’s probably best to avoid TJ and just head down to Cabo. Hope you have a great time. 

[Olga_Mouse]

My partner is 'mostly' a Vegan... if that's possible... she will occasionally - flip and devour Lamb I've grilled as if she hasn't eaten for weeks - think it much be a hormonal or menopausal thing...

Hormonal, I'd say. I've noticed I can absolutely easily survive without meat \ fish \ chicken 3 weeks in a month, but a couple of days before and during period I am just DREAMING about medium rare steaks...