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Author Topic: 10 days in Lvov with an angel  (Read 61089 times)

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Online AvHdB

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #100 on: March 10, 2018, 06:45:22 AM »
Good news.
I suspect if your schedule allows you to make a trip over, in particular for the interview, it would be a good sign and move.

If possible perhaps a meeting in Western Europe sooner is also an option. She gets to see a favourite city and you can most likely have a direct flight.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Lord of the Dance

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #101 on: March 10, 2018, 07:21:59 PM »
Thanks for keeping us apprised of your situation JAD; happy to hear things are moving right along. In your opinion, does she have reason to be self-conscious about her English or is she easy to understand?
"My soul cries out with a joyful shout that the God of my heart is great, and my spirit sings of the wondrous things that you bring to the ones who wait." - Canticle of the Turning

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #102 on: March 10, 2018, 08:13:26 PM »
Yes I would say she does. Of course I find it endearing but I realize that the language barrier is a real thing and that it presents challenges. When we were together round the clock for several days straight we had some minor conflicts (mostly my snoring kept her awake) and the difficulty of communicating made that worse I would say. I don’t anticipate complete marital bliss but I think we are headed in the right direction now as we get to know each other better.

I have been unable to convince her that my family will be very gracious about her lack of fluency and very welcoming and non judgmental (with a possible  exception for a sibling or two)
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast


Offline Lord of the Dance

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #103 on: March 10, 2018, 09:14:54 PM »
Yes I would say she does. Of course I find it endearing but I realize that the language barrier is a real thing and that it presents challenges. When we were together round the clock for several days straight we had some minor conflicts (mostly my snoring kept her awake) and the difficulty of communicating made that worse I would say. I don’t anticipate complete marital bliss but I think we are headed in the right direction now as we get to know each other better.

I have been unable to convince her that my family will be very gracious about her lack of fluency and very welcoming and non judgmental (with a possible  exception for a sibling or two)

Perhaps her apprehension does hold some merit, but I'd bet you're making sure to speak slowly and clearly with her just the same... she'll get it. I'm becoming eager to start some conversations of my own.
"My soul cries out with a joyful shout that the God of my heart is great, and my spirit sings of the wondrous things that you bring to the ones who wait." - Canticle of the Turning

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #104 on: March 24, 2018, 05:27:32 PM »
Yes I would say she does. Of course I find it endearing but I realize that the language barrier is a real thing and that it presents challenges. When we were together round the clock for several days straight we had some minor conflicts (mostly my snoring kept her awake) and the difficulty of communicating made that worse I would say. I don’t anticipate complete marital bliss but I think we are headed in the right direction now as we get to know each other better.

I have been unable to convince her that my family will be very gracious about her lack of fluency and very welcoming and non judgmental (with a possible  exception for a sibling or two)

Perhaps her apprehension does hold some merit, but I'd bet you're making sure to speak slowly and clearly with her just the same... she'll get it. I'm becoming eager to start some conversations of my own.
There’s no time like the present!

Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????‍♀️ to arrive????
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Offline Lord of the Dance

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #105 on: March 24, 2018, 09:26:10 PM »

There’s no time like the present!

Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????‍♀️ to arrive????

Ha! I can almost feel your anticipation! Keep up the good work JAD, I feel strongly that it'll pay off for you.

Truth be told, I recently got a healthy reality check from another member here kind enough to chat with me. I'm not prepared for my adventure just yet. I need to harden myself through discipline and education (far more than I currently possess). With patience and hard work I'll acquire the stamina and knowledge necessary to find my FSU love.
"My soul cries out with a joyful shout that the God of my heart is great, and my spirit sings of the wondrous things that you bring to the ones who wait." - Canticle of the Turning

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #106 on: May 19, 2018, 10:34:16 AM »

There’s no time like the present!

Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????‍♀️ to arrive????

Ha! I can almost feel your anticipation! Keep up the good work JAD, I feel strongly that it'll pay off for you.

Truth be told, I recently got a healthy reality check from another member here kind enough to chat with me. I'm not prepared for my adventure just yet. I need to harden myself through discipline and education (far more than I currently possess). With patience and hard work I'll acquire the stamina and knowledge necessary to find my FSU love.

Well, good luck to you! This morning we had a video call. She has been in her apartment all day cleaning and reading and stuff with her cat. It occurred to me that she is like Rapunzel, from Tangled, albeit with shorter hair, and her cat is like Pascal. So I guess that makes me Flyn Rider:)
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Offline Lord of the Dance

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #107 on: May 19, 2018, 12:44:17 PM »
Well, good luck to you! This morning we had a video call. She has been in her apartment all day cleaning and reading and stuff with her cat. It occurred to me that she is like Rapunzel, from Tangled, albeit with shorter hair, and her cat is like Pascal. So I guess that makes me Flyn Rider:)

Thanks for the wish of good luck, JAD. It's good to hear from you once again; glad things are carrying on well for you and your lady. Interesting comparison to the movie 'Tangled.' That's the one with all the flying lanterns in the finale, isn't it? I caught it in 2014 when a local summer festival had us screening the movie outdoors. After the viewing, all the kids got wish lanterns and I had to go around (with about 20 other people) helping the kiddos to light 'em up and get them off the ground (easier said than done).

Hey, go make yourself the best Flyn Rider you can be!  tiphat
"My soul cries out with a joyful shout that the God of my heart is great, and my spirit sings of the wondrous things that you bring to the ones who wait." - Canticle of the Turning

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #108 on: May 20, 2018, 03:21:10 PM »

There’s no time like the present!

Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????‍♀️ to arrive????

Ha! I can almost feel your anticipation! Keep up the good work JAD, I feel strongly that it'll pay off for you.

Truth be told, I recently got a healthy reality check from another member here kind enough to chat with me. I'm not prepared for my adventure just yet. I need to harden myself through discipline and education (far more than I currently possess). With patience and hard work I'll acquire the stamina and knowledge necessary to find my FSU love.

Well, good luck to you! This morning we had a video call. She has been in her apartment all day cleaning and reading and stuff with her cat. It occurred to me that she is like Rapunzel, from Tangled, albeit with shorter hair, and her cat is like Pascal. So I guess that makes me Flyn Rider:)

Welcome back bud, stay around and keep us informed.

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #109 on: May 21, 2018, 07:23:18 PM »
Thanks!
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #110 on: May 24, 2018, 05:53:42 PM »
Today we had a text discussion about something important. I have been planning to sell my suburban home and move to a cabin I have in the mountains. I think the Western Real Estate market is a little overheated. What do you think?

Recently I accelerated that time line, planning to make that move in the next 2 months. I've already met with RE agents and the ball is rolling so I thought it was about time I told her. She had been aware of this plan being on the horizon. When I told her I tried to make her feel like I was being considerate of her needs.

This town has a chain grocery store, restaurants, gas stations, a gym, hair salon, etc. In fact, those are all walking distance from the cabin. Her first questions were about taking English classes and getting a job, which I thought was a great reaction.

She also explained that she has never seen the suburb where I live, so what's the difference to her?

The conversation went well. At this point I have no plans to visit again until she goes for her interview. This is her desire as well, although it might be primarily because she wants to make sure I am there for the interview, and she doesn't want another trip to somehow interfere with that.

She is doing well it seems, going to work every day and hanging out with friends and family in the evening and weekends. This weekend she is going on a trip with 8 female friends, a venture which I fully support, both in this case, and in general.

I still haven't sent her any money, and she hasn't asked. I send flowers every month or two.
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #111 on: August 26, 2018, 08:10:20 PM »
Time for a little update. I/we received our NOA2, notice of action two, which means our visa has been approved at the USCIS level. Our case arrived at the National Visa Center last week. The next step is that the Kiev embassy, which will interview her for final approval, will take over the case. My fiance now needs to go get a police report to prove she's not a criminal (other than being a love bandit, haha) and get a medical exam done. I think she will have her  interview some time in the next 2-3 weeks. She got her cat all taken care of and ready to travel, but apparently she must wait 30 days after some shots that were done yesterday for a blood test for the cat. So I'm thinking she will be here in about 5 weeks. It has been just over a year since we first met. We are both scared to death and super excited at the same time!

I have moved to my mountain home and that is where we will live. My suburban home is up for sale. We realize this location will be a challenge for her as there are likely fewer opportunities for her to learn English and work here.

We have discussed some things lately, including compatibility issues, like our different diets (I'm a vegetarian) and different views on shoes in the house (I'll bet you can guess which one of us wants no shoes in the house). We haven't found any deal breakers yet. There are no sure things and there is no reward without risk. We'll see how it goes! It's a fun ride right now.
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Online AvHdB

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #112 on: August 26, 2018, 08:14:21 PM »
These matters take time ~ but your news is positive.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #113 on: August 26, 2018, 08:39:33 PM »
Time for a little update. I/we received our NOA2, notice of action two, which means our visa has been approved at the USCIS level. Our case arrived at the National Visa Center last week. The next step is that the Kiev embassy, which will interview her for final approval, will take over the case. My fiance now needs to go get a police report to prove she's not a criminal (other than being a love bandit, haha) and get a medical exam done. I think she will have her  interview some time in the next 2-3 weeks. She got her cat all taken care of and ready to travel, but apparently she must wait 30 days after some shots that were done yesterday for a blood test for the cat. So I'm thinking she will be here in about 5 weeks. It has been just over a year since we first met. We are both scared to death and super excited at the same time!

I have moved to my mountain home and that is where we will live. My suburban home is up for sale. We realize this location will be a challenge for her as there are likely fewer opportunities for her to learn English and work here.

We have discussed some things lately, including compatibility issues, like our different diets (I'm a vegetarian) and different views on shoes in the house (I'll bet you can guess which one of us wants no shoes in the house). We haven't found any deal breakers yet. There are no sure things and there is no reward without risk. We'll see how it goes! It's a fun ride right now.

Congratulations! I would suggest making some concessions, such as agreeing to leave shoes in the storage area inside the door like she did back in Ukraine.

Remember that she’s left family, friends, language, culture and her job to move across an ocean to be with you.

Good luck!

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #114 on: August 27, 2018, 12:06:14 AM »
Congrats. But why not live in your suburban home?
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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #115 on: August 27, 2018, 02:32:34 AM »
When you mention a 'cabin' in the mountains are we talking the whole Grizzly Adams 'there's a bear in my tin bath' sort of place or a proper home with plastered walls, polished floors, and all the conveniences that a modern woman will want?

Some folks spend part of the summer in their dacha which might be somewhat comparable, but probably closer to civilization, but that's a vacation, not a lifetime.

If you are living the bearded mountain idyll be prepared for some kickback, no matter what she tells you right now! The opportunity to learn English, or lack thereof, will be just one of the smaller issues that she, and in turn, you, will have to face. For a person accustomed to living in an apartment in an urban environment, living full time in the back end of beyond might be a torment akin to solitary confinement in prison.

I'd hold off selling the house if I were you!
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Offline rosco

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #116 on: August 27, 2018, 04:47:06 AM »
If I may, here’s a word of warning from someone who knows.

Your girl will suffer some kind of homesickness and depression at some point. My wife did and there’s no quick fix. She needs access to English language classes, the ability to head out on her own to local amenities and a group to be part of. Possibly even a job but above all a life and some independence.

If you put her not only in physical isolation but total isolation then I can guarantee she’ll be heading for home before you can blink. I recall you mentioned that you won’t be heading back to Ukraine to visit your new family either?

You really need to think this one through because it’s got trouble written all over it. Wait for your first proper argument and whilst you’re stewing in your home environment, she’ll be all alone and ready to leave.

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #117 on: August 27, 2018, 12:35:28 PM »
I recall you mentioned that you won’t be heading back to Ukraine to visit your new family either?

Really?? Maybe you could explain why?? Very strange statement....
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Offline Wiz

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #118 on: August 27, 2018, 03:08:43 PM »
Unreasonable expectations

In an effort to try and be helpful to the OP, I searched my notes and found a post I made in November 2008, few months after I got married to my wife and hope these comments may help the OP in his pursuit for happiness. Bear in mind that circumstances today have change quite a lot, than those old good years.

Unreasonable expectations of life together in a new culture can lead to some interesting and possibly devastating consequences. The ability to prepare an FSU lady for changes in lifestyle hinges on the man's honest portrayal of his true situation in life. Yet, even with full disclosure there is a good chance that some unreasonable expectations will linger in the mind of an FSU lady until she has experienced the new culture first hand. More than likely, your lady will not be the only person with unreasonable expectations. Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.

America and the western world are not really similar to what is portrayed in most movies and television programs. Unfortunately, the media is where most FSU women get their opinions about life in the west. It's unavoidable, but true. We know the real score, and we take it for granted. We realize that the vast majority of Americans are not industrial magnates and that they don't own vineyards in Napa Valley or hobnob with celebrities. However, there is a perception among most FSU people that all westerners, especially Americans, are wealthy. America has money trees, and the streets are paved with gold.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but this is not far from the truth based on comments I've heard while living in Russia in Ufa. Instant wealth is the most common misperception. Other strongly held beliefs that may cause problems during adjustment include: Life in America is a constant vacation, people don't have to work to make a living, everyone travels extensively and the people are friendly because they don't have any problems.

It becomes easy to understand why problems might arise given the disparity between reality and expectations. This is no more true than the unreasonable expectations held by many western men regarding FSU women. The most common misperception of Russian women is that they are docile wallflowers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Russian women have assumed the preponderance of responsibility for the family and social order in Russia. On top of this, most are reliable workers, earn degrees from universities, and to a greater or lesser extent, are opinionated.

Don't make the mistake that because Russian women are sophisticated and intelligent, that they are somehow cold and independent. Expect civility, nor servility. Expect feminine, not feminist. With all their strength, they are still women who want a strong man to lead and protect them. But, they want that leadership in the form of compassion and example, not an iron fist.

May I suggest that you read this article too as you will find it very interesting, despite that is very old. You will find most comments very helpful, as it was written by a Russian woman.

Cultural Differences In Marriage

Good luck anyway

 tiphat
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Online AvHdB

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #119 on: August 27, 2018, 03:16:51 PM »
The post of Wiz has allot of wisdom in it.

Will your bride enjoy cars also how will she adapt to your being a professor. The life style of California is very different to Western Ukraine.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #120 on: August 27, 2018, 03:25:19 PM »
The post of Wiz has allot of wisdom in it.

Will your bride enjoy cars also how will she adapt to your being a professor. The life style of California is very different to Western Ukraine.


Read again the last part of my post as I have added an old but interesting article too.

 ;D
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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #121 on: August 27, 2018, 05:50:43 PM »

Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.

Everyone probably has their own attitude and ideas regarding other people and their cultures.  I spent over a month in an isolated village area many years ago and I could see why so many of the local village people wanted some way to get away from that kind of lifestyle.  When outsiders would come to visit, their first question would be can you help me to get out of here?  Doing farm work and growing your own food gets monotonous  (I read somewhere that suicide was higher for farmers).  There was no variety in the foods that you ate there (due to limitations to what you grew).  I also developed hives after staying there after a few weeks.  It only stopped after I left for "civilized" areas.  Putting myself in the other person's shoes, I know that adjusting to living overseas will be a challenge for me. Living in isolation would only work as long as I had other local natives providing any help for me.  But unless there was something to keep me busy, life can become a monotonous routine.  Probably someone who lives such a lifestyle before would be fine to relocating to the same lifestyle somewhere else.
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Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #122 on: August 27, 2018, 07:40:26 PM »
Although this is a 4000' elevation mountain town, it is not very isolated. The cabin is 1 minute off of a freeway. A major chain supermarket is 7 minutes walking, the Ukrainian mail order bride trifecta, haha, a hair salon, gym and nail salon, are all right next door to the market.

Also, there is a much bigger town 10 minutes driving, with a Walmart and a Home Depot and even an In n' Out.

The "dacha" in which we will be living is a 2 bedroom with new granite counter tops, new stainless appliances, new floors, sheetrock walls (because someone asked), an outdoor 2 person jacuzzi, lots of natural, finished wood, 2 TVs, wifi, etc.

However, I lived in this town for 10 years, ending 6 years ago, and there can be as much as 3 feet of snow on the ground for a few days. We don't get below 28F, and the snow doesn't stay powdery or drift. Nevertheless, there is shoveling to be done from time to time.

I do indeed plan to go along with the no shoes policy in the house. I am trying to get used to it now.

I am trying to sell the suburban house now because I think the housing market has reached a bit of a plateau, if not a peak in my area. Also, I love living in this area.

4 years ago I met my Belarussian GF in this town.  When she moved to my home in the suburbs, she decided she really liked that lifestyle as compared to the mountains. Since I want to live in an area like this, I thought it would be better to do the move before my fiance arrives. Also, asking her to move twice in a year or less didn't seem like a good idea. I think this is a good move for our financial future, but I'll admit it may ultimately be selfish.

Eventually I'd like us to move to the coast. She is aware of this and all the other things, but, as you say, she will not know what things are really like until she gets here. When I told her about the move, she said "What is that to me, I don't know the difference between the suburban area and the mountain area".
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #123 on: August 27, 2018, 07:47:32 PM »
If I may, here’s a word of warning from someone who knows.

Your girl will suffer some kind of homesickness and depression at some point. My wife did and there’s no quick fix.

she’ll be heading for home before you can blink. I recall you mentioned that you won’t be heading back to Ukraine to visit your new family either?

You really need to think this one through because it’s got trouble written all over it. Wait for your first proper argument and whilst you’re stewing in your home environment, she’ll be all alone and ready to leave.
Some good points. You seem experienced and genuinely concerned. I assume you think I shouldn't go through with this? I take your words seriously, although I should say that I don't think you have raised any issues of which I was not aware. Believe me, I have had my share of doubts about this. I'm sure she has also.

How does one make a decision like this? I think I have done my due diligence (although some obviously would disagree) and  don't think I could know any more about the risks until I actually move forward. Based on everything I know , I want to move forward and so does she, with everything she knows. Despite my analytical tendencies, I am also trying to enjoy the butterflies moments.
two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast

Offline justadude

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Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #124 on: August 27, 2018, 09:23:33 PM »
I built her a walk in closet in our bedroom, and a couple more closets in the kitchen. One thing I've wanted is to make sure everything is an upgrade for her. Bigger house vs. her flat, nicer weather, prettier place (45 minutes from Tahoe), bigger closets, kitchen  with a dishwasher, a car vs. public transport, etc.


two 90 day fiance visas, one 73 day fiance. Lived in Lvov and Odessa for 2 years. California native now on the Oregon Coast


 

 

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