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Author Topic: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?  (Read 917 times)

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Online justadude

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How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« on: October 31, 2017, 07:59:21 PM »
I have been wondering lately how FSU women get the idea to marry a foreigner and leave their country. I understand that the idea was more popular in the early to mid 90s after the Soviet Union broke up.
Having spent 7 weeks in Kiev on my 3rd trip to Ukraine last summer, my anecdotal evidence tells me not every woman walking about Ukraine is looking to marry and leave.

I discussed this with my Belarussian ex GF, who already had a green card when I met her in America. "Do you have any friends back home who are looking to meet an American and move to the States?" She said she didn't know any. Incidentally, she is a legal permanent resident of the US but never got a fiance or spousal visa. I don't remember if we had this discussion before or after our 1.5 year relationship ended and she had dumped me for the 3rd and final time, haha. 

I was engaged to another Ukrainian, who was very certain she wanted to move to the US. You can read about that sad story on RUA if you want. I am currently seeing another Ukrainian woman who has said she would move here if things worked out. She says she wasn't necessarily interested in meeting a foreigner.

I wonder what is the common way that women become interested in this sort of thing? I, personally, don't think life is so bad in Ukraine that one should wake up every day dreaming of a way to leave their homeland, and then do some googling and exclaim "I know, I'll become a mail order bride!". I mean there are so many barriers, variables and likely setbacks. They must do some research and find out how difficult and unlikely a successful outcome is. And leaving your home, your country, your family, your job, your language, to go to a brand new place for some dude you don't know all that well is a really big deal.

On the other hand, I suppose the mail order bride idea/myth is alive and well in the FSU, just like it is in the States. Again this is anecdotal, but most people who I talk to about my adventures know about the fairytale of the Ukrainian bride in a box, so I suppose it is also part of urban legend and discussion in the FSU as well.

What do you think?

Offline Poldark

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2017, 05:29:07 AM »
What do you think?
What do I think? I think that if you meet a girl who doesn't want to leave yet you're both in love, don't force her to leave and move over there to be with her, if circumstances allow, otherwise break it off as neither of you will be happy.
my anecdotal evidence tells me not every woman walking about Ukraine is looking to marry and leave
While I've only been to Moscow, I'd say the same, that's not to say they wouldn't be open to it but it's not occurred to them at this time due to the relative prosperity of Moscow, it's more of a dream to move from rural Russia to Moscow than it is to move from Moscow to London for example.

I've actually been giving this entire thing a lot of thought, I've got my trip to Kyiv coming up soon in Dec then again in 2018 before I head back to Moscow with a tour of St. Petersburg after the world cup and my final thoughts are, I don't care if I meet someone or not, my primary reason for visiting these cities is for the culture and different experiences as to what I'd get in Paris, Milan or Geneva.

If I meet and fall in love with a lady while in Ukraine or Russia, then great but I'm not making that my #1 goal, tourist and new experiences is #1 but then I'm also not as old as others looking so I've got a lot longer to find the one, wherever she maybe.

Online Mr strange

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2017, 05:35:27 AM »
For the most true answer to this you have to understand the facts of Ukraine life for the Women.

It simply comes down to that and the cultural thinking and behaviors that make the opportunity of finding love difficult once past 24 years old and with children extremely at that. They have nothing to lose and with agencies close up everywhere many sign up to see where it can go to.

Then men are in short supply and they love to drink while making the money for family is hard when the choices and culture means you can pick a girl and have a new one when ever you want. Being unfaithful is what is expected from his friends so loyalty goes away for something serious and beautiful.

The good girls do have some adventure seeking desire and just doing it using their options for getting what they want but it can get down too it worked for me in a personal friend recommendation. Most important thing is always where love is love is!

So if they say no to leave you do not mean much to them enough to make them leave. You are the man and the leader!


Online Scampo

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2017, 06:05:04 AM »
There does seem to be a thing about FSU women being more open to international relationships than West European women I know.  Anecdotal evidence and a small sample set, admittedly, but of my StbEx-wife's friends, two have had serious relationships with foreigners that could have led to marriage, plus she herself married a Brit.  Both her friends met their ex-boyfriends online.  These are sophisticated, attractive Muscovite girls from top 5 universities, with no reason to flee the motherland like refugees.  I've never known a British female friend to marry a foreigner from a vastly foreign culture and go to his country, although a couple of chicks I know married Aussies, which is more or less the flipside of the UK culture coin.

Russia and Ukraine have historically had a wide diaspora, and the people have such a focus on the nuclear family that for relationship minded girls, finding a good man seems to trump other factors.  Russians are also a curious bunch and they do seem to be especially prone to the allure of the exotic (although whether they make the best integrated expatriates is another question).




Online 2tallbill

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How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2017, 07:38:35 AM »
I have been wondering lately how FSU women get the idea to marry a foreigner and leave their country. I understand that the idea was more popular in the early to mid 90s after the Soviet Union broke up.
Having spent 7 weeks in Kiev on my 3rd trip to Ukraine last summer, my anecdotal evidence tells me not every woman walking about Ukraine is looking to marry and leave.
What do you think?

Bill's opinion:

I think most (90% or more) FSUW want to stay in their country and marry
a local man.

How do they get the idea in their head? Different answers for different girls.
My wife, never considered it until I asked her out for tea and cake (I had to
sweeten the deal) and then won her over. She had never been on a MOB site
or had ever dated a foreign guy.

Some girls have a friend who married a foreign man and they see that they
are happy. Some girls find that they have a flair for languages and are interested
in travel and foreign men seem a little like an exotic adventure. Some girls have
had their hearts broken a few times by various local men and think that a foreign
guy might not do that.

Some girls in the FSU find that when they reach a certain age (thirty something) are
looked at a little like milk past the due date on the carton and aren't considered seriously
for marriage by the local men. Sure the local guys would be happy to bang them for a
while and lay on their couch getting waited on hand and foot but love, marriage and a
family seem out of reach.

Some think that moving away will solve all their problems like some kind of magic
grass is greener elixir. I would avoid those girls.

Some are desperate, (not most, but some are). I highly recommend not riding in on a
white horse to rescue a desperate girl. Desperate girls tend to act desperately and
once they are out of the desperate situation they stop acting desperately. If you are
independently wealthy and wish to rescue desperate girls then go do it but don't get
romantically involved with them.

There are as many reasons as there are girls, but during my nine year search those
above were the most common.


Offline Manny

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2017, 09:47:13 AM »
Then men are in short supply

Men are not in short supply for the women men here may want to target, this is a myth and always has been.

Many old topics on the subject, here is one.

I discussed this with my Belarussian ex GF, who already had a green card when I met her in America. "Do you have any friends back home who are looking to meet an American and move to the States?" She said she didn't know any.

Had you have used 'abroad' you may have got a different answer. Europe is generally preferred over the US as it's closer and culturally more similar.

For women, self export by man is less popular than it once was. This was once a booming industry, not any more. Now is the trailing end of the bubble.

Online leslied

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2017, 11:12:04 AM »
My opinion -

16+ Years ago when I was searching the MOB scene in Russia and Ukraine was declining but it was still possible to find women who wanted to leave because it was still seen as an option then.  Nowadays I  think the MOB scene and foreign facing agencies are mostly scam.  Designed to take money from naive guys who will never get their ass on the plane.

The main driver for emigration is the state of the economy.  This means that Russia and Moscow/St Pete are perhaps the worst places to search.  The Ukraine economy is busted people there are poorer now than they were 20 years ago, so Ukraine is still an option.  Again Kiev and Odessa are perhaps the worst places to look.  I think you will have better prospects in the smaller cities - Kharkiv, Dneper etc. 

Read Bills comments I reckon they are all valid.  Forget ideas that Slavic women are all the same.  They are just as variable as western women - From Domineering to submissive. Honest to pathological liar.  The key to success is to chose the right woman for you - not the first one who will have you!

There are still a large pool of women who will consider emigration - if they meet the right guy.  Realize that most tours and foreign facing agencies have a bad reputation now. Think prostitutes and sex tourists.  You need to meet regular women.  More difficult now but still possible.


Offline Poldark

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2017, 12:27:20 PM »
The main driver for emigration is the state of the economy.  This means that Russia and Moscow/St Pete are perhaps the worst places to search.
Oh, not what a guy wants to read. So looking in Moscow is a bad idea or it's just harder? I can handle harder but not impossible and considering my last trip I'd say it's hard but no harder than London, just in Russian rather than English :plane:
They are just as variable as western women ... submissive.
Hehe, I had a fantastic experience with a very submissive lady while in Moscow, while out for drinks she was billy big bollocks but take her back and she's all into being used and abused :D :ROFL: or did you mean a different kind? :innocent:
More difficult now but still possible.
Certainly possible but I think age plays a huge part as well, from what I've worked out a lot of guys went over aiming for someone a few years younger than them which isn't going to happen, it does but it's also rare. I'm excited for my trip to Kyiv, wish the damn thing would happen sooner and then back to Russia after the world cup as buggered off!!!!

Online msmoby

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2017, 02:13:33 AM »

Oh, not what a guy wants to read. So looking in Moscow is a bad idea or it's just harder?

I think Piter or Moscow are great places to look - as there are more ladies to choose from.   Not every lass is seeking a huge economic upgrade - rather stability, from her partner.... ;)

Personally, I looked for the woman - not where she lived..   I'd recommend considering Siberian cities - most men can't be bothered to fly so far east.  Lot's of the modelling agencies head out there ... talent spotting ... 

I was married to a Siberian woman - who though nearly fifty now - still looks like she is a sister - next to her son... As you can see they are deeply respectful women..





Online leslied

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2017, 06:49:05 AM »
Poldark,

Look in Moscow and St. Pete if that's your plan.  You can be lucky most anywhere.   Kiev is a wonderful city you will certainly enjoy your visit.  Be careful of the women you meet there - some are expert in fleecing tourists...

I was not alluding to BDSM meanings of submissive or dominant but general personality traits.  Some women are quite happy  to leave decisions to the men in their life.  They want their man to take the lead.  Others are extremely bossy and want everything their own way. Of course there are every shade between these extremes.  The urban legend that Slavic women are submissive "Stepford Wives" is bulls#it.  I personally know two Russian women who have turned their men into "house husbands"

The key is selection.  Chose a woman who is open and honest.  Mentally stable.  Communicative and a team player. 

Do not get involved with women who have another plan, emotionally unstable types (ask Scampo!) or women who expect you to provide everything. 

Best of Luck!



Online 2tallbill

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How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2017, 09:06:55 AM »
Men are not in short supply for the women men here may want to target, this is a
myth and always has been.

+1 this is especially true for women in the 18-29 range. Unless one of those
women have something wrong with them they are actively pursued by the
entire male population of their country. If a man wants to pursue a woman
in this age group then he must have decent or above average social skills
and he needs to make sure that he didn't cull a defective* from the herd.

If a guy is a healthy, active 60 year old with average or better social skills and he
wants to pursue an attractive, educated 45+ year old fit woman that isn't cRaZy,
on Prozac or doesn't have weird sexual hangups he could line up hundreds of
them.

There is a surplus of women in the over 40 age group in my opinion. Which is
not the group most men target, which is why Manny commented the way he
did.


For women, self export by man is less popular than it once was. This was once a booming
industry, not any more. Now is the trailing end of the bubble.

I think that the bubble has popped. In my opinion the guys without good social skills
who seek the young hotties are going to have problems. I'm not saying it can't be done
but for the confident man with excellent social and communication skills that have a bit
of humor, they can go anywhere in the world and be successful.


* Defective: There are broken, cRaZy and dishonest women in the FSU. You don't try to
fix them, you don't hope that they will get better with love and affection, you send them
back to the herd and select another. There are plenty of defective women in the West, you
don't need to go to the FSU to import one.



Online rosco

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2017, 09:13:08 AM »
I would add that in my opinion and experience, people from the FSU are generally open minded about travel be it a past time or ambition. This could well be a hang over from the USSR days, when this wasn't really an option.

I think there's an idea of opportunity & adventure in most FSU folks but particularly the young and single. Be it romance, naivety or simply looking to better themselves I see many of my wives friends, both male and female spreading their wings.

I enjoyed visiting Ukraine & Belarus but if I were single, I highly doubt I'd be getting married at 19 to my school sweetheart, having children and working at the plant.....like so many do.

Life's for living and as Scampo has already said, I know plenty Scottish girls doing a year or two in New Zealand & Australia and not coming home - until married with kids.

Online Maxx

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2017, 09:49:25 AM »

* Defective: There are broken, cRaZy and dishonest women in the FSU. You don't try to
fix them, you don't hope that they will get better with love and affection, you send them
back to the herd and select another. There are plenty of defective women in the West, you
don't need to go to the FSU to import one.

Besides the ex, which was somewhat hidden with her mental health issues, the RW before her fit that bill to a 'T'. She was a paraonoid sketzo who confused imagining things to reality.

Online Tripleg

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Re: How do FSUW get the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner?
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2017, 04:22:32 PM »
Long time lurker on these forums as I like to read more than to contribute. I may as well contribute a short trip report and also counteract the subject of this thread and basically say that vast majority of FSUW women do not seriously entertain the idea of leaving home to marry a foreigner. The amount of those that do I would put at no more than 5% (which of course still leaves millions of women who would).

Seems many of you prefer to meet women online but to be honest sometimes the best experiences are the one's where you do spur of the moment things. In my case after many years of unsuccessful dating (sometimes completely giving up on dating for months at a time and just pursuing my career) and fuming about it in the west I decided I needed to relocate closer to FSU. Being a long-term worker for a large International Organization I started looking at all opportunities how I could land a gig either in EU or FSU. So finally ended up relocating this year to Austria from USA. I'd be lying if I said one of the reasons why I relocated was because I wanted to improve my dating chances. 

I arrived to Belarus on October 26th and was greeted with snow on the ground already. Temperature ended up being barely above freezing for the next 4 days with constant rain...This had a negative effect on me as trying to meet women was really only possible indoors and number of people on streets and going out in the evening was quite low. Chance of long-term shitty weather is definitely something to consider for you guys when visiting BY. Basically November - March you want to avoid. In the past I had relied on meeting women in the FSU online but I had gotten tired of this method especially since I see much better talent on the streets and in various public establishments so I had no online dates lined up this time. Also, based on previous experience my best dates ended up when I met women at lounges, parks, and bars and NOT online.

Although I am a veteran of travels to Belarus I may say that some things surprise me and others do not about this country and especially Minsk every time I visit. The positives outweigh the negatives. As always landing at Minsk National airport is a pleasant experience as you are immediately confronted by border guards who tend to be all female and near model-material. You can see 7's+ in all types of government and service jobs, no matter how low-key these jobs may be. I even saw a young street cleaner at Gorky Park who would be considered "model material" in the west but here no one pays attention to her. Almost all the local guys are dating up and the only guys dating down are the foreigners. Of course a Belarus 7 is still an 8.5 in the West so many of these foreign guys you can see walking with a grin on their face as if they just struck the lotto.

One thing I absolutely love about Minsk is the cheap rental properties. This is still one of the few European capitals where you can get a nice flat in the heart of the city for less than 30 Euros per day. I stayed at a remodeled Stalin Era apartment overlooking Square of Victory and had a fancy cafe right below my window, a 24 hour pharmacy next door, a private balcony overlooking Gorky Park, and metro only 100m from my window. There is no point in staying in a 4 star hotel here and paying 150 Euros per night when in even better locations (for example by Holy Cross Cathedral) you can get the same via private apartment. When I stay in Minsk I tend to use booking.com for my reservations.

To continue my observations one thing I noticed is that there are negative aspects of the west creeping even into Belarus. Compared to last year I saw more tattoo's and piercings on girls, more goth and hipster types, girls with short hair, fewer high heels and dresses now and obsession with phone's.

Just being pleasant, speaking (or trying) Russian, well-dressed, and going to the right places can yield good results. Thank God the local girls don't seem to expect the guys to be "tall, dark, handsome" as in the west nor do you need to game super hard. I would listen in on a lot of conversations from couples and saw local guys trying to pickup. They would be direct but pleasant, there was no need for clown game or witty lines as in the west. Girls here tend to be much more on the serious side and calculating which is something that I totally love since I am not a funny guy (though I do try the sarcastic Putin type humor from time to time).

I noticed that the number of foreigners hasn't really changed. I was expecting a disaster like Kiev, with groups of foreigners of questionable backgrounds going there for a "certain type of tourism" and although it is a growing problem you won't see too much of it except for a few places (more on that later). I saw a slight uptick in Spanish/French tourists but these guys should not be much of a competition as to be honest almost none of them speak Russian, stick in groups of 3-4, drink heavily and are there short-term for the weekend. Unlike the past I got the feeling that many girls are no longer that excited to talk to foreigners and really just go out with their girlfriends to chit-chat as many have dull, low-paying jobs in the government sector and what they are really looking for is more local guys who can do provider game (pay for dates, drinks/food, take them to dachas, etc.) but not necessarily for them to leave the country or to struggle communicating with guys who don't speak Russian well enough.

Speaking of foreigner factor I saw no difference in reactions when I told girls that I was from one of 3 countries...mind you in other places like Russia they'd at least be curious but here the only one's who seemed to like a bit of the exotic factor were the male patrons at the various pubs I frequented and even then they just wanted to practice their English/German with me. I would say the best reactions are probably reserved here for the Scandinavian guys however even then it's a struggle. I look Scandinavian and speak near fluent Russian but had to put in the work with limited results.The date I was with on Friday was constantly telling me about her wish to travel to Switzerland and Germany but even after 5 hours of sight-seeing, including wining/dining I could only manage a kiss.

A Russian guy I met at a fancy spot called "The View" told me that he kills it here On Tinder and I saw him with a blonde bird who was about an 8 but then again he struck me as a competent, rich player who can do "provider game" well. Las year when I tried Tinder it was okay but I didn't have the energy to keep chatting and had tours lined up every day so never fully pursued leads. To be honest online dating here reeks of desperation and seems to be used more so by the very young generation (under 21) or the divorcees/women with kids who missed out on having a solid relationship and now are over 35 and cannot find a serious relationship...they are the one's who then out of sheer desperation are going online, looking for foreigners and thinking of relocation to the west. However neither one of these age groups interests me. Girls i've spoken to her tend to meet guys via social circle, usually formed during their university days.

The average marriage age here is very young and by the time they are 25/26 many already have a kid...Unlike western capitals (even one's close by like Vilnius and Warsaw) on average there is a higher chance in Minsk that the cute 26 year old you meet on the street will have a ring on her right hand or will mention that she's married. Approaching women in the cold usually results in a shy interaction (from her side) and chance of a number or contact info is small (at least for me), especially if somehow you end up blurting the truth that you're here only for short-term, interest then in a relationship is lost very quickly. For these types of pickups Kiev would be better as girls tend not to be as shy and more exposed to foreigners but Kiev has its own set of issues that I could talk about in more-detail in another post.

One thing I did notice is that the prices for food/drinks have gone up tremendously since the last few times I visited. A cocktail at a good bar (like Calvin Coolidge bar near oldtown) set me back 15 Rubles, which is around $7. Other places like 442 bar (great place for Sports) were charging 20 Rubles for cocktails. Food prices have also gone up so it boggles my mind how these places can stay in business or how the locals can afford some of these places since an average salary is only around a thousand rubles per month and you don't see that many tourists around who would frequent these places.

As for places I tried to meet women this time I ended up visiting lounges, music clubs (TN'T Rock club in Minsk is one of the best i've been to recently, especially if you like Hard Rock/Grunge Music) and quieter places like coffee bars (Cafe Union downtown is a good place). Insomnia bar in Old Town was also quiet nice, had good conversations there with locals and the crowd is a bit older so not bad to hit on girls in their mid 20's to early 30's.

I ended up visiting Double Tree Rooftop bar and also The View (which is the highest lounge in Minsk on 28th floor of a business center). The former place had some of the highest talent i've seen in my Euro travels. However did see a lot of hookers and semi-pros there. I approached a lot of sets with a another friend of mine who was visiting only to be asked couple sentences into the conversation where I was staying. Angrily I would walk away but just could not force myself to leave this place as in the back of my head I was still fantasizing about meeting a normal girl who would give me her number and then would want to go on dates.

Some of the clientele at this place were obvious sex tourists or Russian businessman who had a few too many drinks and had taken off their rings. Based on language some were older Italian/Arab guys propositioning local girls openly. Did not stay long at this place but did make a note that if you catch one of the few regular girls at this place then you'd be a happy guy just due to the sheer beauty.

The other place I mentioned The View had a nicer scene but did not have many people both times I went. I did make a note that it is the place to take a date if you want to impress her. The views were incredible (reminded me of the Golden Circle Hotel in Moscow), the drinks selections ridiculously good and certainly the best "exclusivity" vibe in the city.

As for my personal experience this trip I was there for only 4 days as living in Europe now I can afford more frequent (albeit shorter) trips. One difference is that due to the lack of time there was no point in dating much so just going for numbers to get some quick validation was sufficient for me as well as for seeding future visits. I found the girls less interested in my "exotic" factor and I feel that with the slight increase with foreigners visiting the country and the exposure via various media about life in the west (and how f#cked up things are in most countries with the politics and violence) most educated girls no longer have feelings of moving to the west or seriously dating foreign guys. For them visiting Mediterranean beaches couple times a year is sufficient. They seem to have accepted the fact that they live in a stable country with low unemployment, almost no crime (this is still a police state after-all) and many free government services such as universal healthcare, subsidized energy prices, and free higher education.

Also, just to add an example I was sitting at a pub and overheard a conversation between a German guy and his Belorussian girlfriend. The German guy was chubby and about 10 years older than his girl, who was easily 1.5 points higher than him. Obviously a regular in Minsk as his Russian was advanced this foreign guy and his gf were mostly speaking about work and her travel plans. This girl was planning a trip to see him in the near future. On multiple occasions I heard her saying that she was satisfied with her current situation in Minsk and did not want to move in with him in Germany even though he tried to put forth various arguments for her to move.

As Bill and others have mentioned contrary to popular belief vast majority of FSU women would never entertain relocating overseas to be with a foreign husband as the above quick example shows. Bill put the percentage at 90% but in conservative, stable countries like Belarus I would put the number at 95% of women who would not want to leave. The difference in thinking and cultures is too great and in all honesty I think the relationships that do work out the most are probably one's where the lady is over 35 with a kid and meets a slightly older western guy who she thinks can be a good dad to the kid and provider. Unless a woman has some mental scars I cannot fathom someone educated and between the prime ages of say 21-30 actively looking for a foreign husband (though shows like 90 day fiance https://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/90-day-fiance/ would want us to believe otherwise)

That's it for my quick notes now but feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.

Offline GreyScales

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  • Trips: 1-5
The Wheat and the Chaff
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2017, 01:25:12 PM »
So...  Let's say, for the sake of argument, that there are 1% or even 2% of women in the FSU that *may* consider a WM and moving. And even if the numbers are in the hundreds of thousands, the question becomes sifting thru the Chaff to get to the Wheat.

I know from reading B.B's TR's that he spends a LOT of time on the ground in country. From reading what others have also written, being on the ground is the "key".

If a WM wanted to make a trip - whether it was WOMO( Write One, Meet One) or WMMM(Write Many, Meet Many), the question in my mind becomes - where to look with a reasonable chance at meeting someone worth going and meeting.

I know we have folks here that are involved with sites as well as a LOT of us that have gone to / used sites. It seems to me today, based on sites here in the US and internationally, that almost all sites have the same economic model - attract as many women as possible (free memberships) and charge the men to chat, gifts, meetups, etc.

To me, there's no incentive for the woman to focus on one guy - especially prior to meeting. For the guy, the opposite is true - focusing on one or two in order to not break the bank.

What am I missing?

GS