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Author Topic: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "  (Read 361 times)

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Online htrj

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Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« on: September 25, 2017, 02:36:30 PM »
A handful of you will remember me from a few months ago asking about a Belorussian girl I have encountered in Spain.

Well, I've taken your advice and Ive gone to see her. She's great. She's bright, inquisitive, well mannered, funny and there is something very satisfying about watching guys jaws drop as her legs mesmerize them when she struts across the restaurant......   :nod:   

As I mentioned before, whereas many of you guys are actively seeking companionship with women from that corner of the planet ive fallen into this subject, and that's way i'm back here.

Now, i've got no trouble at all pairing up with this woman. We are genuinely quite well matched. As for the sort of relationship she is looking for, I believe her Russian exes have not treated her well and she simply wants a reliable man who will treat her with more respect than she has experienced up to now. She may want EU citizenship but the more I think about that the more I think that is not her intention. For one reason, I believe she is entitled to Polish citizenship by decent and secondly she looks so great she could make any guy fall for her. She's surrounded by British, German, Scandinavian and Latin guys who would cheerfully walk her down the Aisle, so why would she come after me if thats all she wants? In that respect, I cant offer any more than those guys.

However, her EU visa has expired. So before I get too attached to her collection of what must be "anti-gravity" underwear how much trouble am I letting myself in for here?

Online andrewfi

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2017, 03:13:37 PM »
Hang on a moment. If she had residency in Spain, which she would have had to have in order to remain there, then her visa does not just run out. She'd have had a residence permit and that's good for five years (at least in all the other places I have experienced) and renewal is pretty much a foregone conclusion if she was working and paying taxes.

You told us that she told you she was working so she'd have had a residence permit or have been there for up to five years illegally. If illegal there's no visa to have just run out.

Bottom line somebody is telling someone a story that isn't true. I don't know who that somebody is but the someone is here writing these words.

Next, yes, 'Russian' women will tell one how terrible Russian men are when they want to flatter one by comparison. It is scamming 101. If she has been in Spain for half a decade why are all her exes Russian?
Again, somebody is telling someone a story that isn't true.
BUT because I am a charitable bloke who has met abused women and had to deal with them, let me share a secret: If this woman has a history of bad relationships then she is not going to suddenly become a woman who has good relationships.

If this woman is telling the truth (and I do not think the words you have written are true representation of this woman's reality) then, no matter how hot she looks, she will be a bad match for you - unless you are an abuser and willing, happy even, to give her that which she has been seeking out and finding throughout her adult life.

Sorry if that does not make you feel happy or well disposed toward me, but stuff is what it is. Here's another simple truth: if this woman is as hot as you say she is and garners the attention that you tell us she does then there's something wrong with her. Don't flatter yourself that you are somehow better than everyone else she knows - you are not. You are just a normal (at best) bloke and the reason she is on her own is because of the shit that is her life. You are the best option she has available, or perhaps she has other irons in the fire that you do not know about; neither is a good thing for you.

Oh, before you tell us how special you are, don't bother. If you were so special you'd know it and not be bothering with this sad case because you'd already have your special one, or two, or three!

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus

Offline AvHdB

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2017, 07:45:57 PM »
. . .  let me share a secret: If this woman has a history of bad relationships then she is not going to suddenly become a woman who has good relationships. . .

Andrew has pretty much hit the nail on the head. Like Andrew I suspect there is  ALLOT that you do not know.

Others will note that rarely do I yell (BOLD & CAPS) My suggestion learn to walk before you run with scissors*.


* pun intended. 
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot


Online msmoby

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2017, 12:21:57 AM »
A handful of you will remember me from a few months ago asking about a Belorussian girl I have encountered in Spain.

Well, I've taken your advice and Ive gone to see her. She's great. She's bright, inquisitive, well mannered, funny and there is something very satisfying about watching guys jaws drop as her legs mesmerize them when she struts across the restaurant......   :nod:   

As I mentioned before, whereas many of you guys are actively seeking companionship with women from that corner of the planet ive fallen into this subject, and that's way i'm back here.

Now, i've got no trouble at all pairing up with this woman. We are genuinely quite well matched. As for the sort of relationship she is looking for, I believe her Russian exes have not treated her well and she simply wants a reliable man who will treat her with more respect than she has experienced up to now. She may want EU citizenship but the more I think about that the more I think that is not her intention. For one reason, I believe she is entitled to Polish citizenship by decent and secondly she looks so great she could make any guy fall for her. She's surrounded by British, German, Scandinavian and Latin guys who would cheerfully walk her down the Aisle, so why would she come after me if thats all she wants? In that respect, I cant offer any more than those guys.

However, her EU visa has expired. So before I get too attached to her collection of what must be "anti-gravity" underwear how much trouble am I letting myself in for here?

Welcome back, htrj,

Everyone's got skeletons in the cupboard and it's more about if those skeletons are ghosts that come back to haunt you both or if they are dead and buried.

If she makes you happy - take things at your pace and visit her in Belarus, again and observe if she introduces you to family / friends. If she has a chance to get an EU passport - great - it will make things easier for you in the future. Why not make this part of being together, rather than taking her on expensive holidays - take trips to Poland and help her get citizenship ?   




Online htrj

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2017, 02:01:17 AM »
Good to be back, thanks for the welcome.

Andrew, one of the first things I learned from signing up for this website is how invaluable it can be to employ a healthy cynicism, such as yours. As ever, you raise several important issues.

The first is to use the phrase "Russian Visa". Dont shoot her down for this. This is my poor terminology and I hold my hands up. I was imagining she was allowed to live and work in the EU under a similar arrangement that I have lived and worked in Australia. In my instance, my visa expired and I was no longer allowed to live or work in Australia. How you explain the situation is far more akin to how she explained her situation to me, although, apparently she is not as confident as you that after 5 years she is entitled to a renewal. Perhaps this is because she knows more than I, perhaps its just human nature to have less confidence in bureaucracy when you are on the receiving end. At the moment my primary concern is where I fit into this system, if at all.

Also, who said her exes were either plentiful or all in Spain? Not me! As far as I am aware she was with the same guy for all the time she has been in Spain, and for a while before. Have things gone sour between them or maybe they are colluding to prey on British men to finance there life in the sun? Again, I know ive got to keep my wits about me.

As for me telling you how special I think I am, she is or we are - dont judge me by your standards! I'm not 12 and youre not infallible! Even if it is just a simple "boy meets girl" im not perfect, she isn't perfect and this isn't perfect. If it is that simple, and I am not suggesting for a second it is, I like her and she seems to like me. However, the reason I signed up for this site is because I felt I should approach this woman with caution. My focus was, and still is, on the many horror stories that surround FSU dating but what you have all taught me is to alter the focus of my caution. Im focused on the financial scam, passport mule aspect where as, on both occassions I've come on here, ive gone away realising I need to judge this woman on her merits, positive and negative.  Thanks to both of you for your advice.

Offline AvHdB

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 02:39:21 AM »
htrj,

Thank you for clarifying some of the points.

Until you spend serious time with ms. BelyyEspaña it is all a bit of a guessing game from our side. Certainly if you ask based on further information that you provide, is this normal or what do you guys think. You will hear our opinions and thoughts.

Some comments expressed might be pithy others rosy dosy. Figure out what fits and take it from there. Good Luck. 
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Online andrewfi

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2017, 03:03:44 AM »
To be honest, I think the concerns I raised are not dismissed by your post above!

Nope, I am far from fallible, but each mistake, each error informs the rest of my life and usually for the better.

It was you who told us about her previous experiences. I took an inference from what you wrote. If she has had only one relationship then that's not quite what you told us before. :) Again, if she is telling you about how bad Russian men are then you are likely being set up for something not good for you.

The chances are that this woman is not setting you up for any kind of scam. Most people simply can not do such a thing. It takes a certain kind of mentality to manage ongoing dishonesty in such a way that the target believes what he(she) is told.

What you are sharing tells us of a woman who is alone with a baby, who is not able to live legally where she chooses to live, who is emotionally manipulating you so that you take upon the role that she needs right now, who is very attractive but is, for some reason unable to keep a bloke with her - and that raises issues of fidelity if she was with  the same bloke for a long time.

None of this is good stuff no matter how shaggable she is. My point about you was that you flatter yourself if you think you offer anything that the people you referred to previously can not offer. There's good reasons why she ain't with those guys and those good reasons are unlikely to be to your benefit.

Meanwhile, in a different, but not dissimilar world, the very attractive daughter of a friend of mine...
This girl, I have known since her mid teens, is very, very attractive, physically. She is also lazy, reliant on her good looks and can be a shrew, again reliant on her good looks to get away with it.

Because she looks good without her clothes on and she is lazy she chose to be a 'dancer'. For the right person this work is great, it is easy, has a touch of glamour and is a great way to meet well off blokes willing to be generous. Many girls use stripping in high end clubs as a form of dating agency. She trotted off to Monaco as quite a few do. She ended up with a kid, the baby, or rather the growing bump in her belly, was undoubtedly used as bait and trap. The father wanted nothing to do with a young girl who thought presenting him with a baby was a good idea.

She ended up back here, looked and did not find, a suitable candidate for father to her rather sun tanned baby and, no I was not interested enough either.

So, beck to France, leaving baby with mummy. Now she has a new bloke, I gather marriage is on the horizon and, at some point, new hubby might meet the kid.

If you didn't know the back story and you met this girl you'd see a very attractive, sexy, sociable, young woman. You'd get hard enough to nail bits of wood together and she'd encourage you in that feeling. You'd wonder why she did not have a residence permit and you might wonder why none of the very wealthy guys she was meeting on a daily basis had not enabled her retirement from stripping as had happened to so many of her colleagues.

But when you got married to her,well, then you'd know!

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus

Online msmoby

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2017, 03:22:14 AM »
htrj,

Thank you for clarifying some of the points.

Until you spend serious time with ms. BelyyEspaña it is all a bit of a guessing game from our side.

Perhaps you could refrain from guessing ? ..:)

Online htrj

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2017, 04:45:59 AM »
Believe or not, Andrew, while you are probably more experienced than I you and I actually think fairly alike. Our only mistakes are the ones we don't learn from.....

I agree with you something may be amiss. The greatest difference between me and anyone else on here is that we are approaching this from a different perspective. I am trying to think with my real brain while fighting the thoughts of the other brain that is getting "hard enough to knock bits of wood together". You can all offer objective advice, which is what I am receiving and believe me I am grateful. So while I successfully fight off my own rose-tinted, mills and boon, horse crap you lot feel free to slap me straight with tales of woe from the real world. One way or another I should be able to find a balance for myself from there on.

As for Ms Belospana, I accept what you say and there may be similarities here. From my own perspective my beloved Uncle married a British woman who was in a similar predicament to this girl. She had a young boy from a previous relationship and they remained happily married until my Uncle died. That boy, who was not his own, was more distraught at Johns funeral than any of his own kids.

The truth is although Ms Belospana situation is pretty shitty it is not exceptional and it is plausible. She is not super model hot, she has great legs and I am astounded that both T and A can still point in that direction at the age of 35 after having a kid. She is not out of my league, and she is not getting any younger. She is a woman and I seem to make her chuckle. Women do funny things when blokes do that to them.

I think the bottom line here is that I need to know this girl better. Albeit armed with your views and concerns. Guess im back on the plane again.  :plane:







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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2017, 07:47:44 AM »
Let us know how your flights are to Spain and if you can tickle all the right spots of Ms. 'Belospana' . . . .

You can learn something about her by her child and how she views, treats and raises him, even he is little more than a sproglet.

“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2017, 11:32:13 AM »
Funny you should say that, about the kid. It was what she was telling me about him that convinced me I should go and see her.

A few months ago and with her in mind, I watched all the FSU bride agency videos on Youtube all telling me how these women are very loyal, independent, great house keepers, hard workers, fantastic mothers etc etc etc and I came away from every video thinking "what a load or marketing agent twaddle that was".  Since then and having got to know her better I begin to think there is an element of truth in it.

British culture is very anti children. To many people here kids are just an inconvenient side effect of shagging. Something to be endured until they turn 18 and you can finally get rid of them. I dont like it and I dont know any other culture that thinks like that. If what she tells me is true she'll do anything for that kid. She hasn't got a bad word to say about him. She works hard in a job she hates never taking a day off even when she got a head full of cold just to make sure he's got what he needs. - maybe thats just where I come into it.

Shall we try and put some meat on the bones of this? How am I going to find out more about the ex?


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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2017, 01:03:44 PM »
Shall we try and put some meat on the bones of this? How am I going to find out more about the ex?

Hopefully she does not have too much meat on the bones.

To answer the second question spend time with her. Eventually you will see the true nature of your lovely ms. Belospana.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2017, 01:32:11 PM »
Apart from practical matters such as custody and support of the kid I'd not push it. If there's anything she doesn't want to tell you she will lie or get pissed off with you. There's no win.

Get to know the person.

Good that you are now starting to relate to her more realistically. She is no longer some kind if goddess but a real person. A reasonably attractive woman of early middle age. That's a good thing for you.

But also, it tells us why she is so keen on you.

On the whole I would suggest not investigating her past too much. It is what it is and she us what she is because of the path she followed. Push her and she will lie or get angry and push you away.

Accept what she is and deal with the situation as it exists today.

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus

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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2017, 03:22:22 PM »

British culture is very anti children. To many people here kids are just an inconvenient side effect of shagging. Something to be endured until they turn 18 and you can finally get rid of them. I dont like it and I dont know any other culture that thinks like that.

I'm sorry, but whilst we have over-worked and under-paid  Social Welfare Officers trying to help the kids of parents who 'should have been sterilised' before the act and are indeed spongers and layabouts - this sub-culture is the exception -not the rule in the majority of Britain I experience.


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Re: Crash course in dating a Belarusian " Chapter 2 "
« Reply #14 on: September 27, 2017, 01:40:49 PM »
That was a huge generalization. Of course not all British people hate their kids but there are plenty of families who are not spongers or layabout with that attitude and plenty who are and genuinely love their kids.