Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?

[Poldark]

I was chatting to a girl from Moscow over iMessage and FaceTime who I met through Tinder in preparation for my trip, we got on very well leading up to when I was meant to go over however due to unforeseen circumstances (family member passed away) I cancelled the trip.

I explained to her that that it was a family emergency and that I'd rearrange however she wasn't having any of it and started saying I'd never come out and that I shouldn't bother talking to her, she became quite rude, she did calm down after a while and messaged me and we spoke for a few days after but then I stopped talking to her as I was annoyed at her reaction and I wasn't in a good place at that time.

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

[Ste]

She’s been denied a human cash machine.

[AvHdB]

Poldark,

Welcome to the RUA forum. It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.

My guess is you do not really know that much about the Slavic mentality. I would suggest reading the various trip reports, both those with a good out come and the other ones that are less positive.

Ask questions and from both a diverse and varied peanut gallery you will read a variety of opinions. Figure out what is honest to your reality and move forward from there.

While I am uncertain to your goals and what the purpose of your trip was, perhaps Ste is correct or it was that Miss Moscow had too high hopes. Odd though it is usually the guy who suffers from this. I will note any person who plans a relationship with out meeting said 'partner' is in for a dreadful expierence.

NB: I slightly modified my post after Poldark qouted mine as a reply.

[Poldark]

She’s been denied a human cash machine.

This quite possibly explains her reasoning

Poldark,

Welcome to RUA forum.

My guess is you do not really know that much about the Slavic mentality. I would suggest reading the various trip reports, both those with a good out come and the other ones that are less positive.

Ask questions and from both a diverse and varied peanut gallery you will read a variety of opinions. Figure out what is honest to your reality and move forward from there.

While I am uncertain to your goals and what the purpose of your trip was, perhaps Ste is correct or it was that Miss Moscow had too high hopes. Odd though it is usually the guy who suffers from this. I will note any person who plans a relationship with out meeting said 'partner' is in for a dreadful expierence.

I know somewhat about the Slavic mentality, I dated a naturalised British-Ukrainian a couple of years back although I have a feeling she may have been more British than Ukrainian by time we met I shall read some trip reports to try and comprehend their mentality as well as what to do and not to do.

The purpose of this trip was actually purely tourist orientated, I'd wanted to go to Moscow, Volgograd and St. Petersburg for years plus I have a friend who lives in Yekaterinburg. I also wanted to do things with someone else as while I'm comfortable doing things solo, I would like to experience Moscow et al as a local too, hence my resort to Tinder and if I do find love then fabulous otherwise, at least I'd be able to make friends and have fun.

I hadn't planned out any kind of relationship with her or did you mean she had potentially done so? In this instance, I'm pretty sure I've dodged a bullet which is a shame as she seemed great and on my level but I guess you can never tell until you meet them and I just got the experience before even going during a sad period which made it worse.

I'll read previous trip reports and take it from there as you never know what the future holds! Thank you!

[Contrarian]

From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

[Poldark]

From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

That's probably the unfortunate truth from her side, if I could still have gone I would've although the reason was largely financial in that regard (some parts couldn't be refunded in full).

I could try that, the worse that happens is she says no which isn't the end of the world as there are plenty of other fish in the sea! In the meantime, I can use this period to improve my Russian further

[Steamer]

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

One thing's for sure, you found out how she handles disappointment. What else would she flip out over? There's really no fool proof filter other than keeping your eyes and ears open to strange behavior.

[dcguyusa]

It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.

Say hello to Demelza for me.   

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

The answer might be yes to both questions.   

[Contrarian]

It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.

Say hello to Demelza for me.   

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   

It's usually the 60 year old balding western guy with a pot belly upon showing up to see his 20 year old bride that she's out of town due to babushka having a heart attack! 

[dcguyusa]

It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.

Say hello to Demelza for me.   

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   

It's usually the 60 year old balding western guy with a pot belly upon showing up to see his 20 year old bride that she's out of town due to babushka having a heart attack! 

Yes, more often it is the FSU side that makes the excuses.   

[Tom Cat]

There's plenty of eligible ladies in the FSU, and many understand the importance of family.
I'd pass on this lady and find one that is a bit more flexible.
Long distance relationships are not always as planned. I have had to delay a meeting because of my sister passing, and the lady I was communicating with completely understand, and we met  two weeks later.

[Contrarian]

There's plenty of eligible ladies in the FSU, and many understand the importance of family.
I'd pass on this lady and find one that is a bit more flexible.
Long distance relationships are not always as planned. I have had to delay a meeting because of my sister passing, and the lady I was communicating with completely understand, and we met  two weeks later.

So when's the wedding? 

[Tom Cat]

That was a few years ago, but I am getting ready to put some effort into finding the next mrs, Tom Cat.

[Texan77]

From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

This is very true. But also understand this is a very real part of her personally and it will come out when she is displeased. Many very cute other wise pleasant FSU women can be can be very emotional in both good and bad ways.

If you are still interested contact her when everything clears up and tell her you are ready to buy a ticket if she stills want to see you. By them her anger may have calmed down and maybe you will be able to talk to her.

Actually I do not think you made in mistakes. If you can not get threw something as simple as this how you would as a couple get threw any of life's problems.

[msmoby]

I was chatting to a girl from Moscow over iMessage and FaceTime who I met through Tinder in preparation for my trip, we got on very well leading up to when I was meant to go over however due to unforeseen circumstances (family member passed away) I cancelled the trip.

I explained to her that that it was a family emergency and that I'd rearrange however she wasn't having any of it and started saying I'd never come out and that I shouldn't bother talking to her, she became quite rude, she did calm down after a while and messaged me and we spoke for a few days after but then I stopped talking to her as I was annoyed at her reaction and I wasn't in a good place at that time.

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

Is this Dragonkid, Chickenb... AGAIN ? Poldark?  'Be 'ee called Rass?'

For those of you who haven't / can't want the serial - do so  - if you can

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poldark_(2015_TV_series)


"Capt Poldark" : this is one of the standard excuses made by ladies not wishing to meet a guy who has travelled half-way around the world and guys who get cold feet - and may be never really planned to come ( "key-board romeos")

ALL, you can do - is not protest, too much - don't get cross with her - keep in touch and agree a new time to meet.. 

There is a chance someone else might get their, first - it happens ...

I don't think her reaction is that abnormal

[msmoby]

Please excuse my spelling - glasses now the end of my nose

[msmoby]

From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

Exactly - you've read - I live amongst them and your advice 'not to contact - until really there' is AWFUL ..

Imagine the scenario ... Poldark wants to surprise the lady of his desires.....  She thinks, " he's visiting many ladies and he's not even had the courtesy to warn me "


OR

She thinks he's a 'keyboard romeo' and moves on to another guy.


KEEP IN TOUCH ... you might still lose her to someone who makes a move - but these days - so few guys DO - it's less of a risk.

[Poldark]

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   

I actually thought about doing that however I felt very uncomfortable in doing so and I still do although she could see from my FB profile that there had been a loss within the family due to various people posting, photos from the funeral etc but still still behaved as she did. I think I'm going to give her a wide berth.

One thing's for sure, you found out how she handles disappointment. What else would she flip out over? There's really no fool proof filter other than keeping your eyes and ears open to strange behavior.

Well what else is there she could flip out on so early on?

If you are still interested contact her when everything clears up and tell her you are ready to buy a ticket if she stills want to see you. By them her anger may have calmed down and maybe you will be able to talk to her.

I contacted her last night, she responded not long ago saying she is on holiday and would have to think about whether we'll meet up if I come out within the month (presuming visa can be sorted ASAP). I'm going to pass on her, plan my trip accordingly and see what happens.

[el_guero]

Why are you having visa problems?

[Poldark]

Why are you having visa problems?

I'm not, rather it's the ball ache of getting it sorted as I understand in the UK it has to be done in person, at least I went in person last time.

[el_guero]

Why are you having visa problems?

I'm not, rather it's the ball ache of getting it sorted as I understand in the UK it has to be done in person, at least I went in person last time.

There are other companies.

http://ru.vfsglobal.co.uk/visa_types.html

[AvHdB]

Why are you having visa problems?

I'm not, rather it's the ball ache of getting it sorted as I understand in the UK it has to be done in person, at least I went in person last time.

As I understand from a friend getting a Russian visa, from the UK, is like standing in line to visit the dentist.

[Poldark]

Why are you having visa problems?

I'm not, rather it's the ball ache of getting it sorted as I understand in the UK it has to be done in person, at least I went in person last time.

There are other companies.

http://ru.vfsglobal.co.uk/visa_types.html

I'll still have to go in person due to biometrics being required.

[AvHdB]

Why are you having visa problems?

I'm not, rather it's the ball ache of getting it sorted as I understand in the UK it has to be done in person, at least I went in person last time.

There are other companies.

http://ru.vfsglobal.co.uk/visa_types.html

I'll still have to go in person due to biometrics being required.

That explains the relaity, you have a non biometric passport

[Steveboy]

She probably got fed up with as most guys searching FSUW are just full of bullshit! Never actually even leave the armchair.. the Russian/Ukrainian dating niche is absolutely full of bullshitters..

Most have no money and cannot even afford a bus ticket to another town, let alone a plane ticket..

Its very easy to understand why most FSUW leave these dating sites after a short time, would you want to listen to Bullshit all day???