The World's #1 Russian, Ukrainian & Eastern European Discussion & Information Forum - RUA!

This Is the Premier Discussion Forum on the Net for Information and Discussion about Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe and the Former Soviet Union. Discuss Culture, Politics, Travelling, Language, International Relationships and More. Chat with Travellers, Locals, Residents and Expats. Ask and Answer Questions about Travel, Culture, Relationships, Applying for Visas, Translators, Interpreters, and More. Give Advice, Read Trip Reports, Share Experiences and Make Friends.

Author Topic: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?  (Read 1828 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Poldark

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 1-5
Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« on: August 04, 2017, 08:23:49 AM »
I was chatting to a girl from Moscow over iMessage and FaceTime who I met through Tinder in preparation for my trip, we got on very well leading up to when I was meant to go over however due to unforeseen circumstances (family member passed away) I cancelled the trip.

I explained to her that that it was a family emergency and that I'd rearrange however she wasn't having any of it and started saying I'd never come out and that I shouldn't bother talking to her, she became quite rude, she did calm down after a while and messaged me and we spoke for a few days after but then I stopped talking to her as I was annoyed at her reaction and I wasn't in a good place at that time.

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

Online Ste

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4827
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Beware of Muslamic Rayguns
  • Spouses Country: The Planet Zanussi
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2017, 08:52:50 AM »
She’s been denied a human cash machine.
O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9628
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2017, 09:02:56 AM »
Poldark,

Welcome to the RUA forum. It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.

My guess is you do not really know that much about the Slavic mentality. I would suggest reading the various trip reports, both those with a good out come and the other ones that are less positive.

Ask questions and from both a diverse and varied peanut gallery you will read a variety of opinions. Figure out what is honest to your reality and move forward from there.

While I am uncertain to your goals and what the purpose of your trip was, perhaps Ste is correct or it was that Miss Moscow had too high hopes. Odd though it is usually the guy who suffers from this. I will note any person who plans a relationship with out meeting said 'partner' is in for a dreadful expierence.

NB: I slightly modified my post after Poldark qouted mine as a reply.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot


Offline Poldark

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2017, 09:22:45 AM »
She’s been denied a human cash machine.
This quite possibly explains her reasoning :duh:
Poldark,

Welcome to RUA forum.

My guess is you do not really know that much about the Slavic mentality. I would suggest reading the various trip reports, both those with a good out come and the other ones that are less positive.

Ask questions and from both a diverse and varied peanut gallery you will read a variety of opinions. Figure out what is honest to your reality and move forward from there.

While I am uncertain to your goals and what the purpose of your trip was, perhaps Ste is correct or it was that Miss Moscow had too high hopes. Odd though it is usually the guy who suffers from this. I will note any person who plans a relationship with out meeting said 'partner' is in for a dreadful expierence.
I know somewhat about the Slavic mentality, I dated a naturalised British-Ukrainian a couple of years back although I have a feeling she may have been more British than Ukrainian by time we met :ROFL: I shall read some trip reports to try and comprehend their mentality as well as what to do and not to do.

The purpose of this trip was actually purely tourist orientated, I'd wanted to go to Moscow, Volgograd and St. Petersburg for years plus I have a friend who lives in Yekaterinburg. I also wanted to do things with someone else as while I'm comfortable doing things solo, I would like to experience Moscow et al as a local too, hence my resort to Tinder and if I do find love then fabulous otherwise, at least I'd be able to make friends and have fun.

I hadn't planned out any kind of relationship with her or did you mean she had potentially done so? In this instance, I'm pretty sure I've dodged a bullet which is a shame as she seemed great and on my level but I guess you can never tell until you meet them and I just got the experience before even going during a sad period which made it worse.

I'll read previous trip reports and take it from there as you never know what the future holds! Thank you!

Online Confederate

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4177
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2017, 11:30:37 AM »
From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

Offline Poldark

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2017, 02:17:11 PM »
From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.
That's probably the unfortunate truth from her side, if I could still have gone I would've although the reason was largely financial in that regard (some parts couldn't be refunded in full).

I could try that, the worse that happens is she says no which isn't the end of the world as there are plenty of other fish in the sea! In the meantime, I can use this period to improve my Russian further :thumbsup:

Offline Steamer

  • Member
  • Posts: 306
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2017, 02:44:57 PM »
Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

One thing's for sure, you found out how she handles disappointment. What else would she flip out over? There's really no fool proof filter other than keeping your eyes and ears open to strange behavior.
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I've never seen a winner that didn't bet

Offline dcguyusa

  • Member
  • Posts: 453
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: North America, South America, Europe, Asia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: None Yet
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2017, 05:30:09 PM »
It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.


Say hello to Demelza for me.   :)

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   :-\

Quote
Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

The answer might be yes to both questions.   ???

Online Confederate

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4177
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2017, 05:33:18 PM »
It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.


Say hello to Demelza for me.   :)

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   :-\

It's usually the 60 year old balding western guy with a pot belly upon showing up to see his 20 year old bride that she's out of town due to babushka having a heart attack!  :ROFL:

Offline dcguyusa

  • Member
  • Posts: 453
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: North America, South America, Europe, Asia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: None Yet
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2017, 05:35:41 PM »
It would be great if you told us about your self, but I will guess you are English and from Cornwall.


Say hello to Demelza for me.   :)

As for unexpected family emergencies, people need to understand that sometimes things abruptly occur.  Show her the deceased relative's obituary, funeral arrangements, etc. to prove your side of the story.  It is understandable that people sometimes dislike "wishy washy" personalities.  But, if it was not doubt of a meeting that was the issue, providing evidence will often straighten things out.  Of course, then the issue of trust then comes up.   :-\

It's usually the 60 year old balding western guy with a pot belly upon showing up to see his 20 year old bride that she's out of town due to babushka having a heart attack!  :ROFL:

Yes, more often it is the FSU side that makes the excuses.   :chuckle:

Online Tom Cat

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4931
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2017, 05:50:58 PM »
There's plenty of eligible ladies in the FSU, and many understand the importance of family.
I'd pass on this lady and find one that is a bit more flexible.
Long distance relationships are not always as planned. I have had to delay a meeting because of my sister passing, and the lady I was communicating with completely understand, and we met  two weeks later.
Don't shoot the messenger, links to articles posted, don't necessarily reflect my personal opinion.

Online Confederate

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4177
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2017, 08:22:03 PM »
There's plenty of eligible ladies in the FSU, and many understand the importance of family.
I'd pass on this lady and find one that is a bit more flexible.
Long distance relationships are not always as planned. I have had to delay a meeting because of my sister passing, and the lady I was communicating with completely understand, and we met  two weeks later.

So when's the wedding?  ;D ;D ;D

Online Tom Cat

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4931
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2017, 08:31:19 PM »
That was a few years ago, but I am getting ready to put some effort into finding the next mrs, Tom Cat. :nod:
Don't shoot the messenger, links to articles posted, don't necessarily reflect my personal opinion.

Online Texan77

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1029
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2017, 09:09:23 PM »
From everything I've read Russian women get tired of Western men who never get on a plane but instead waste their time and then flake out. So she may have felt you were not telling the truth in order to flake out.

It seems to me perhaps you should go there and contact her in order to meet in person. You might have a good time. But don't contact her until you're really there. She needs to know you're for real.

This is very true. But also understand this is a very real part of her personally and it will come out when she is displeased. Many very cute other wise pleasant FSU women can be can be very emotional in both good and bad ways.

If you are still interested contact her when everything clears up and tell her you are ready to buy a ticket if she stills want to see you. By them her anger may have calmed down and maybe you will be able to talk to her.

Actually I do not think you made in mistakes. If you can not get threw something as simple as this how you would as a couple get threw any of life's problems.

Online msmoby

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6010
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Chatting to a girl pre-trip which I had to cancel, mistake?
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2017, 09:50:30 PM »
I was chatting to a girl from Moscow over iMessage and FaceTime who I met through Tinder in preparation for my trip, we got on very well leading up to when I was meant to go over however due to unforeseen circumstances (family member passed away) I cancelled the trip.

I explained to her that that it was a family emergency and that I'd rearrange however she wasn't having any of it and started saying I'd never come out and that I shouldn't bother talking to her, she became quite rude, she did calm down after a while and messaged me and we spoke for a few days after but then I stopped talking to her as I was annoyed at her reaction and I wasn't in a good place at that time.

Essentially, did I make a mistake in my handling of the situation or have I dodged a bullet based on her reaction?

If I dodged a bullet, any advice for the future on how to filter out similar girls for my next trip?

Is this Dragonkid, Chickenb... AGAIN ? Poldark?  'Be 'ee called Rass?'

For those of you who haven't / can't want the serial - do so  - if you can

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poldark_(2015_TV_series)


"Capt Poldark" : this is one of the standard excuses made by ladies not wishing to meet a guy who has travelled half-way around the world and guys who get cold feet - and may be never really planned to come ( "key-board romeos")

ALL, you can do - is not protest, too much - don't get cross with her - keep in touch and agree a new time to meet.. 

There is a chance someone else might get their, first - it happens ...

I don't think her reaction is that abnormal