Is it about privacy or something else?

[Bones]

I certainly need a woman’s’ point of view on my situation. I’m confused. I’ve been communicating with a lady from Kiev for a long while and during this time we’ve been unable to coordinate a time for meeting. Probably due to the fact she is a doctor-Immunologist and very busy. Calls must be prearranged. I’ve no problem with going to Kiev. During this time I’ve also learned to be careful in regards to her privacy – she’s very careful. She writes nearly every day but says little and it is an effort to engage in deeper conversation. What little she says lets me know she is interested but…   She loves that I send flowers and gifts (with photo). (1) Anyway my question is in regards to her business trips. She tells me when she is going and will write when she returns – which lasts several weeks and I never know how long it will be. Then after I give up and move on she returns and writes me. During this time she is absent from the dating site. (2) I wonder why she cannot write during her business trips and if I should call her during her business trips? (3) Should I continue to respect her boundaries by not calling her during this time? I’m very interested in her and her fine qualities but things are moving along like that of a glacier. Tentatively we spoke of meeting this May. (4) I wonder if I am being tested. It’s either respect her privacy or get more assertive and risk alienating her. Otherwise I’m patient and I suppose I could wait while pursuing other possibilities – which I have been.

[Volshe]

I certainly need a woman’s’ point of view on my situation. I’m confused. I’ve been communicating with a lady from Kiev for a long while and during this time we’ve been unable to coordinate a time for meeting. Probably due to the fact she is a doctor-Immunologist and very busy. Calls must be prearranged. I’ve no problem with going to Kiev. During this time I’ve also learned to be careful in regards to her privacy – she’s very careful. She writes nearly every day but says little and it is an effort to engage in deeper conversation. What little she says lets me know she is interested but…   She loves that I send flowers and gifts (with photo). (1) Anyway my question is in regards to her business trips. She tells me when she is going and will write when she returns – which lasts several weeks and I never know how long it will be. Then after I give up and move on she returns and writes me. During this time she is absent from the dating site. (2) I wonder why she cannot write during her business trips and if I should call her during her business trips? (3) Should I continue to respect her boundaries by not calling her during this time? I’m very interested in her and her fine qualities but things are moving along like that of a glacier. Tentatively we spoke of meeting this May. (4) I wonder if I am being tested. It’s either respect her privacy or get more assertive and risk alienating her. Otherwise I’m patient and I suppose I could wait while pursuing other possibilities – which I have been.

Hi Bones

There aren't many females around and myself i haven't posted in a while, but i'll try my best. If you were my real life friend, or my cousin, i'd tell you: hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Of course it could be that she is working on some gvmnt funded/ top secret projects. It could be there's no internet where she is (during trips). All of that could be, but chances are small. It could also be that agency is making money on those flowers and gifts. Maybe it's not even her writing those letters (worst case scenario.) BEFORE meeting in real life, being you, i wouldn't  invest into this "relationship", neither morally nor materially.

[andrewfi]

The lady's right. You are being lied to. You do not need a woman to tell you this; you already know the score.

Ukraine is devolving into a shit hole but mobile telephone and Internet still functions. There's no practical reason why communication is impossible. Yes you are being ripped off in respect of the tributes that you send but the thing is communication, or it's lack.

Real or not, the behaviour of your interlocutor is not that of one who shares your goals.

[Volshe]

The lady's right.

Hey Andy!

Looking good! Like an emperor in that chair! 

[andrewfi]

Yeah, the kindly but powerful God Emperor.
The trouble to find a seat that diminished my frame you'd not believe.

But yes,  there's less of me than a year ago.

[Steveboy]

She probably works split shifts 1 week on a dating site 3 weeks on a hooker site..

[Contrarian]

She probably works split shifts 1 week on a dating site 3 weeks on a hooker site..

This one. 

[Mr strange]

Is the conversation going through an agency site or direct by Skype?

Are the flower/gifts done by a 3rd party that the agency has no influence on?

This means a lot on how well you are connected with this girl. If its the agency that handles all for you it looks like the other replies here is the case really.

The deeper you want to go the more direct you will have to be!

You need her Skype details ASAP, phone and email, social media VK,FB etc. or whatever direct method she prefers.

Few agency sites do give the chance for a web cam call and chances are your girl are among the selection there too. That is one way to get Skype details.

The other is her VK page as some girls do list it on their profile.

The 3rd is asking for it through your current ways of contact. Though an agency might delete such information.

[Bones]

To add, I dealt with a 3rd party for flowers and photo - not the agency. I should have mentioned that we’ve been in contact for a year and we missed our connection in Kiev due to my getting very ill so we only spoke on phone while I was in Kiev.
I have her phone number, just wondering if I should call during her trips. I trust the agency because I got other emails and phone numbers that way too from other girls. The agency also reveals when a member has been online or not. She hasn't. I’ll just call her and see what happens. But yes I feel now that she may be canceling something about her trips and not calling.

[Contrarian]

To add, I dealt with a 3rd party for flowers and photo - not the agency. I should have mentioned that we’ve been in contact for a year and we missed our connection in Kiev due to my getting very ill so we only spoke on phone while I was in Kiev.
I have her phone number, just wondering if I should call during her trips. I trust the agency because I got other emails and phone numbers that way too from other girls. The agency also reveals when a member has been online or not. She hasn't. I’ll just call her and see what happens. But yes I feel now that she may be canceling something about her trips and not calling.

1. Cut out any and all agencies -- complete waste of your $$ and the woman probably does not know you even exist (her photos can be stolen and used by male translator named Boris)
2.  One year? Absurd. If you are not on an airplane withing 6 weeks you've lost her interest.

I still cannot believe that men can be so foolish! Pay attention to what Steveboy wrote. He owns an agency and although he was joking, sadly not so much.

[Bones]

Thanks all. Yes, she knows I exist. I had hoped I had made myself clear so I'll repeat - I believe I wrote in my earlier post that I have her number and we have talked. I dealt with her thru 3rd parties and got many photos of her this way. Also the agency does not have any part in our emails, yes I wrote that I have already been to Kiev to meet her but I became seriously ill while I was there & so I could only speak with her on the phone. Also I have good friends there & have been to Kiev many times in the past so I have no trouble going there - it is a matter of coordinating a time with her job. We separated for awhile and began again. 'Confederate' please understand that I am not a newbie, I have traveled extensively through the years, probably more than most here. I have a good understanding of agencies already. My only concern is trying to understand the mind & thinking of women of the FSU and the mystery of her business trips. Hooker jokes are funny but doesn't help.

[Mr strange]

I agree with Confederate on his number one 1 reason here.

Though number 2 is more about the honesty of the girl and her interest in you.

If she is busy and travel is part of she can't find time to date locally which if you do the job of being the man well enough upfront she can wait for a long time for her man.

You can call if she understand your English well enough or you speak/understand Russian well enough. With the costs of calling from the former FSU she properly never will call unless you pay her for the cost.

But tell her you want to be more focused and need a more direct approach for communication as she is the only girl you are currently interested in 100%.

[Mr strange]

I certainly need a woman’s’ point of view on my situation. I’m confused. I’ve been communicating with a lady from Kiev for a long while and during this time we’ve been unable to coordinate a time for meeting. Probably due to the fact she is a doctor-Immunologist and very busy. Calls must be prearranged. I’ve no problem with going to Kiev. During this time I’ve also learned to be careful in regards to her privacy – she’s very careful. She writes nearly every day but says little and it is an effort to engage in deeper conversation. What little she says lets me know she is interested but…   She loves that I send flowers and gifts (with photo). (1) Anyway my question is in regards to her business trips. She tells me when she is going and will write when she returns – which lasts several weeks and I never know how long it will be. Then after I give up and move on she returns and writes me. During this time she is absent from the dating site. (2) I wonder why she cannot write during her business trips and if I should call her during her business trips? (3) Should I continue to respect her boundaries by not calling her during this time? I’m very interested in her and her fine qualities but things are moving along like that of a glacier. Tentatively we spoke of meeting this May. (4) I wonder if I am being tested. It’s either respect her privacy or get more assertive and risk alienating her. Otherwise I’m patient and I suppose I could wait while pursuing other possibilities – which I have been.

Well it seems like as I am in the same kind of situation but further that its hard for her to get deeper unless you are there in person!

Otherwise it is going nowhere so have a goal and set the time for the first meeting.

Respect the travel and that she is busy. Plan around it.

As for testing can she trust you and how many girls are you currently involved with now while you are in communication with her?

[2tallbill]

risk alienating her.

Bones,

You're grown. You aren't a 16 year old love struck kid,
so I am going to give you my opinion without
sugarcoating it.

Dump the girl. She has far too many red flags. You
allowed her to do it, but she isn't honest, sincere
AND interested in you.

An honest, sincere and interested FSUW would never
go AWOL for two weeks. She would never go AWOL
for one week. An honest, sincere and interested FSUW
would find a way.

If her cell phone antenna was broken she would disassemble
her travel iron and use the internal wiring to boost her signal.
She would disassemble/reassemble it each day so that she
could both talk to you AND keep her clothes neatly pressed.

My guess is that she is hot. I've seen it a hundred times where
a Western man lets a vaguely interested FSUW lead him around
by the nose because she is hot and out of his league. If you
would have nipped this in the bud in the beginning this girl
might be worth pursuing, but she has been allowed to act
badly and is broken. You need to kick her cute little popka to
the curb.

Please write this down and post it next to your refrigerator.
"I deserve an attractive, sincere, honest and interested girl"
DUMP any girl who fails to meet any of those 4 criteria. Actually
if I were you I would put the word "very" in front of each
of those standards.

So if I were you I would dump the girl immediately and dump
the agency as well. Then do the following.

1. pick a city in the FSU with over 500K population, but not
Odessa, Kiev, Nikolayev or Eastern Ukraine. Buy a ticket to your
chosen city and rent an apartment for two weeks.

2. One week before your trip open an account on Mamba, make yourself a VIP and put $30 on the account.

3. Then search those who speak English and write 100 attractive
girls that you will be in their city next week and would like to
meet them for coffee or tea.

3. Dump anyone who doesn't seem very interested in you.
Dump anyone who you don't find adorable. Dump anyone who
is boring, who lies, etc. and keep dumping them until you find
one who stands out above the rest. Then spend the rest of your
trip pursuing her with cautious optimism. Always being prepared
to dump her and start over.

4. Lather, rinse and repeat until you find the future Mrs Bones.

Lastly, always wear your big boy pants from this day forward.
Don't let any woman lead you around by the nose again.

[Contrarian]

Thanks all. Yes, she knows I exist. I had hoped I had made myself clear so I'll repeat - I believe I wrote in my earlier post that I have her number and we have talked. I dealt with her thru 3rd parties and got many photos of her this way. Also the agency does not have any part in our emails, yes I wrote that I have already been to Kiev to meet her but I became seriously ill while I was there & so I could only speak with her on the phone. Also I have good friends there & have been to Kiev many times in the past so I have no trouble going there - it is a matter of coordinating a time with her job. We separated for awhile and began again. 'Confederate' please understand that I am not a newbie, I have traveled extensively through the years, probably more than most here. I have a good understanding of agencies already. My only concern is trying to understand the mind & thinking of women of the FSU and the mystery of her business trips. Hooker jokes are funny but doesn't help.

Okay bud then why come here asking a question? This woman is obviously avoiding you or so it seems so there's the answer to your question.


PS...what popka said. all of it, plus:

Lastly, always wear your big boy pants from this day forward.
Don't let any woman lead you around by the nose again.

PPS...she's worse than a hooker! at least w/ a hooker, you know what's up!

[Mr strange]

Will someone please enlighten me in where the red flags are and what the girl has done since the advice is to dump her and move on?

If the travel is work related why does she has to really inform a stranger who sends her stuff but never has gotten on a plane to meet just her?

Is there any signs of her interest in you Bones at this moment in time? Like VK or other information.

If she is calling its her cost so why should she call? Is she desperate? Or busy to survive on the pay check she gets.

If a girl is not hot or looking her best how is she going to attract a man? Or real love?

Where has this girl being dishonest based on the information in this thread?

1. pick a city in the FSU with over 500K population, but not
Odessa, Kiev, Nikolayev or Eastern Ukraine. Buy a ticket to your
chosen city and rent an apartment for two weeks.

You still can find a honest girl in those cities never assume you can't as its only in people head space and paradigm who gives advice on the internet. This is up to your experience to find the truth to you.

But buy the ticket, get an apartment and enjoy the trip!

Stop speculating and arrange the meeting with just her. You can't ask to much when its long distance anyway.

[Bones]

 Mr Strange I clearly wrote in my posting that I went to Kiev to meet her but I became ill & so called her instead. ( I stayed with friends that live there) I also wrote that I have made trips to Kiev in the past so traveling is not an issue for me but rather coordinating schedules with her trips.. I never asked that she should call me.

[2tallbill]

Will someone please enlighten me in where the red flags are and what the girl has done since the advice is to dump her and move on?

Where has this girl being dishonest based on the information in this thread?

1. The girl goes totally AWOL, huge red flag.
2. He can't coordinate a meeting
3. Calls must be rearranged
4. She can't write back during business trips

pick a city in the FSU with over 500K population, but not
Odessa, Kiev, Nikolayev or Eastern Ukraine.

You still can find a honest girl in those cities never assume you can't as its only in people head space and paradigm who gives advice on the internet. This is up to your experience to find the truth to you.

But buy the ticket, get an apartment and enjoy the trip!

Sure you can find an honest girl anywhere, but in each of the cities listed
they have an industry designed to separate men from their money. So I
advise staying away from the industry cities. There are hundreds of cities
without the MOB industry, why not go to one of them?

[Mr strange]

Bones try to ask her when she got time for your arrival if you have not done so.

1. The girl goes totally AWOL, huge red flag.

How important is it that she must be ready to reach 24/7 when her work life takes most of her life and her private life is thereby important but of less concern? Why do you expect her to be 100% ready 24/7 to a stranger? We are not aware now how deeply she feels about Bones at this point. What entitlement is that?

2. He can't coordinate a meeting

That sounds like Bones is the problem not her

3. Calls must be rearranged

If she has a busy lifestyle that is part of the things you have to deal with and if you can't sure move on.

4. She can't write back during business trips

Again see my answer to 1. Really If she is on a trip spare time is enjoying the place not her private life as such and we dont know how many hours a day she works on these trips or in general.

Somehow she still writes when she has time and every day too when she is not on a business trip.

Sure you can find an honest girl anywhere, but in each of the cities listed
they have an industry designed to separate men from their money. So I
advise staying away from the industry cities. There are hundreds of cities
without the MOB industry, why not go to one of them?

Sure I agree. It should be a lot more simple if you can't sort the great girls from the good from the bad and those 4 cities are where the MOB are mostly present so the younger the girl the harder it can be.

[Bones]

I will once again repeat myself. I NEVER once said nor implied that I expected her to be 100% ready 24/7 to me. Where did you read this? Secondly, please tell me why I can't coordinate a meeting if she cannot commit to a time for her to meet me? (for a second time) How is this my fault? I can't force her. I merely asked for an opinion of this forum (FSU woman) as to why she does not write during her trips - nothing more.

[Bones]

Okay bud then why come here asking a question? This woman is obviously avoiding you or so it seems so there's the answer to your question.

PS...what popka said. all of it, plus:

Lastly, always wear your big boy pants from this day forward.
Don't let any woman lead you around by the nose again.

PPS...she's worse than a hooker! at least w/ a hooker, you know what's up!
[/quote]

Really Confederate? Personal insults? I came here asking for another perspective from an intelligent FSU woman not a snarky wise guy that needs to work on his reading comprehension. I wrote that we communicate between her business trips – You see that means she comes back to me between trips! If you read carefully you would understand that.  I was wondering what to think about it from a woman’s point of view. Do you get it now…Bud?  --  Big boy pants?? I suggest you empty your diapers and get off this forum. Your juvenile comments are not helpful for anyone. As for being a Hooker, how would you know this about someone I have been hoping to be my wife if she is true. Years past I have seem forums deteriorate to nothing because of gutless wonders that insult other members from the safety of anonymity. -- Do I know what’s up Bud? Yes I do. I know that you are just another coward with a smart mouth that doesn’t know what he is talking about. From now on please ignore my posts & I’ll certainly ignore yours. Better yet go back to your sandbox and don’t come back until you can conduct yourself like a man.

[2tallbill]

1. The girl goes totally AWOL, huge red flag.

How important is it that she must be ready to reach 24/7 when her work life takes most of her life and her private life is thereby important but of less concern? Why do you expect her to be 100% ready 24/7 to a stranger? We are not aware now how deeply she feels about Bones at this point. What entitlement is that?

I didn't say that she needs to be reached 24/7 did I?
She goes AWOL, (probably getting deep drilled by a local yokel)
for long periods of time. Go to Mamba and write any FSUW and
ask her about the behavior. 100% would describe it as negative.

2. He can't coordinate a meeting

That sounds like Bones is the problem not her

3. Calls must be rearranged

If she has a busy lifestyle that is part of the things you have to deal with and if you can't sure move on.

4. She can't write back during business trips

Again see my answer to 1. Really If she is on a trip spare time is enjoying the place not her private life as such and we don't know how many hours a day she works on these trips or in general.

Somehow she still writes when she has time and every day too when she is not on a business trip.

She doesn't write to him at all when she goes AWOL.

The most likely reason she goes totally AWOL is because
she is with another man. An interested FSUW would find a
way. That's the facts, You can argue with me but you would
still be wrong.

Somehow she still writes when she has time and every day too when she is not on a business trip.

Sure I agree. It should be a lot more simple if you can't sort the great girls from the good from the bad and those 4 cities are where the MOB are mostly present so the younger the girl the harder it can be.

It's probably a pay per view/pay by the letter site. That would be the next
question for the OP. But, the girl doesn't show sufficient interest and needs
to be discarded.

At the end of the day, an interested FSUW would make herself available for
talking on the phone, skype etc. She would REALLY, REALLY make herself
available for a meeting in person.

[Mr strange]

I will once again repeat myself. I NEVER once said nor implied that I expected her to be 100% ready 24/7 to me. Where did you read this? Secondly, please tell me why I can't coordinate a meeting if she cannot commit to a time for her to meet me? (for a second time) How is this my fault? I can't force her. I merely asked for an opinion of this forum (FSU woman) as to why she does not write during her trips - nothing more.

I am just trying understand why she gets red flags so easily out of the gate for having a busy lifestyle to a stranger she has not meet in person or have special feelings for if she has.

So I question the motive for these or what is behind that logic for a clearer understanding.

Why can't she? I am not her so I got no idea on the real answer other than be assertive in getting her to find time or move on.

What is my opinion? Well a busy lifestyle is what you are up against and you have to deal with that. Part of it makes you speculate the things to much and if you ain't got an alternative to this lifestyle or getting through to her on an emotional level prior to going then you matter less importantly in her life.

She is properly to busy on a business trip to care for her private life and you as it is.

[2tallbill]

I am just trying understand why she gets red flags so easily out of the gate for having a busy lifestyle to a stranger she has not meet in person or have special feelings for if she has.

She is properly too busy on a business trip to care for her private life and you as it is.

An international marriage is difficult. It takes a lot of time, money, AND effort
by everyone involved. That girl isn't interested enough to put in the required
effort.

[Bones]

The website in question is not a pay per view/pay by the letter site. As everyone here knows, these sites have a awful reputation for writing fiction.