Taking the plunge. Visiting Ukraine in a few days.

[justadude]

The "I'm walkin" statement was poorly contrived sarcasm, which I should know doesn't play well online. I am still seeing her several hours each day.

At the moment I choose not to go into specifics because my perception is that the more I try to justify my choice the more I'll get shot down. That doesn't mean I'm not carefully considering what has been written.

 I'll restate what I said before. The trip has been relatively inexpensive, I've made no commitment, and I'm having fun.

And, I make this pledge. Since this is a community forum, whose intent I believe is to help others, if I crash and burn I won't just slink away. I'll report on it here in a timely fashion for the good of the order.

[Texan77]

The trip has been relatively inexpensive, I've made no commitment, and I'm having fun.

Sounds like to good trip to me.

[AvHdB]

. . .  I make this pledge. Since this is a community forum, whose intent I believe is to help others, if I crash and burn I won't just slink away. I'll report on it here in a timely fashion for the good of the order. . .

Thank you for making this statement.

Sometimes what is written is not per say for the poster, but to help the lurkers who are reading a thread.

To give you an idea of the reality there are some 4 members prerently reading this thread and some 23 'lurkers', they are welcome to join RUA but for a variety of reasons do not.

[Steveboy]

I mean 2:30 here. It's New Year's Day and most things are closed. I moved to a new apartment on N's advice. It is the same cost as the last hotel, and I have a washing machine, which is good because I need to wash some clothes. New Year's Eve was pretty cool. I suggested to N that she spend it with her friends, because I know what a big deal it is for them. Her and I had an early dinner and then I hung out with a couple Turkish dudes I met at my hotel. We discussed international politics but were unaware of the night club bombing.

In the interest of not sounding pathetic, I don't think I'll report any future plans for specific events of this trip, only give an account of things that have already happened.

I will say this, though. The whole idea of meeting a woman half way around the world and relocating her to your country seem's like a fool's errand on the face of it. Then again, apparently it has been done enough times to make it a thing and support an industry. Having said that, I don't know if I have the stomach for it. Taking this trip was rather impulsive on my part, and as I said, I have tried to keep my expectations low. I guess I could say that those expectations have been exceeded so far. One thing I didn't anticipate very well, was how my feelings would develop. Maybe this will turn into something and maybe it won't. If I walk away right now, I won't have lost much. Having a great time so far but trying to keep the long view in mind.

I will say this, though. The whole idea of meeting a woman half way around the world and relocating her to your country seem's like a fool's errand on the face of it

It is a fools errand! And 99% of guys trying it are fools or idiots! Most are chasing something that does not exist anymore.

BUT a small % do find a women. It takes lots and lots and lots of commitment , time money and realistic expectations.  

[NS1]

Hey if your having fun and getting your moneys worth enjoy.
Personally, I would not travel that far for that kind of girl,
I would move on and look for better.
But you are not the first, nor will you be the last.
Actually some men make the trip for no other reason LOL.

[Steveboy]

I wouldn't worry about not being invited to a NY party with this women/girl thats perfectly normal! Why would a young women want to invite a near total stranger to a party she has probably had planned with friends and relatives for a long time!
1. It would probably make her look stupid in front of her friends she probably has not even said she is looking for a foreigner.

2. If she has a little dog you can be sure she will have plenty of young guys on NY to look after her and give her a fun time, why would she need some poor old foreigner ?

3. just because you come to meet a women in a foreign country it doesn't give you a right to immediately own her or be part of her social life and meet friends, that takes time.

 

[AvHdB]

While I can understand the disappointment of not being invited to the New Year's party.

From what i read up thread there was not any intense and personal communications between our heroe(s). Most likely the party was primarily in Russian/Ukraine and it would have been clumsy to include a non Russian speaker in this setting.

Steve's post makes sense, these relations take time to develop. If she spends time with you every day than that is a hopeful sign.

[Contrarian]

Hey if your having fun and getting your moneys worth enjoy.
Personally, I would not travel that far for that kind of girl,
I would move on and look for better.
But you are not the first, nor will you be the last.
Actually some men make the trip for no other reason LOL.

It seems the gent knows this one is not the LTR he is looking for, but likely just a good time.

He didn't know how it would pan out until he got over there and I give him props for getting on the plane.

[NS1]

Hey if your having fun and getting your moneys worth enjoy.
Personally, I would not travel that far for that kind of girl,
I would move on and look for better.
But you are not the first, nor will you be the last.
Actually some men make the trip for no other reason LOL.

It seems the gent knows this one is not the LTR he is looking for, but likely just a good time.

He didn't know how it would pan out until he got over there and I give him props for getting on the plane.

True and no one knows till they meet how its going to go.
But if serious, why waste time, use remaining time to learn and meet new people.

One of my bad trips, I walked from girl made some friends, one of the friends I made
a year later introduced me to my wife ( no websites)

[rosco]

A brief trip update. Pretty much all of the advice you gave me so far is helpful and true. I had dates with several girls but I have only met one so far, the one I had communicated with the most before the trip. I cancelled dates with a few others because I like her. She has been to the US once on a fiance visa. She says she didn't stay because her betrothed misled her. It all seems genuine to me and she seems very real. She is very pretty and sweet. The age difference is 24 years. She has no kids, but she does have a really cool little dog.

I went on a walking tour and met a British guy, with whom I had dinner last night. I am seeing "N" again in a few minutes. Yes it is cold, but I have come at a time when it is unseasonably warm, it turns out, so lucky there.

Things are quite inexpensive, but I have gotten taken a couple times by savvy tourist traps.

I think you messed up by cancelling the other dates. Meeting a mix of ladies would help keep your feet on the ground, learn more and use it as a barometer of how much you like lady number 1.

[2tallbill]

The "I'm walkin" statement was poorly contrived sarcasm, which I should know doesn't play well online. I am still seeing her several hours each day.

At the moment I choose not to go into specifics because my perception is that the more I try to justify my choice the more I'll get shot down. That doesn't mean I'm not carefully considering what has been written.

 I'll restate what I said before. The trip has been relatively inexpensive, I've made no commitment, and I'm having fun.

And, I make this pledge. Since this is a community forum, whose intent I believe is to help others, if I crash and burn I won't just slink away. I'll report on it here in a timely fashion for the good of the order.

My advice is that you go to Mamba.ru and become a VIP member and add some
dollars to your account, $30 should be plenty. You can search for girls who speak
English (but not as a free member) and write every attractive girl in your city
who is within 9-11 years of your age (there will be a thousands) ask them out
for coffee and see who responds.

My second advice is to dump the other girl. Never date a girl who you already
know isn't the "one" You can salvage this trip by finding a good new
prospect.

Most good advice is easier to give than to follow. You've invested time and effort
and even emotions into this girl, but you need to move on before you can find
a good girl for you.

[Gipsy]

Justadude,

I wish not to criticise..

I am a little flabbergasted at the girl though..

Ukrainian hospitality "demands" that this girl should have taken charge of you for NYE, taking you along with her to "Wherever" she was going/invited, introducing you as a visitor from the US to the country, and you would have been made welcome by all, that's the normal way of doing things for NYE in Ukraine...

You should never have been left alone to your own devices on such an important night..

This is something which you should reflect upon and treat the girl in a similar manner to that which she treated you..

[AvHdB]

Let's see some expect a dude who arrives a week before New Years Eve and has had casual contact with a woman from far away (Kiev) to take take care of his social agenda. They are spending time together each day, I assume she has a job and likes to pay her bills instead of hoping and waiting for some guy with a little blue book.

Perhaps the woman in question is careful, more so after visiting America on what turned out to a (false promise?). Perhaps she has seen enough BS from guys that makes her cautious.

Give it time I am confident things will be sorted out in time.

This 'adventure' is not easy and there is no one correct way to execute it. Certainly enough ways to muck it up.

[andrewfi]

Nope, if the ostensible purpose of their meeting was to figure out their compatibility as life partners then her decision to exclude him from her New Years Eve celebrations is very telling.

She might not want to introduce him to her friends, but that tells us she is not happy that he does so. He is not therefore, in her mind, a viable candidate for a mate.

His visit was not a surprise to her. She had time to make plans that could include him. One thought, as he has been careful to tell us how little money he has spent, I'd lay odds that his target has noted this tendency too. I wonder whether she simply feels he could not afford to take part in her social life. As those who know this stuff know, once one moves away from celebrating New Year in one's kitchen, the cost of the partying is not little. He could have been signalling that he was not up to the task of squiring this woman around. There are times to hold back on spending but, truth be told, pitching woo is not one of those times, never, not anywhere.

So, whatever the reason might be, this is never going to happen. Oil the locks on your wallet. Get out on Mamba, full VIP option, and start setting up dates - but remember, Orthodox Christmas will be blackout days for new contacts.

[2tallbill]

While I can understand the disappointment of not being invited to the New Year's party.

From what i read up thread there was not any intense and personal communications between our heroe(s). Most likely the party was primarily in Russian/Ukraine and it would have been clumsy to include a non Russian speaker in this setting.

Steve's post makes sense, these relations take time to develop. If she spends time with you every day than that is a hopeful sign.

If he came to visit several girls then I would agree with you. However, if he came
only to see her after exchanging emails, Skype, phone etc then I disagree with
you.

If a good girl invites a man to visit only her and they don't have good chemistry
then this is exactly what you would expect. A good girl usually doesn't abandon
a foreigner who came to see her. She spends some time with him, shows him
the sights etc but romance is out of the question.

The guy might mistake these gestures as leading to somewhere or that she is
coming around. 1000 movies and countless romance novels have been made
about this happening, but it never happens in the real world. 

If the guy has any question then he should sit her down and have a super frank
conversation with her. Telling her that he needs to know exactly what is going
on in her head. However, don't put words in her mouth or project any feelings
because it's 99% likely that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him.

In my opinion, the smartest thing the guy can do is to move on, write some
letters and it's possible that he can find a good girl who is perfect for him.

[AvHdB]

I wonder not so much about the purse strings but how The Dude envisions should a relationship develop what it will be in actual form. As I understand the prior contact before getting on the silver bird was somewhat limited. It does not sound like our hero was deeply in love before he arrived in Kiev.

Will this be a loving and nurturing relationship of equals or something based on an economic transaction?

On the other side some here will quickly shout scam without knowing fully the dynamics, that it is possible Dude does not want to be seen as a Rube. On the other side we do not know how the heroine spent The New Year perhaps with her babushka. That would have been fun! 

[Contrarian]

A brief trip update. Pretty much all of the advice you gave me so far is helpful and true. I had dates with several girls but I have only met one so far, the one I had communicated with the most before the trip. I cancelled dates with a few others because I like her. She has been to the US once on a fiance visa. She says she didn't stay because her betrothed misled her. It all seems genuine to me and she seems very real. She is very pretty and sweet. The age difference is 24 years. She has no kids, but she does have a really cool little dog.

I went on a walking tour and met a British guy, with whom I had dinner last night. I am seeing "N" again in a few minutes. Yes it is cold, but I have come at a time when it is unseasonably warm, it turns out, so lucky there.

Things are quite inexpensive, but I have gotten taken a couple times by savvy tourist traps.

I think you messed up by cancelling the other dates. Meeting a mix of ladies would help keep your feet on the ground, learn more and use it as a barometer of how much you like lady number 1.

Agreed.  Never should have canceled the other dates.

[Contrarian]

Justadude,

I wish not to criticise..

I am a little flabbergasted at the girl though..

Ukrainian hospitality "demands" that this girl should have taken charge of you for NYE, taking you along with her to "Wherever" she was going/invited, introducing you as a visitor from the US to the country, and you would have been made welcome by all, that's the normal way of doing things for NYE in Ukraine...

You should never have been left alone to your own devices on such an important night..

This is something which you should reflect upon and treat the girl in a similar manner to that which she treated you..

 

[justadude]

Just checking in to let you know I haven't forgotten about you.

Perhaps one or two more nearly identical statements that the NYE thing was a death knell and I think I'll have gotten it  

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to see her.

Cheers!

[Texan77]

3. just because you come to meet a women in a foreign country it doesn't give you a right to immediately own her or be part of her social life and meet friends, that takes time.

 

I believe right now the two of you are becoming friends. This can be a good foundation or it could go no where. It take time to see what happens.

There are a lot of train wrecks when there was not enough time put into the relationship and everything happened too fast. This girl maybe going slowly because of her first try was a failure.  It most likely cause her a lot of emotional heart break. I think maybe you are getting too much advice from all of us and you may do better reading what is happening there each day and follow what you think best.

Only real advice do not bring her home until you know her very well and you are both completely in love.
 

[Contrarian]

Just checking in to let you know I haven't forgotten about you.

Perhaps one or two more nearly identical statements that the NYE thing was a death knell and I think I'll have gotten it  

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to see her.

Cheers!

Cheers mate!   

I think we can conclude that you're going into whatever this is, with both eyes open.  And that's a good thing. 

[Manny]

And the topic continues >>here<<.

[el_guero]

Let's see some expect a dude who arrives a week before New Years Eve and has had casual contact with a woman from far away (Kiev) to take take care of his social agenda. They are spending time together each day, I assume she has a job and likes to pay her bills instead of hoping and waiting for some guy with a little blue book.

Perhaps the woman in question is careful, more so after visiting America on what turned out to a (false promise?). Perhaps she has seen enough BS from guys that makes her cautious.

Give it time I am confident things will be sorted out in time.

This 'adventure' is not easy and there is no one correct way to execute it. Certainly enough ways to muck it up.

Gotta agree ....

[el_guero]

Just checking in to let you know I haven't forgotten about you.

Perhaps one or two more nearly identical statements that the NYE thing was a death knell and I think I'll have gotten it  

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to see her.

Cheers!

Keep it up!