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Author Topic: Russian Mothers  (Read 1683 times)

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Online AvHdB

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2016, 06:24:55 AM »

Is she a Muslim?

A man could easily lose his head divorcing a Muslim.. :snivel:

Considering some only think with there little  head that might not be such a bad thing.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Gipsy

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #16 on: July 21, 2016, 06:27:09 AM »
Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?

We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.

With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.

It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...

mmmmm...  :o
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Online AvHdB

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #17 on: July 21, 2016, 06:34:54 AM »

It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...

mmmmm...  :o

Rob it would be good form and karma in you engaged further with RUA.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot


Offline Rob7

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #18 on: July 21, 2016, 06:59:03 AM »
I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.

Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.

Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?

And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.

Welcome to RUA.

Let's read the entire story. Or at least tease us with more details.

NB: Hopefully not Wuthering Heights


Well it's a long story I might have to take the whole story from the beginning. In 2007 she met her ex husband and in 2008 she married him their relationship was good in the beginning , he worked as a cook and she studied they lived in the same apartment as his mother vilet is very common in Russia. But then they began to quarrel , and he stopped to work and just sat at home and played computer games all day . The situation worsened when he said that her mother should sell her apartment because she does not need such a large apartment when it's just two people who live there why he said so I do not know.


She moved out from him sometime in July 2009. Then she moved back to her mother who did not want her back but they agreed that she can stay there if she pays 30 euros a month to her.

She later began arguing with her mother and her mother threatens to throw her out on the street.

I met her on a Russian dating site in September 2009, she was still married but she filed a divorce application the same month. I was of course not aware that she was still married when we started to communicate.

In December, she separated from her ex husband I was a bit surprised and did not know what I would say she had been married in the three months we had communicated . But I was so tired of dating women in my country who never led to anything so I decided to continue.

I sent her plane tickets and we met in March 2010 for the first time . I'm meeting a very thin woman at the airport and I asked why she is so skinny she said she did not have money for food. But I guess it was because the mother took much of her salary . But I knew , of course, not all the details of her situation when we met.

Will write more later

Offline Rob7

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2016, 12:59:12 PM »
I  wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse  is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?

Is she a Muslim?

No she is not a Muslim.

Offline Rob7

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2016, 01:21:33 PM »
Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?

We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.

With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.

Yes we have a child .
and it makes this situation even more unfortunate. But I have seized my child's passport to prevent her to take the child to Russia.

I talked to a lawyer and he said that this was the right thing to do because chances are that I may never see my child again if she goes to Russia. Many Finnish men have lost their children in this horrible way . So remember to never let your Russian wife to take care of the child's passport.

Offline Manny

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2016, 02:11:47 PM »
A duplicate passport is easily obtained from the embassy.
I apologise.
And so he should.........

Online andrewfi

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #22 on: July 21, 2016, 02:26:28 PM »
OK, if you don't trust the woman enough to allow her to have the child's passport then you know the relationship is over.

Don't think of anything else, harbour no fantasies.

If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police not messing about here.

Get a piece of paper and start making notes. Don't be emotional driven, use your brain and consider the issues you face.

If you are concerned about a serious criminal matter then you should make sure the police are aware. You need to move your wife out of the home and make sure that you are the guardian of the child.

If my recollection is correct the Finnish authorities regard a FInnish child born to a Russian mother as being, by default, under the guardianship of the Finnish parent, that means that the border security will stop the child from leaving the country. Of course there's easy enough ways for a determined person to avoid this issue - but that's why you need to take action now.

When you have sorted yourself out get some help, speak with a counsellor, learn how relationships work.

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus

Offline Manny

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #23 on: July 21, 2016, 02:43:26 PM »
If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police

To say what? "The mother of my child in which we share legal parental responsibility, plans to take our kid, a Russian national, who has dual nationality (Finnish we presume and Russian entitlement by default) to Russia"?

I doubt they will bat an eyelid. It's a civil matter, no?

Even with a complaint on the Finnish system (if they took it seriously), a bus/internal EU flight to Riga (for example) means an easy connection to Russia (via Kaliningrad is one way). Or easier still, a bus to the Russian border with Finland and walk across (depending if they took him seriously). Either way, she has many ways out of Finland if she wants with the kid. If she tells the Russian embassy her "abusive" Finnish husband has stolen the kids passport and she wants to go home, they will have her an emergency passport within 24 hours.

No. The way to deal with this is with calm conversation and diplomacy. Not by threats and withholding passports. The bloke has to stay calm and reason with her. As we know, once the kid is in Russia - if a citizen - he/she won't be coming back if that is her wish. The thought of this will make any bloke climb the walls in anguish. But losing your rag and becoming militant is the last thing to do. It will simply give her ammo.
I apologise.
And so he should.........

Online andrewfi

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2016, 03:31:18 PM »
This is not the first time in Finland that such an issue has arisen. That is why I wrote as I did. Finland is not the USA or UK.

His relationship is over. Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do. If he does nothing then there is nothing that can be done to protect him.

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus

Offline Manny

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #25 on: July 21, 2016, 04:38:23 PM »
Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do.

There are two sides to the story though.

Does she and her child not equally deserve the protection of their state?

A bloke I know did the "my kids won't have a Russian passport" shouty thing (against my advice). She called the embassy who told her they dont need his permission to give the kids Russian citizenship under the new rules as one parent is a Russian national and it is a given. When told that, he calmed down, and they are still (just) together. He wound his neck in and made a half-arsed effort to save the relationship. His kids are still in the UK.
I apologise.
And so he should.........

Offline TomT

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #26 on: July 21, 2016, 06:17:42 PM »
and it makes this situation even more unfortunate. But I have seized my child's passport to prevent her to take the child to Russia.

I talked to a lawyer and he said that this was the right thing to do because chances are that I may never see my child again if she goes to Russia. Many Finnish men have lost their children in this horrible way . So remember to never let your Russian wife to take care of the child's passport.

Americans who are reading this should be aware that this would be criminal in the United States. Here, only the courts have the right to withhold a passport to prevent flight.
"Get away from the keyboard little man. I know where you live." (Message left in my facebook mailbox by our resident psychopath.)

Offline SOUTHERN X

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #27 on: July 21, 2016, 06:19:59 PM »
Rob

If a FSU women truly  loves you she will go through hell to stick with you

She will only leave once she has  determined ''you ''are not to be trusted /respected and in her mind the relationship cannot be saved ime

Think about what it is that may have caused her  to reach those conclusions mate

SX

Offline Gipsy

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #28 on: July 22, 2016, 01:04:56 AM »
Rob,

The best advice that anyone can give you is for you both to seek counselling and see if your marriage can be saved, if this fails, then both of you should engage lawyers...
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Online andrewfi

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Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #29 on: July 22, 2016, 02:08:47 AM »
Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.

Finland is not the same as the UK or USA. This is not the first time such concerns have been raised and not the first time Finnish parents have been concerned about losing their children.

Oh,  hopeful dreamers (losers) once trust has gone from a relationship such that a genuine concern is that the kids might be kidnapped do you REALLY think a bit of talking therapy is going to make roses bloom, kittens play with puppies and non existent love be kindled from nothingness?
Be sensible, employ the little grey cells please.

"For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?" -Erasmus