The World's #1 Russian, Ukrainian & Eastern European Discussion & Information Forum - RUA!

This Is the Premier Discussion Forum on the Net for Information and Discussion about Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe and the Former Soviet Union. Discuss Culture, Politics, Travelling, Language, International Relationships and More. Chat with Travellers, Locals, Residents and Expats. Ask and Answer Questions about Travel, Culture, Relationships, Applying for Visas, Translators, Interpreters, and More. Give Advice, Read Trip Reports, Share Experiences and Make Friends.

Author Topic: Russian Mothers  (Read 7680 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Rob7

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Russian Mothers
« on: July 20, 2016, 04:17:59 PM »
I  wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse  is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?

Offline Steveboy

  • Commercial Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5608
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: In The Business
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2016, 04:50:24 PM »
I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.

Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.

I support no government anywhere, ever, never. No institution, No religion!!

Offline Rob7

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2016, 05:12:38 PM »
I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.

Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.

Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?

And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.


Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14933
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2016, 07:30:47 PM »
I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.

Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.

Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?

And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.

Welcome to RUA.

Let's read the entire story. Or at least tease us with more details.

NB: Hopefully not Wuthering Heights
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Boris

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3134
  • Country: us
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2016, 07:44:00 PM »
"Porky Pies" been a long time since I heard that one. But you are spot on. A lot of peculiar lying bafoons in this game.

Offline Manny

  • Moderator
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19719
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2016, 12:00:58 AM »
I  wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse  is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?

Is she a Muslim?
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Online andrewfi

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20730
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Articles About Almost Anything!
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2016, 02:03:41 AM »
Uggghhhh, why would anyone marry a person who was so unreliable, so untrustworthy that she'd divorce a man she claimed she still loved?

This is not a mother thing. This is a bloke not understanding how to have a relationship thing.

Rob, your relationship is over. If you are telling something like the truth, there was no relationship.

Negotiate your exit from a poisonous situation as best you can. I am guessing that you are not a wealthy man. The cost to you of a negotiated exit will not be high.
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Offline Steveboy

  • Commercial Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5608
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: In The Business
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2016, 04:27:53 AM »
Life in the West is not a bed of roses! Many women still believe it is and thats why lots are still registering at FSU dating sites, hoping for something better.

Truth is unless you have a reasonable income and can support yourself to a reasonable standard of living you have not a lot to offer say a Russian women. She may relocate to another country and after time realise life was better in Russia..I have heard and seen this story many times. Of course it can take some time before the women realises she doesn't want to become a slave to the system working non stop, running a house and the usual life style of a model Western women.

I know of two Ukrainian women back in my home town in the UK who left their husbands and returned to Ukraine , life wasn't how they expected..And it usually isn't if the guy doesn't have to much cash..

Lifes a bitch.. morel of the story make more cash :)
I support no government anywhere, ever, never. No institution, No religion!!

Offline Bruce Lee

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2622
  • Country: england
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2016, 06:06:31 AM »
Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.
Sorry Rob, but its highly likely you are not being truthful with yourself here - if your relationship hinged on the opinion of your wife's mother I doubt you had much to lose in the first place.

If the lady wants out its your responsibility to make sure that it happens as smoothly as possible - if you are going to lose a percentage of not much it should be a situtation that you will be able to recover from in short order!!! Good luck anyway!!!

And to answer the OP question - I doubt it is common - you just met the wrong women mate!!!
If you get a minute check out Bruce's TR - Its not quite finished, however its still a pretty good read IMHO.

If I win the lottery I'll finish it this week if not I'll probably complete it when I retire!!! Until then I hope you enjoy the story so far!

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14933
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2016, 06:12:25 AM »
Without Rob filling in details and engaging we can only speculate. A guess Andrew is correct in his assumptions. Hopefully we will learn more, it might help the OP in a form of learning.

The thread I think is a warning to some who do not understand relationships.

Perhaps the mother in law saw the squalor and treatment of her daughter and demanded change.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Annushka

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1036
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Female
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2016, 06:15:13 AM »
You can ask the author of the theme post a photo of living conditions? I know that in contrast to the former Soviet republics, many of the young men live in rented apartments. Out of the apartment ownership!
And what about the gap, so now is the time is. No value for family values. Now hardly anyone gets married for life. However, this has its own charm. The Russian guest common form of marriage. And that suits all! Young people are not committed to the official registration of marriage. A little after living and get to know each other, then go down the aisle. Why take the time to draw a relationship? After 2 times of meetings? So what if mother here?

Offline Gipsy

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2748
  • Country: 00
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2016, 06:16:18 AM »
Without Rob filling in details and engaging we can only speculate. A guess Andrew is correct in his assumptions. Hopefully we will learn more, it might help the OP in a form of learning.

The thread I think is a warning to some who do not understand relationships.

Perhaps the mother in law saw the squalor and treatment of her daughter and demanded change.

I suggest that, a daughter will only listen to her mother, and do as mother tells her, ONLY when she wants to..  :coffeeread:
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Offline Gipsy

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2748
  • Country: 00
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2016, 06:17:54 AM »
You can ask the author of the theme post a photo of living conditions? I know that in contrast to the former Soviet republics, many of the young men live in rented apartments. Out of the apartment ownership!
And what about the gap, so now is the time is. No value for family values. Now hardly anyone gets married for life. However, this has its own charm. The Russian guest common form of marriage. And that suits all! Young people are not committed to the official registration of marriage. A little after living and get to know each other, then go down the aisle. Why take the time to draw a relationship? After 2 times of meetings? So what if mother here?

Words of wisdom... tiphat
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Offline Gipsy

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2748
  • Country: 00
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2016, 06:20:18 AM »
I  wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse  is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?

Is she a Muslim?

A man could easily lose his head divorcing a Muslim.. :snivel:
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14933
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2016, 06:22:07 AM »
Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?

We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.

With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14933
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2016, 06:24:55 AM »

Is she a Muslim?

A man could easily lose his head divorcing a Muslim.. :snivel:

Considering some only think with there little  head that might not be such a bad thing.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Gipsy

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2748
  • Country: 00
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #16 on: July 21, 2016, 06:27:09 AM »
Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?

We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.

With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.

It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...

mmmmm...  :o
Bridge is a lot like sex, either you need a good partner, or a decent hand... Woody Allen

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14933
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #17 on: July 21, 2016, 06:34:54 AM »

It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...

mmmmm...  :o

Rob it would be good form and karma in you engaged further with RUA.
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Rob7

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #18 on: July 21, 2016, 06:59:03 AM »
I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.

Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.

Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?

And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.

Welcome to RUA.

Let's read the entire story. Or at least tease us with more details.

NB: Hopefully not Wuthering Heights


Well it's a long story I might have to take the whole story from the beginning. In 2007 she met her ex husband and in 2008 she married him their relationship was good in the beginning , he worked as a cook and she studied they lived in the same apartment as his mother vilet is very common in Russia. But then they began to quarrel , and he stopped to work and just sat at home and played computer games all day . The situation worsened when he said that her mother should sell her apartment because she does not need such a large apartment when it's just two people who live there why he said so I do not know.


She moved out from him sometime in July 2009. Then she moved back to her mother who did not want her back but they agreed that she can stay there if she pays 30 euros a month to her.

She later began arguing with her mother and her mother threatens to throw her out on the street.

I met her on a Russian dating site in September 2009, she was still married but she filed a divorce application the same month. I was of course not aware that she was still married when we started to communicate.

In December, she separated from her ex husband I was a bit surprised and did not know what I would say she had been married in the three months we had communicated . But I was so tired of dating women in my country who never led to anything so I decided to continue.

I sent her plane tickets and we met in March 2010 for the first time . I'm meeting a very thin woman at the airport and I asked why she is so skinny she said she did not have money for food. But I guess it was because the mother took much of her salary . But I knew , of course, not all the details of her situation when we met.

Will write more later

Offline Rob7

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2016, 12:59:12 PM »
I  wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse  is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?

Is she a Muslim?

No she is not a Muslim.

Offline Rob7

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2016, 01:21:33 PM »
Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?

We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.

With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.

Yes we have a child .
and it makes this situation even more unfortunate. But I have seized my child's passport to prevent her to take the child to Russia.

I talked to a lawyer and he said that this was the right thing to do because chances are that I may never see my child again if she goes to Russia. Many Finnish men have lost their children in this horrible way . So remember to never let your Russian wife to take care of the child's passport.

Offline Manny

  • Moderator
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19719
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2016, 02:11:47 PM »
A duplicate passport is easily obtained from the embassy.
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Online andrewfi

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20730
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Articles About Almost Anything!
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #22 on: July 21, 2016, 02:26:28 PM »
OK, if you don't trust the woman enough to allow her to have the child's passport then you know the relationship is over.

Don't think of anything else, harbour no fantasies.

If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police not messing about here.

Get a piece of paper and start making notes. Don't be emotional driven, use your brain and consider the issues you face.

If you are concerned about a serious criminal matter then you should make sure the police are aware. You need to move your wife out of the home and make sure that you are the guardian of the child.

If my recollection is correct the Finnish authorities regard a FInnish child born to a Russian mother as being, by default, under the guardianship of the Finnish parent, that means that the border security will stop the child from leaving the country. Of course there's easy enough ways for a determined person to avoid this issue - but that's why you need to take action now.

When you have sorted yourself out get some help, speak with a counsellor, learn how relationships work.
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Offline Manny

  • Moderator
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19719
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #23 on: July 21, 2016, 02:43:26 PM »
If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police

To say what? "The mother of my child in which we share legal parental responsibility, plans to take our kid, a Russian national, who has dual nationality (Finnish we presume and Russian entitlement by default) to Russia"?

I doubt they will bat an eyelid. It's a civil matter, no?

Even with a complaint on the Finnish system (if they took it seriously), a bus/internal EU flight to Riga (for example) means an easy connection to Russia (via Kaliningrad is one way). Or easier still, a bus to the Russian border with Finland and walk across (depending if they took him seriously). Either way, she has many ways out of Finland if she wants with the kid. If she tells the Russian embassy her "abusive" Finnish husband has stolen the kids passport and she wants to go home, they will have her an emergency passport within 24 hours.

No. The way to deal with this is with calm conversation and diplomacy. Not by threats and withholding passports. The bloke has to stay calm and reason with her. As we know, once the kid is in Russia - if a citizen - he/she won't be coming back if that is her wish. The thought of this will make any bloke climb the walls in anguish. But losing your rag and becoming militant is the last thing to do. It will simply give her ammo.
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Online andrewfi

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20730
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Articles About Almost Anything!
Re: Russian Mothers
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2016, 03:31:18 PM »
This is not the first time in Finland that such an issue has arisen. That is why I wrote as I did. Finland is not the USA or UK.

His relationship is over. Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do. If he does nothing then there is nothing that can be done to protect him.
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!


 

 

Registration