FSUW Dating Process - Current and Up to Date

[mjohn81]

First of all, this forum is super helpful.  A big thank you to everyone that contributes.  I’m new to researching FSUW and this forum has helped tremendously, especially when considering how fast the world and technology is changing.  I bought the book "Russian Bride Guide".  I liked it.

I have some questions about the dating process.  Below I’m referencing a couple threads on the process of finding a wife (threads listed below).  Specifically, I’m referencing a “How to Get Started” response in one of the threads, using the "Visit Many" approach.

My specs:  39, normal straight white male, fit and not hard on the eyes.  Busy corporate career.  Live in Dallas TX.  Healthy active lifestyle.  Speak English, no Russian.  Looking for a woman 29-33.  Finding women is easy. Finding one that’s wife and mom material, damn near impossible.   Zero interest in sex tourism.  Actually looking for a wife.


I.   Caliber of FSUW to look for?
A.   High.  Good to excellent English, educated with a professional job, lives in a big city, owns a car and can drive, traditional family with traditional values. 
        a.   Is a woman like this really going to leave her family and friends?  Is she more likely to bail before we get married?
B.   Medium.  Good to excellent English, educated with a government job (doctor, teacher, etc), may or may not have a car or drive, traditional values. 
        a.   She’s not quite the “money ball girl” above, but this woman seems more likely to move to the US and put in the effort to see it through to a marriage and staying married?
C.   Low.  Not much English or none, education may be limited, probably not a great job, probably no car, lives in a big city or somewhat close, strong traditional values.
        a.   This might work for someone who speaks Russian and has a lot of money to invest in her.  I don’t speak Russian and this seems like a lot of hurdles to overcome.


II.   Method for finding the women to meet in person?
A.   Online Sites – basically, skype with 5 or 6 girls and then fly to Russia to meet them
        a.   This seems shady, but the more recent forum post suggests this is the preferred method.  Is that the consensus?
B.   An Agency – usually a fee of $1500-$2500.  Supposedly provide 5 or 6 girls to meet, arrange the meetings, an apartment, and translator.
        a.   I like the idea of this approach, but it seems like I’m putting a lot of control and trust in an agency I don’t know and can’t verify.
C.   Agency + Online sites – use an agency and have couple ladies from online sites
        a.   On the surface, this seems like the best approach, but then again, if technology has made it easy to find high class FSUW online, maybe the agency method is inferior/outdated?


III.   Time to Invest before meeting in person?
A.   Not much communication before meeting in person (still assume I skype with them to ensure they speak English and look like their photos)
        a.   I’m leaning toward this direction, but how long before traveling should I do this?  Is one month enough time to Skype 5 or 6 women and have a couple conversations?
B.   A lot of communication before meeting in person
        a.   It would be great to  a better sense of the person, but I won’t know chemistry until I meet her in person.  This could be a lot of work for nothing.

IV.   Miscellaneous Questions
        a.   Do most women have the capability to video Skype?  I guess I’m wondering if I.A and I.B women have computers, the internet, and enough bandwidth to video skype at home?
        b.   If they don’t have video Skype abilities, is there another app they can use that does have video abilities (maybe WhatsApp?)?
        c.   Does anyone provide consulting services?  I’d rather talk on the phone to someone that knows the current process and technologies/etc. 

The best path looks like I.A, II.A, III.A.  But that seems like a tall order.  Maybe I.B, II.AorC, III.A is more realistic?


Step by Step Instructions (different parts of the same thread)
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php/topic,4390.msg393003/topicseen/highlight,Pimsleur.html#msg393003
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php/topic,4390.msg261295/topicseen/highlight,Pimsleur.html#msg261295

"Moneyball" strategies and best practices to the FSUW search
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=21197.msg369660#msg369660

How to get past ANASTASIA's cost.  Process seems a bit involved.  I don’t have time for it.
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php/topic,21685.0.html

[Steveboy]

I think if any FSU women saw what you just wrote she would think you have some kind of mental problem and would run a mile...

Its best just to go with the flow and see what happens. But if you are not able to make a fair few visits and your looking for a 20 something barbie doll, your best of forgetting about it from day one.

[AvHdB]

John, welcome to RUA!

A simple heads up you are searching for a partner, not the newest computer.

As Steve suggests go with the flow. Read travel reports on RUA.

Av

[Markje]

I suggest to totally cut out the english capability of the Lady.

It is unimportant. In the beginning you can hire a translator and when things get serious pay for english class.

(or do both).

[B.B.]

Simplified Version:

1.  Turn off computer.

2.  Get on a plane and go meet ladies.

Sorted,

B/B

[leslied]

A little advice from a guy who has achieved what you wish to do.

Your definition of "Caliber" needs a total rethink

I.   Caliber of FSUW to look for?
A.   High.  Good to excellent English, educated with a professional job, lives in a big city, owns a car and can drive, traditional family with traditional values. 
        a.   Is a woman like this really going to leave her family and friends?  Is she more likely to bail before we get married?
B.   Medium.  Good to excellent English, educated with a government job (doctor, teacher, etc), may or may not have a car or drive, traditional values. 
        a.   She’s not quite the “money ball girl” above, but this woman seems more likely to move to the US and put in the effort to see it through to a marriage and staying married?
C.   Low.  Not much English or none, education may be limited, probably not a great job, probably no car, lives in a big city or somewhat close, strong traditional values.
        a.   This might work for someone who speaks Russian and has a lot of money to invest in her.  I don’t speak Russian and this seems like a lot of hurdles to overcome.

On any foreign facing agency or dating site the fluent English speakers receive most attention.  If the lady is also hot she is likely a "top twenty" girl.  In my experience you should avoid this group completely.  Very high % of good time girls.  Lots of competition.  You will spend your money and ultimately waste your time.

Professional qualifications are difficult to convert into their western equivalents.  You will likely spend years and $100K+ doing this.  Of course it is possible.  PM Orchid, she is in this process right now.  Simple fact is that any woman's career will take a big hit when she moves to the west.  She might hold a managers job in Moscow and exchange that for a junior level office job when she first starts working in the USA.

This brings us to your Low Caliber group. I think this is where you should concentrate your search.  Look for a woman who has a college education (if this is important to you), holds a reasonable job (not a shop girl?) and an average standard of living.  These women have less to lose and more to gain by emigration.  Markje is correct English level is not so important.  Willingness and ability to learn English is. Be prepared to be the principle breadwinner in your future household.

The single most important criteria is that the girl loves and trusts you.  You must share a common vision of the future.


If you are using the Visit Many approach you must use it properly. Do not mix it with Visit one approach.  This will end badly as you will have to tell lies.  Read my many posts on Visit Many.

You should be aiming to meet 20+ women on your first trip - not 5 or 6!

Do not play internet spooky!  Maximum 6 messages and a couple of Skype calls.  Enough to establish truthful identity and mutual interest. No more.

Be honest that you are meeting several women. DO NOT LIE.  Visit one types will stiff you when you tell them this. They won't date like this.

Most important advice.  Do not waste time on doubtful prospects.  Move on, date someone else.

I wasted months playing internet spooky and in the process lining "Fat Yuri's" pockets.  I also face to face dated 97 women before I found my wife...

All women have a mobile phone and access to Skype.  If you are told otherwise - Next.

BB gives excellent advice - "Get your ass on a plane"
 
 

[Steveboy]

Its impossible really to give you any advice unless you let people know your age and ideally a photo of yourself..

If your under 30 you are wasting your time any way what ever advice you take , 30-35 some chance bit it will not be easy and probably more trouble than most want or need (Hence many go for the filipinos ) 40/50 you can do it, but be prepared to break your back doing it unless you are lucky 

50/60 If you are serious and search a women within  realistic age group you have a better chance than the rest...

If your from Europe your chances are better if your from the US chances are not so high..

Here is a simple question to help determine if you have any chance ..

In Russia do they have food and supermarkets?

1. Answer NO..... then forget it stay in your village with mother..

2. Answer YES... it may help in your quest..


 

[Gipsy]

Its impossible really to give you any advice unless you let people know your age and ideally a photo of yourself..

If your under 30 you are wasting your time any way what ever advice you take , 30-35 some chance bit it will not be easy and probably more trouble than most want or need (Hence many go for the filipinos ) 40/50 you can do it, but be prepared to break your back doing it unless you are lucky 

50/60 If you are serious and search a women within  realistic age group you have a better chance than the rest...

If your from Europe your chances are better if your from the US chances are not so high..

Here is a simple question to help determine if you have any chance ..

In Russia do they have food and supermarkets?

1. Answer NO..... then forget it stay in your village with mother..

2. Answer YES... it may help in your quest..


 

FFS steve, re-read the OP, he says that he's 39, and looking for the age group 29-33..

To the OP, good luck with your quest...
Remember, send NO money..
Get on a plane as soon as you have some people to see..

[andrewfi]

Don't over think this. Practice your social skills at home - that is to say, get on some dates, make sure that you know how to present yourself well and how to act in female company and then go get on a plane.

Almost every profile you come across on a 'marriage agency' site will be, to a greater or lesser degree a fake so be prepared to make arrangements to meet real women. Follow the advice presented by Les, you won't go far wrong.

Oh, one bit of advice that you won't get anywhere else: If you think you know something about 'Russian Women' then understand that until, and unless, you have had several close relationships you don't. That means any stereotypes you carry, any preconceptions that you have been fed with - all are bollocks, meaningless. So, the advice is this: decide why you want to marry a foreign woman and then work to make your 'package' attractive to such people.

[Steveboy]

Its impossible really to give you any advice unless you let people know your age and ideally a photo of yourself..

If your under 30 you are wasting your time any way what ever advice you take , 30-35 some chance bit it will not be easy and probably more trouble than most want or need (Hence many go for the filipinos ) 40/50 you can do it, but be prepared to break your back doing it unless you are lucky 

50/60 If you are serious and search a women within  realistic age group you have a better chance than the rest...

If your from Europe your chances are better if your from the US chances are not so high..

Here is a simple question to help determine if you have any chance ..

In Russia do they have food and supermarkets?

1. Answer NO..... then forget it stay in your village with mother..

2. Answer YES... it may help in your quest..


 

FFS steve, re-read the OP, he says that he's 39, and looking for the age group 29-33..

To the OP, good luck with your quest...
Remember, send NO money..
Get on a plane as soon as you have some people to see..

I just came out of the pool and had a few beers, I did not see that...

[rosco]

John,

I'm guessing you're an academic type who excels in logic rather than social environments. Nowt wrong with some preparation but as the others already said, get on a plane and meet some ladies.

Who knows what type of guy you are but that opening post came across pretty nerdy. Read up a bit on style with GQ or mens fashion, update the wardrobe, maybe work out a bit and get some good self confidence. Enjoy life, go on some dates and if you really fancy it, arrange a few dates with women abroad.

This isn't an exact science but if you're in a good place and being honest with yourself when meeting ladies....things fall into place. Try to be someone else or force it and it'll not end well.

Good luck and enjoy the ride.

[AvHdB]

Don't over think this. Practice your social skills at home - that is to say, get on some dates, make sure that you know how to present yourself well and how to act in female company and then go get on a plane.

Almost every profile you come across on a 'marriage agency' site will be, to a greater or lesser degree a fake so be prepared to make arrangements to meet real women. Follow the advice presented by Les, you won't go far wrong.

Oh, one bit of advice that you won't get anywhere else: If you think you know something about 'Russian Women' then understand that until, and unless, you have had several close relationships you don't. That means any stereotypes you carry, any preconceptions that you have been fed with - all are bollocks, meaningless. So, the advice is this: decide why you want to marry a foreign woman and then work to make your 'package' attractive to such people.

Personally I suspect you are what is called a drive by poster; one or two posts and you disappear. Not such a problem because at any given moment there might be a few to over 30 lurkers reading this thread. So you understand on occasion Andrew and I do not concur. He can be verbose, get used to it. In fact it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. But his advice here is sound.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Look at it this way women are women, they do not come with an instruction manual. But Slavic women have something that many women in North America do not have and that is pride.

My suggestion is get a passport and get ticket. If you want to see Russia you need a visa (pretty easy to obtain). About six weeks before departure write to women. Going to Russia see if you can use some one from the firm of Steveboy and perhaps use his database. If you decide on Ukraine, there is Milaa and Sterlitz (the spy). I would suggest pick a country and than a region. Learn about the culture and the people.

If you want to write us about your expierences feel free to do so.

[Jerash]

I agree with all the advice you are being given here, it is all eminently sensible.

Just remember that the Eastern Girls are like everywhere else, in the sense that they run the spectrum of types. Each is unique and individual.

For example, the "caliber" of woman I have been speaking to recently speaks almost no English, is well-educated, has a good job, drives and owns a vehicle, and lives in a small city (in the middle of nowhere).

So, you never know who you'll meet.

I know a little bit of Russian and have been so far surviving with that and Google translator. I also started learning Russian again, so I've been trying to apply that and it helps with the communication!

Each girl is different and each guy is going to find his own way.


But plenty of good advice won't hurt your chances, and I think a lot of it is already on offer in the responses to your original post.


.

[mjohn81]

Everyone has been super helpful.  I've got thick skin and I know its easy for things to be taken wrong via texts/forums.  With that said, I appreciate everyone taking time to respond.

leslied - I might just try the non-English speaking women.  I'd put in the elbow grease and time to learn Russian while she learns English.  Just thought determining chemistry might be challenged and it might be hurdle we get tripped on.

andrewfi - I'm an engineer/statistician, so I frequently overthink things   It helps to have you guys boil down the mess into something simple.

rosco - I can totally see why you'd think I'm the academic type.  I'm definitely a thinker, but socially I'm normal and in style.  In fact that seems to be part of the problem.  I meet a lot of ladies, but they are almost all party girls.  I think I missed the boat on finding a normal woman in my early 30s.

In a nutshell, what I'm hearing is to get on a plane, spend some money, and see what happens (prep with a few communications to make sure the ladies are who they say they are).  I'm good with giving that a shot. 

[mjohn81]

back to issue of Video Skype.  Is a video chat likely or unlikely with a Ukrainian or Russian?  Obviously, I'd feel most comfortable confirming identity and looks via a video session.

[AvHdB]

OK John, You have a plan remember, when you meet women to keep on breathing. Slavic women do not like blue guys.

Most women have Skype, Face Time or what is also gaining ground in Europe is Viber. Consider the time difference.

[leslied]

back to issue of Video Skype.  Is a video chat likely or unlikely with a Ukrainian or Russian?  Obviously, I'd feel most comfortable confirming identity and looks via a video session.

I already answered this question.  Everyone has access to the internet and Skype,  Just video chatted with family in Vinnitsa, Ukraine no problems.  Most women have Skype on their smartphones.  If they tell you they don't they are simply telling lies - dump and talk with someone else. 

[Fashionista]

I've got thick skin

Fun factoid. In Russia saying that someone has thick skin is an insult. It is usually a person who is insensitive, inconsiderate and cannot read people. Took me a while to get used to this being practically a compliment in the West.

You've got to do something with your caliber-a,b,c thing, it's a huge turnoff. Putting people on a 1 to 10 scale isn't going to fly in Russia.

otherwise, good luck.

[mjohn81]

probably should have used "ease of transition to the US" instead of "caliber".  By caliber I didn't mean to imply a ranking of the quality of the women.

[andrewfi]

I've got thick skin

Fun factoid. In Russia saying that someone has thick skin is an insult. It is usually a person who is insensitive, inconsiderate and cannot read people. Took me a while to get used to this being practically a compliment in the West.

You've got to do something with your caliber-a,b,c thing, it's a huge turnoff. Putting people on a 1 to 10 scale isn't going to fly in Russia.

otherwise, good luck.

Yes, you are right and, for what it is worth is an interesting insight into the ways in which 'Russian' mindset differs from that found in North America. Whilst we might look back and say, with reason, that the Soviet era was unworkable I have no doubt that the manner in which it should have worked was in keeping with the much more group oriented mindset found in most people in Russia and 'Russish' (my own word) environments. In the US and, to a lesser degree, in Europe and English speaking countries individualism is a highly prized attribute. That is much less the case in Russish countries and communities.

That difference is, IMHO key to understanding, or in the case of the US misunderstanding Russia, Russian people and how Russia works. Right now, everything that the US and its allies are doing to unseat Putin and unsettle the people is simply serving to enhance the group orientation of the people. If blokes like Eduard Limonov are behind Putin then one knows that any opinion polls showing huge support for Putin are, if anything, understating the support Putin, as leader of the Russian people everywhere, has.

[Fashionista]

I've got thick skin

Fun factoid. In Russia saying that someone has thick skin is an insult. It is usually a person who is insensitive, inconsiderate and cannot read people. Took me a while to get used to this being practically a compliment in the West.

You've got to do something with your caliber-a,b,c thing, it's a huge turnoff. Putting people on a 1 to 10 scale isn't going to fly in Russia.

otherwise, good luck.

Yes, you are right and, for what it is worth is an interesting insight into the ways in which 'Russian' mindset differs from that found in North America. Whilst we might look back and say, with reason, that the Soviet era was unworkable I have no doubt that the manner in which it should have worked was in keeping with the much more group oriented mindset found in most people in Russia and 'Russish' (my own word) environments. In the US and, to a lesser degree, in Europe and English speaking countries individualism is a highly prized attribute. That is much less the case in Russish countries and communities.

That difference is, IMHO key to understanding, or in the case of the US misunderstanding Russia, Russian people and how Russia works. Right now, everything that the US and its allies are doing to unseat Putin and unsettle the people is simply serving to enhance the group orientation of the people. If blokes like Eduard Limonov are behind Putin then one knows that any opinion polls showing huge support for Putin are, if anything, understating the support Putin, as leader of the Russian people everywhere, has.

I don't know anything about politics and country leaders , but you're right, it's not just a question of translation, it's about attitudes too. Lifestyle in Russia is more communal. There are positives and negatives to it too, depends on a personality.

[pando]

I've got thick skin

Fun factoid. In Russia saying that someone has thick skin is an insult. It is usually a person who is insensitive, inconsiderate and cannot read people. Took me a while to get used to this being practically a compliment in the West.

You've got to do something with your caliber-a,b,c thing, it's a huge turnoff. Putting people on a 1 to 10 scale isn't going to fly in Russia.

otherwise, good luck.

Yes, you are right and, for what it is worth is an interesting insight into the ways in which 'Russian' mindset differs from that found in North America. Whilst we might look back and say, with reason, that the Soviet era was unworkable I have no doubt that the manner in which it should have worked was in keeping with the much more group oriented mindset found in most people in Russia and 'Russish' (my own word) environments. In the US and, to a lesser degree, in Europe and English speaking countries individualism is a highly prized attribute. That is much less the case in Russish countries and communities.

That difference is, IMHO key to understanding, or in the case of the US misunderstanding Russia, Russian people and how Russia works. Right now, everything that the US and its allies are doing to unseat Putin and unsettle the people is simply serving to enhance the group orientation of the people. If blokes like Eduard Limonov are behind Putin then one knows that any opinion polls showing huge support for Putin are, if anything, understating the support Putin, as leader of the Russian people everywhere, has.

I don't know anything about politics and country leaders , but you're right, it's not just a question of translation, it's about attitudes too. Lifestyle in Russia is more communal. There are positives and negatives to it too, depends on a personality.

I might be deviating from the original topic of this thread, but the last post, claiming that lifestyle in Russia is more communal (than in the US and in Europe, I presume) puzzles me.  With the risk of having misunderstood the posting, my impression is to a large extent the opposite. People in Russia very seldom, in my experience, act communally (communal in my dictionary defined as "belonging to or used by a community as a whole"). Some examples: in the apartment block of my parents in law in Russia, the entire main entrance and stairs stink of puke and piss, no paint, sparse or no light, no renovation, and outside areas look the same. The same with many blocks I have visited in the same city and elsewhere in Russias. Reason: since it is common area, nobody cares, nobody preserves, washes etc. Not possible to arrange a system between the residents to wash and repair, since it "is not mine, why should I care - none of my business".  Inside in the flats it suddenly looks impeccable, clean and fresh. This is completely different in the countries I have lived in in Europe, Norway, Netherlands, Germany. Italy. Especially in the Scandinavian region, people are acting far, far more communal then in Russia. This can also be witnessed in for example popular spots on the countryside outside of big cities; for instance lakes where people barbecue in the summer.  People routinely leave litter and rubbish after them, no big deal, people simply don't care for common areas. What matters is the private space, where the family live. Everything else - not my business. I will not even start on the topic of corruption and tax evasion etc.  From this perspective, I can not agree that the lifestyle is more communal than in Europe.

[Annushka]

I like this Twitter account. Backward Russia.

https://twitter.com/BackwardRus

And it is always dirty streets of Moscow. They went out at 5 am on Tverskaya, dirt, bottles, packages and drunk Tajik janitor.



One of the worst is the underground world in Kazan. Everywhere graffiti, swearing on the walls. Homeless drank chekushku.





In Russia, the farther away from Moscow, the more terrible. Let's look at God forgotten, dense and impenetrable Khabarovsk.





Russia does not produce anything of their own! What kind of crap is that? We think that this is another moonshine ...



Russian stand in line for moonshine, near the garage Santa Kuzmich, from which he rolled his moonshine.



Hells hostel of Tomsk Polytechnic University. It's just a terrible place, similar to some dens.





Bloody Russian regime, the bloody sky and bloody river bloody ship with prisoners of Putin's camp ...

[andrewfi]

Pando, maybe some misunderstandings creeping in here. I used the term 'group oriented' another poster took that as being a synonym for communal and your perception of 'communal' restricts itself to common areas in buildings. The latter is simply a management issue and not an expression of national culture or psyche.

Thus is a good example of what we, in English, refer to as Chinese Whispers - the process by which a transmitted message picks up errors in transmission at each stage  resulting in a different message being received than was sent.

The issue about which you ranted is a housing management issue that is being rectified by the use of residents management committees and housing associations.

[Steveboy]

I've got thick skin

Fun factoid. In Russia saying that someone has thick skin is an insult. It is usually a person who is insensitive, inconsiderate and cannot read people. Took me a while to get used to this being practically a compliment in the West.

You've got to do something with your caliber-a,b,c thing, it's a huge turnoff. Putting people on a 1 to 10 scale isn't going to fly in Russia.

otherwise, good luck.

Yes, you are right and, for what it is worth is an interesting insight into the ways in which 'Russian' mindset differs from that found in North America. Whilst we might look back and say, with reason, that the Soviet era was unworkable I have no doubt that the manner in which it should have worked was in keeping with the much more group oriented mindset found in most people in Russia and 'Russish' (my own word) environments. In the US and, to a lesser degree, in Europe and English speaking countries individualism is a highly prized attribute. That is much less the case in Russish countries and communities.

That difference is, IMHO key to understanding, or in the case of the US misunderstanding Russia, Russian people and how Russia works. Right now, everything that the US and its allies are doing to unseat Putin and unsettle the people is simply serving to enhance the group orientation of the people. If blokes like Eduard Limonov are behind Putin then one knows that any opinion polls showing huge support for Putin are, if anything, understating the support Putin, as leader of the Russian people everywhere, has.

I don't know anything about politics and country leaders , but you're right, it's not just a question of translation, it's about attitudes too. Lifestyle in Russia is more communal. There are positives and negatives to it too, depends on a personality.

I might be deviating from the original topic of this thread, but the last post, claiming that lifestyle in Russia is more communal (than in the US and in Europe, I presume) puzzles me.  With the risk of having misunderstood the posting, my impression is to a large extent the opposite. People in Russia very seldom, in my experience, act communally (communal in my dictionary defined as "belonging to or used by a community as a whole"). Some examples: in the apartment block of my parents in law in Russia, the entire main entrance and stairs stink of puke and piss, no paint, sparse or no light, no renovation, and outside areas look the same. The same with many blocks I have visited in the same city and elsewhere in Russias. Reason: since it is common area, nobody cares, nobody preserves, washes etc. Not possible to arrange a system between the residents to wash and repair, since it "is not mine, why should I care - none of my business".  Inside in the flats it suddenly looks impeccable, clean and fresh. This is completely different in the countries I have lived in in Europe, Norway, Netherlands, Germany. Italy. Especially in the Scandinavian region, people are acting far, far more communal then in Russia. This can also be witnessed in for example popular spots on the countryside outside of big cities; for instance lakes where people barbecue in the summer.  People routinely leave litter and rubbish after them, no big deal, people simply don't care for common areas. What matters is the private space, where the family live. Everything else - not my business. I will not even start on the topic of corruption and tax evasion etc.  From this perspective, I can not agree that the lifestyle is more communal than in Europe.

They have many many housing estates like that in the UK with the communal area I guess the hallway to the apartment block stinking of piss and puke often on the floor Saturday morning, dog ends all over the place , the grass ripped to pieces outside and usually covered in garbage or dog shit.

Maybe your chasing around some women in the poorest area of some shanty town and thats why you have such bad experiences of the communal area..

Try going up market..