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Author Topic: Matters of the Heart  (Read 1785 times)

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Offline GreyScales

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Matters of the Heart
« on: October 30, 2014, 01:53:59 PM »
Ladies,

Here's a good one for ya....

We western guys meet, court and bring you to our countries - all in a compressed amount of time.  A lot of "expressions" of love fly back and forth, and, for the most part, the guy "loves" his new lady.  For the ladies, I suspect there are feelings, possibly "love".  Possibly not.

I was reading an interesting article today surrounding "arranged" marriages http://loveumentary.com/5-important-relationship-lessons-you-can-learn-from-an-arranged-marriage/.  The article made a number of interesting points about the couple and their "feelings" towards each other.  One interest point made in the article caught my attention - "some" of the ladies that go into arranged marriages do so without really knowing their husbands to be.  And without the kinds of love in their hearts that would happen getting to know the other person thru prolonged courting.

As I read this article, and several others around the same topic, I was struck by so many similarities with WM/RUA-W and the relationships we develop.

1) Many times, we don't really know each other
2) Sometimes, there may not be deep feelings of "love" from both
3) Things are compressed and a married life happens quickly
4) You learn who the other person is under the "fire" of marriage

My question is - if you don't feel a deep "love" for the other person, and you marry them, is it possible to learn to love them?

This becomes an even bigger question should the couple have children.  In today's economy, especially given the ease of divorce, does it make sense to "try" to love?  Or to give up?

I realize each persons experiences are different...


GS

Offline NS1

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Re: Matters of the Heart
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2014, 03:09:01 PM »
Ladies,

Here's a good one for ya....

We western guys meet, court and bring you to our countries - all in a compressed amount of time.  A lot of "expressions" of love fly back and forth, and, for the most part, the guy "loves" his new lady.  For the ladies, I suspect there are feelings, possibly "love".  Possibly not.

I was reading an interesting article today surrounding "arranged" marriages http://loveumentary.com/5-important-relationship-lessons-you-can-learn-from-an-arranged-marriage/.  The article made a number of interesting points about the couple and their "feelings" towards each other.  One interest point made in the article caught my attention - "some" of the ladies that go into arranged marriages do so without really knowing their husbands to be.  And without the kinds of love in their hearts that would happen getting to know the other person thru prolonged courting.

As I read this article, and several others around the same topic, I was struck by so many similarities with WM/RUA-W and the relationships we develop.

1) Many times, we don't really know each other
2) Sometimes, there may not be deep feelings of "love" from both
3) Things are compressed and a married life happens quickly
4) You learn who the other person is under the "fire" of marriage

My question is - if you don't feel a deep "love" for the other person, and you marry them, is it possible to learn to love them?

This becomes an even bigger question should the couple have children.  In today's economy, especially given the ease of divorce, does it make sense to "try" to love?  Or to give up?

I realize each persons experiences are different...


GS

This topic is here somewhere. IMO todays world of relationships is tough enough,
I would hope both were in love before getting married, but know way to know that for sure,
if someone is willing to say the words without meaning.

Keep one thing in mind, when you marry locally, there is no 100%, that is no different with international
marriage, still no 100% Just because you spend considerable time energy and money, does not give you any more guarantees. Only each person can  do what is right for them.

Most people that have done this have been married previously, how long did they date and know their wife before marriage? what was the end result?
There is nothing permanent except change.

Online yankee

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Re: Matters of the Heart
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2014, 02:28:39 AM »

Most people that have done this have been married previously, how long did they date and know their wife before marriage? what was the end result?

We dated for over three years before marriage and have been married for 6.5 years and still going strong.
What is worse than not being able to get what you don't even want?


 

 

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