WMVM with a clear favorite in a less traveled city?

[SearchingForMore]

I am currently writing a FSUW from Volgograd, and things are progressing nicely. Perhaps a bit faster than I had anticipated, but from what I've read on these forums that is likely a good thing. 

We are currently writing each other via regular email. I have her phone number and we are planning on scheduling a call soon. Likely this week. She has expressed a few times how she hopes I am serious,
with the strong implication that she has had her time wasted with keyboard Romeos in the past.

Visiting her in Volgograd looks like it's a doable if things continue to go as well as I hope. My concern is if I do visit her, and there are no sparks, I don't really have a backup plan for the trip. I haven't found a great deal of potential matches in Volgograd, and I'm not sure how to arrange more
meetings “on the fly” if she and I have no chemistry.

Basically, I'm looking for advice on whether to ramp up my search for Volgograd girls, and as a corollary are there any good agencies anyone would recommend? I could also focus more on Moscow, but that would require very flexible accommodations. Or I could focus on the girl I am writing to now, and play everything by ear if she and I have no connection when we meet.

For the record I would likely be able to visit in early December. Perhaps not an ideal time weather wise, but Volgograd seems to have a similar climate to Indiana, where I live. I personally like cold weather far more than hot humid weather, and as I have a very outdoor job I'm fully versed in dressing warmly in layers. (Although I doubt my Carhartt overalls would be appropriate in Russia )

Any thoughts/advice will be greatly appreciated! 

[Larry]

I am currently writing a FSUW from Volgograd, and things are progressing nicely...

We are currently writing each other via regular email. I have her phone number and we are planning on scheduling a call soon. Likely this week. She has expressed a few times how she hopes I am serious,
with the strong implication that she has had her time wasted with keyboard Romeos in the past.

Visiting her in Volgograd looks like it's a doable if things continue to go as well as I hope. My concern is if I do visit her, and there are no sparks, I don't really have a backup plan for the trip. I haven't found a great deal of potential matches in Volgograd, and I'm not sure how to arrange more
meetings “on the fly” if she and I have no chemistry.

Basically, I'm looking for advice on whether to ramp up my search for Volgograd girls, and as a corollary are there any good agencies anyone would recommend? I could also focus more on Moscow, but that would require very flexible accommodations. Or I could focus on the girl I am writing to now, and play everything by ear if she and I have no connection when we meet.

For the record I would likely be able to visit in early December. Perhaps not an ideal time weather wise, but Volgograd seems to have a similar climate to Indiana, where I live. I personally like cold weather far more than hot humid weather, and as I have a very outdoor job I'm fully versed in dressing warmly in layers. (Although I doubt my Carhartt overalls would be appropriate in Russia )

Any thoughts/advice will be greatly appreciated! 

1. Yes, most of these girls have dealt with keyboard romeos. 

2. You are correct to be thinking of backups in case things don't go well with the girl you are going to visit. I suggest getting a mamba.ru membership in advance of your trip.  The reason I suggest getting it before your trip is that some guys have had difficulties setting up a membership when they are in FSU.  I think there will be a number of Volgograd girls on mamba. Pay the few dollars extra for the upgraded membership. 

[SearchingForMore]

Thanks Larry.
I actually have a Mamba account, but I haven't used it much. I tried to start a few conversations to help improve my Russian writing/reading (Using Pimsleur for speaking) but I haven't focused much on Mamba yet.
Is there any trick to finding girls who are open to meeting American men? Or is it just a process of talking to everyone I am able to?

[tzwd72]

+2

[Larry]

Thanks Larry.
I actually have a Mamba account, but I haven't used it much. I tried to start a few conversations to help improve my Russian writing/reading (Using Pimsleur for speaking) but I haven't focused much on Mamba yet.
Is there any trick to finding girls who are open to meeting American men? Or is it just a process of talking to everyone I am able to?

One advantage of using a site like LuckyLovers or Elena's Models is the girls there are looking abroad.  On mamba, of course, the vast majority of girls are not looking abroad. You would just have to write to A LOT of girls, let them know you are in Volgograd and would like to meet them, and see how many good responses you get.  You might be able to set up a number of coffee meetings using this method.  If you catch the interest of a girl she might seriously consider moving abroad to marry, even if she had never considered the idea before.

[2tallbill]

Thanks Larry.
I actually have a Mamba account, but I haven't used it much. I tried to start a few conversations to help improve my Russian writing/reading (Using Pimsleur for speaking) but I haven't focused much on Mamba yet.
Is there any trick to finding girls who are open to meeting American men? Or is it just a process of talking to everyone I am able to?

If you become a VIP and put a few dollars on your account ($20.00 is plenty)
You can search using things like English etc.

[PBRstreetg]

Since you already have access to Mamba that's good. The same deal (ie. pro-daters, scammers da da da)
multiplied can occur there but good for you the benefit of 'once bitten twice shy' surely applies.
Don't forget about .RU personals that will get dates also, caveat emptor.
Stay with your plans, don't resort to Moscow as a backup IMO.
 
Playing it by ear is logical but women are women, and at this distance anything and everything goes.
Patience and dedication worked as far as I've seen so far. You don't have to decide immediately,
unless she's in your lap speaking in an indecipherable language.
Even then, patience pays forward. Don't get married on first trip, or 5th date))
 
Privet     
 
 
 

[2tallbill]

I haven't focused much on Mamba yet.

Is there any trick to finding girls who are open to meeting American men?
Or is it just a process of talking to everyone I am able to?

It seems you are going mostly WOVO with a back up plan. Once you are
resorting to your backup plan you are playing a numbers game. I can tell
you that there is an excellent girl in Russia who would be perfect for you.

What I can't tell you is which girl she is. So you need to write hundreds and
hundreds of Russian girls and start eliminating the girls who are not the future
Mrs SFM. The more girls you sift through the more likely you will find her. The
key is not to waste any time on girls who are not the future Mrs SFM.

You meet a girl who is hot, hot, HOT! yet seems kind of disinterested?
DUMP HER! you are risking missing out meeting the genuine Mrs SFM
never date a girl twice unless you think she might be the one. You have
limited time with boots on the ground, that's why you spent so much time
finding the girl you are going to meet.

I hope the girl you are going to meet is the ONE. You should remain cautiously
optimistic that she is. If you determine that she isn't then you go to your
backup plan. Once you find a girl that you think is possibly the future Mrs
SFM then stop everything and pursue her exclusively.

Here is an example of a guy who had everything going for him.
1. He spoke good Russian
2. He is handsome (I've met him in person)
3. He is smart, successful etc.
4. He has excellent social skills
5. He isn't old (like me)
6. He did a lot of excellent preparation


He did everything opposite of what I tell people to do when his boots hit the ground
1. He planned to meet many girls but he wrote them dozens of letters
2. He uses PUA tactics
3. He finds an excellent girl yet keeps dating other girls
4. He gives vague answers to questions. Russian women do not do vague.
5. He can't make a decision so he goes home without finding the best girl.


http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=6973.msg100483;highlight=dva+bit#msg100483


NOTE: I met my fiance using my backup plan. 

Udachi!

Bill

[SearchingForMore]

Bill,
I think you make a very good point about there being a girl in Russia who is perfect for me.
On a side note, I just purchased an international card for my phone, and I am looking forward to speaking with her soon. I am very concerned about my poor Russian skills, but hopeful that her English skills will compensate.
I think I'll go look through posting for handy Russian phrases.....

[Larry]

I am very concerned about my poor Russian skills, but hopeful that her English skills will compensate.
I think I'll go look through posting for handy Russian phrases.....

Here is a large collection of Russian language resources:

http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?board=18.0

If the two of you have difficulty speaking with each other you can always hire an interpreter there.  Some of the words and phrases you can learn in the threads at the link above will help you get around once you land.  Oh, and be sure to begin by learning the Cyrillic alphabet.  It won't take many hours and it will be helpful for you to read road signs, restaurant signs, and signs of all sort.

[2tallbill]

Bill,
I think you make a very good point about there being a girl in Russia who is perfect for me.
On a side note, I just purchased an international card for my phone, and I am looking forward to speaking with her soon. I am very concerned about my poor Russian skills, but hopeful that her English skills will compensate.
I think I'll go look through posting for handy Russian phrases.....

I will give you two assignments first learn all these words (this will be the
easy part) 

http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=6648.0

Second learn these phrases, there are 17 chapters and you need to learn
some phrases from each chapter  (this is the hard part)

http://www.meighan.net/alexander/Chapter3.htm

[SearchingForMore]

Good, advice Larry, and thanks for the link to phrases. I already can "sound out" most words I don't know, and occasionally I'll even understand them based on my muddled phonetic pronunciation.
I've also thought of hiring an interpreter, but I haven't discussed it with my girl yet. Her phrasing is a bit unconventional, but over the course of ten or so emails I seem have had very little trouble picking up on her meaning. Or at least our emails tend to back reference to earlier messages with some regularity, which I'll take as a good sign. We are writing in English, and I hope and think she's not using a translation program.

[2tallbill]

Good, advice Larry, and thanks for the link to phrases. I already can "sound out" most words I don't know, and occasionally I'll even understand them based on my muddled phonetic pronunciation.
I've also thought of hiring an interpreter, but I haven't discussed it with my girl yet. Her phrasing is a bit unconventional, but over the course of ten or so emails I seem have had very little trouble picking up on her meaning. Or at least our emails tend to back reference to earlier messages with some regularity, which I'll take as a good sign. We are writing in English, and I hope and think she's not using a translation program.

Get her on the phone and get her on Skype.

Translate a phrase to Russian. Then I read it to her. If she speaks fluent English
she might not want to do this because it's a little like going back to the first grade
for her. I do that with my girl quite frequently. It improves my Russian.

[SearchingForMore]

I just had my first international phone call with a Russian girl. Or ever for that matter.  It went very well, she spoke very good English.
We spoke for about 20 minutes, and I think (hope) we avoided any major misunderstandings. I did use the old trick of repeating what she said in my own words, so there were a couple times where I misunderstood and she corrected me, but nothing serious.
The only Russian I spoke was "Можно Зоя?" when she answered the phone, and she replied in English.
I would say 75 per cent of the conversation was her gently trying to determine if I was serious or just a keyboard Romeo. There was nothing overt, but statements she made like "I think many men come here and don't care if they break a woman's heart." are fairly dead give aways.  I must have passed all the tests, because she wanted to know when I could call again. She also said she took me more seriously than many men because I didn't didn't begin every email with "Beautiful Zoya" Or "My sweet Zoya" like others have. I was very clear that I did think she was beautiful, but she is more than just a pretty girl, and how the connection I felt was more than just physical attraction.
I'll wait a short while before I broach the subject of skyping, but not too long, because I am sure it would ease communicating a lot.

[2tallbill]

I'll wait a short while before I broach the subject of skyping, but not too long, because I am sure it would ease communicating a lot.

Here are a couple of variations to what I have done in the past.

I want to talk to you on Skype. I want to make sure that you can see what I
look like. I realize that I'm only slightly better looking than a shaved monkey
but if you see me on a fish eyed Skype lens and still like me then I won't have
to worry about you running away screaming when you see me in the airport.

I want to look in your eyes when I talk to you. I want to see how many times
I can make you laugh.

I want you to see me and I want to see you. If you don't like me or I don't
like you then I don't want to waste any more of your or my time. I am on a
quest to find my soul mate. I think it might be you, but if it's not you then
lets move on and find the right person.

If they still say no, then I would dump them faster than a used tuna can.

Udachi!


Bill

[SearchingForMore]

Thanks again for the advice Bill.
I'm in no great hurry to initiate skyping with her, by which I mean I'd like to have another phone call or two first. I hope to call her again later this week. We've exchanged several emails since we spoke this morning, and she expressed surprise that I called so quickly. I think it was a good surprise at least.
Sometime in the next few emails I'll bring up Skype and see what happens. I've only rarely used Skype myself, but I did open it up and dust the cobwebs away so it would be ready soon. (Ok, I had to have them reset my password because I forgot.)

[Moby]

Any thoughts/advice will be greatly appreciated! 

1/  can you afford it ?

2/ know what YOU want

3/ try to understand what she wants

4/ understand that even if you think you've found the right one that Russians say 'you have to eat 50 tonnes to salt together - to really understand one another' . Any language barrier makes that understanding take a lot longer.

[blast]

Hello SFM.  TooTall has good advice...   

I was fortunate to find Mrs. Blast on my first WoVo trip, but I also had a backup plan if it didn't work.  My wife also initially complained from various previous keyboard romance experience... such that when we first met on-line, the thing she was looking for the most in a Man was 'someone that took actions, not just words'.

One key to our success is that we met on an open site that offers a personality profile test (for small premium membership)... this test is properly translated in both English and Russian, such that the predicted compatibility for me and my wife was spot-on!  This compatibility matching went a long way in helping us share some of that 50 tonnes of salt before our first meeting.

The site:  www.lava-place.com

From my search, I started communications with 5 'compatible' women of my choice, and with 2 women that had chosen me... of this 7, the field was narrowed down to 3 at the time of my first trip.  For me, I did not use Skype until after the first meeting, making it easy to break off connection with the other 2 when it became clear I had met Mrs. Blast. 

Oh yes, my first meeting was in Nizhiny Novgorod was in late Feb. (6 weeks after we met on-line)   I did enjoy the cold weather during this trip. 

Arriving in Moscow, she met me in the airport for the 5-hour train-ride back to her city.  I then checked into the local hotel (automatic police registration), and went from there.  The hotel allowed us to start slowly, giving her space while she was deciding if I was Mr right... Within 4 days of my 10-day trip, I was allowed to meet my future step-son, and we both decided to plan our next steps of building our future.

Moby's advise is also accurate: 
Know what you are looking for (you must know yourself before you can know what you are looking for)... then try to understand what she is looking for. 

From that angle, there was a point in our first meeting (day 8) where I had caution that our life goals did not quite fit:  as she was very involved in her Salsa Dancing circle (at semi-pro instructor level) .  While this talent is very exciting and unique, I felt like she might be looking for the life of a pro-dancer, not the life of a wife and mother .  This crossroad was our moment of bonding, as she admitted the dancing was only her escape from the difficult working single-mom life she was living, explaining this hobby offered escape from the pain of not having a husband and family.  After this crossroad, we found that we both wanted the same thing,   and we experienced a deeper bonding from that moment forward 

That trip was back in Feb of 2011, and I can still remember the slight fear in the back of my mind as the plane was landing at SVO (Sheremetyevo International).  I reminded myself that this was an adventure, and this fact would mean anything could happen!  I dropped the negative thoughts and decided to just GO FOR IT!

When I speak about this moment now with Mrs. Blast, we laugh about her memory of how strange I looked to her in person... body language, manner of speech, dress, etc.  She also had the same slight fear I had at the first meeting.

When you hold the first meeting, understand RW will likely have the same fear and caution that you have.  But actually, this is where the adventure begins! 

[Jeffery]

The site:  www.lava-place.com

Interesting site.
But what do you make of its honesty?
Showing dozens and dozens of women 'online' at 3-4 a.m. their time!   

[blast]

The site:  www.lava-place.com

Interesting site.
But what do you make of its honesty?
Showing dozens and dozens of women 'online' at 3-4 a.m. their time!   

Jeffery... This site is like most 'free sites', in that it will have a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly (WM = the ugly?)

I had a very easy time filtering out scam risk profiles, and I did enjoy the large number of fresh profiles being added each week.  It was also easy to see who was active in the site, and who was not.

The constant on-line issue may be because of smart-phones being connected all-hours of the day.  Similar to my smart phone constantly connected to my home Wi-Fi showing on-line status in Skype (even though I am fast asleep)

I used the site filtering in this fashion:  1) Are they recent to the site?  2) are they active?  3) are they thoughtful in their posted profile communication?  4) Are they well educated?  5) Are they open to someone of my age group (within reason!) 

From this set of filters, I would send out test communication that would comment on a mutual interest or book.  The predicted personality match also was key to this search criteria.  I found communication with women of less than 4/5 matching stars was often a waste of time.   

I would say I did review several hundred profiles before I had communication with the short list of 5. 

To quote CaptB: (
If you are adventuress, flexible, don't need a lot of hand-holding, surprises are no problem.....then go for it. Because of cultural differences, language.....and no such thing as "perfect" translation....... marriage to a RW.....is the "Graduate"......program. There will be added difficulties for sure.....but extra rewards.......if you survive :-)

This is right on the money!  Have you completed prerequisites to participate in the "Graduate" program of finding your RW?

 

[Orchid]

To quote CaptB: (
If you are adventuress, flexible, don't need a lot of hand-holding, surprises are no problem.....then go for it. Because of cultural differences, language.....and no such thing as "perfect" translation.......
marriage to a RW.....is the "Graduate"......program. There will be added difficulties for sure.....but extra rewards.......if you survive :-)

Have you completed prerequisites to participate in the "Graduate" program of finding your RW?
This is right on the money!

You, guys, are so funny!
I repeat again and again: Western men are the best husbands in the world!!!
My apologies to RM. They need to work hard on their degree to be competitive.
I hope RW do not miss this moment when they read this forum.
It’s late. I am done with a paper in my Anthropology class about Inca culture.
I wish it would be about Russian-American cross culture.
May be next time, or next class, or next life, or next degree……. 
 

[Annushka]

I repeat again and again: Western men are the best husbands in the world!!!

Orchid, can I ask you a comparative analysis of Russian and American your husbands?

[sharonhaber00]

For the record I would likely be able to visit in early December.

The time has come

[2tallbill]

General question...it doesn't mean in just PH, could just be a coworker or someone you've met somewhere random.

If I like to have conversation with someone, does that mean I'm infatuated with them
or have a crush on them or something like that?

I'm not sure I understand the question.

If you talk to a waitress about the weather it doesn't mean you are infatuated with
her. In international relationships you want to save your feelings until you meet in
person.

In many of my adventures with FSUW we had a great connection until we met in person.
You either have chemistry when you meet in person or you don't. Sometimes the person
you are communicating with has a fatal flaw for a long term relationship with you. So you
want to try to keep your feelings separate. My goal was to be cautiously optimistic. I wasn't
always successful.

When things fall apart after months of conversations after finally meeting in person,
I've often been very discouraged. However, I've dusted myself off and started searching
again. I met my wife because I kept searching when things fell apart.

Udachi!


Bill


“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out.
The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.
Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.
They’re there to stop the other people.” —Randy Pausch