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Author Topic: Go to wife or work dilema ?  (Read 16910 times)

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Offline marriedguy

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Go to wife or work dilema ?
« on: June 29, 2014, 06:48:39 PM »
I got married to my wife who is from Ukraine, this was my third trip there, I was there for 2 weeks, we decided to get married. The day after our marriage, I left back to the States.

I felt really guilty leaving her, the day after our marriage :(.

I do not have much vacations at work, I am applying for her visa for her to come back here.

But she is crying every day, saying she misses me and wants me to come live with her in Ukraine.

I do not know what to do, leave here , quit the job and live with her, with not much money in savings.

Well that means I cannot apply for her to come here.

I am in a tough situation, don't know how other people manage long distance relationships.

I know family comes first then Job.

I do not know what to do   :'( should i go and live with her in Ukraine ?

Offline Manny

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2014, 06:58:08 PM »
What was your long term plan after marriage?

Or didnt you have one?
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Offline mcs

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2014, 07:09:06 PM »
Manny I am going to say he didn't have one.

You both should have had concrete plans as to what was going to happen over the next six months. If you give up a job now you are going to regret it down the line.

Smitty


Offline WestCoast

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2014, 08:38:16 PM »
MG what is the job market like in your industry? If it's good and you have a chance of getting an equally good job a few years in the future, why not move to Ukraine and live there for a while. Do you have a skillset that could transfer to a decent paying job in Ukraine? What about a job in a different country? Could you both live and work in the EU or Thailand or somewhere else?

We had one member who moved his wife to just over the US border in Mexico to wait out the time it takes to get a visa.
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Offline SOUTHERN X

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2014, 09:39:14 PM »
What was your long term plan after marriage?

Or didnt you have one?

im also interested in his response to this above

pretty essential basic ingredient in this is to have some agreed plan in mind before & after marriage

SX

Offline leslied

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2014, 01:28:15 AM »
A simple question?

Where do you expect to spend your married life?

If it is in the USA you MUST NOT give up your job.  A successful visa application depends on you being in employment and earning sufficient money to suppport your wife.

Very few occupations transfer easily to Ukraine.  You also need to be fluent in the language to have realistic employment prospects. 

Talk with your current employer.  Ask if unpaid leave will be allowed.  If so, then plan to visit every 3 - 4 months for a couple of weeks.  You must make your wife aware that the visa process will take several months. 

We have ALL had to wait for the visa process.  It is not a pleasant experience.  Your lives are on hold, in limbo. subject to the capricious nature of a government agency...

This is not an easy road to travel but adversity builds strength if the relationship is true. 

Good luck to you both  :)

Offline Chris

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2014, 01:36:43 AM »
Leaving only one day after getting married is a very poor piece of planning on your part, no matter if you have many holidays or not, it should have been planned much better, or you should have waited until you had more time to organise things, but its too late now,  you need to start planning your future together and get back over to be with her pronto.
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Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2014, 03:02:28 AM »
Excellent advice from Leslied. Giving up that paying job will kill your visa prospects.

It is funny that this question comes up because I was editing some photos yesterday and these two were part of a group I'd taken in the Moscow Metro.



The sign is promoting a magazine with job listings that is available in press boxes in Metro stations. As you can see (sorry for the blurry photo) you much purchase the magazine.

ila_rendered

For what it is worth, работа is a reputable journal but those with active internet access can go online to www.rabota.ru (работа means work/job) and get the listings for free.

Another poster nearby advertises a job working in the Metro for a company called vMedia. You must have your own car as the job entails delivering and stocking various magazines to these machines in assigned Metro stations.

I'm guessing/hoping that it is part time as the pay promised on this sign is 5,000 rubles per month. (Go convert that at www.xe.com and see if you come up with around $150 per month.)

In Russia foreign residents are expected to take a specialized position that could not be performed by a current citizen or start a business that brings capital and jobs to the country, along with proving some level of language skill sufficient to communicate day to day.

Guys who think of moving there just to be with a lady are going to face far steeper challenges due to severe lost of income in most cases.

Online andrewfi

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2014, 05:15:08 AM »
Errrrkkkkk!

It is not easy to move to another country and start from scratch making a living. You are going to need to understand what your transferable skills are and be creative in terms of finding ways to apply them. However,  Les is right about the US visa thing so you may be between a rock and a hard place as a result of not planning.

I suspect we can reliably infer that your new wife has never set foot in your country. That's not good because you have no insight into her ability to make such a move.

Worse yet,  Ukraine is in the process of imploding both socially and economically which means the chances of a foreign bloke,  with no external support, finding a way to make a life are slim and getting slimmer by the day. Right now the biggest upheaval is in the eastern regions but that disruption will be moving westward. For example,  utilities are being disconnected in Kyi (hot water going off without reference to the normal summer maintenance schedule.) and energy costs will be increasing manifold over the coming months. In addition I'd not want to be the naive foreigner who comes into contact with envious and hostile youth who prefer to blame others for their misfortunes - you will be a target if you choose to live there,  count on it.

The chances are that you can only succeed by being in the US and that should be the focus of your endeavours.

While you should make efforts to visit your wife it may be more important to prepare for moving her to the US. You may need to be setting aside money to fund her integration rather than spending that money on visiting her.
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Offline Danchik

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2014, 05:29:51 AM »
I got married to my wife who is from Ukraine, this was my third trip there, I was there for 2 weeks, we decided to get married. The day after our marriage, I left back to the States.

I felt really guilty leaving her, the day after our marriage :(.

I do not have much vacations at work, I am applying for her visa for her to come back here.

But she is crying every day, saying she misses me and wants me to come live with her in Ukraine.

I do not know what to do, leave here , quit the job and live with her, with not much money in savings.

Well that means I cannot apply for her to come here.

I am in a tough situation, don't know how other people manage long distance relationships.

I know family comes first then Job.

I do not know what to do   :'( should i go and live with her in Ukraine ?
You might want to look into the possibility of bringing her to the US faster because you're already married. Not sure how the "new" laws affect your situation, but I have heard of men bringing their brides to their country expeditiously by filing differently than a K-1.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm sure someone on this forum has information about this (AJ?).
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Offline yankee

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2014, 08:39:50 AM »
I married my wife in Russia.  It only took 8 months to process all of the paper work and get her visa.  I doubt if it can happen much faster.
What is worse than not being able to get what you don't even want?

Offline rosco

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2014, 08:44:19 AM »
Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

You may choose not to answer this but did you sit down with your wife to be and discuss your short and long term future? If not, I'm surprised you got married at all.

I wouldn't move to Ukraine for all the cheap Cossack souvenirs in Zaporozhye, the US is likely to be your best bet for a stable family life. At least in the short term.

Keep your job, save as much money as you can and redistribute it towards your marriage. That means looking for extra holidays, unpaid leave, visiting her or spending a week or two abroad together. All you can do is reassure her that you love her even more and you'll do all you can to make it work.

Can you work harder in your own business, can you take overtime, can you take a second job or maybe start your own business? FSU women love a man who can find a way to get on in life.....you need to do exactly this.

Good luck.

Offline PBRstreetg

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2014, 10:30:08 AM »
marriedguy (I copied that xexe) please sir let me ask you a question. Did you meet her on first trip or what?
Разрушить всегда легче, чем построить. Обидеть проще,чем простить. И врать всегда удобней , чем поверить. А оттолкнуть намного проще, чем любить

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2014, 12:58:52 PM »
I do not know what to do, leave here , quit the job and live with her, with not much money in savings.

I know family comes first then Job.

I do not know what to do   :'( should i go and live with her in Ukraine ?

Here is my advice,

Comfort her on Skype, listen to her, reassure her and tell her you love her and
miss her..... that it seems like a long time now, but in a few years blah, blah, blah.

Talk to her extensively about the future, children, education, etc. Get her busy
working on this future too. English lessons, driving lessons, etc. Does she have
a degree? get it translated and epistled (sp). Get her added to your insurance, explain it all to her. Get bank information. Add her to your electric bill. Show
her the bill with her name on it. Take a photo of every room in your house and
the yard front and back. Get her planning on what flowers need to be planted
where the garden should be and what colors the rooms need to be painted.   

She misses you, she wants to start her future with you now. Get her working
on her future with you.

Then get your butt to work diligently and doggedly work weekends, a second
job etc to build up some savings and extra vacation time etc.

Your job is to be the man. You need to make money for and have time off
for her arrival.

When she arrives she is going to be incredibly dependent on you.

Be the man, be her man of action. Don't whine, don't get all indecisive she
needs you to be her stability.

Udachi!

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline yankee

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2014, 03:21:12 PM »
[
Here is my advice,

Comfort her on Skype, listen to her, reassure her and tell her you love her and
miss her..... that it seems like a long time now, but in a few years blah, blah, blah.

Talk to her extensively about the future, children, education, etc. Get her busy
working on this future too. English lessons, driving lessons, etc. Does she have
a degree? get it translated and epistled (sp). Get her added to your insurance, explain it all to her. Get bank information. Add her to your electric bill. Show
her the bill with her name on it. Take a photo of every room in your house and
the yard front and back. Get her planning on what flowers need to be planted
where the garden should be and what colors the rooms need to be painted.   

She misses you, she wants to start her future with you now. Get her working
on her future with you.

Then get your butt to work diligently and doggedly work weekends, a second
job etc to build up some savings and extra vacation time etc.

Your job is to be the man. You need to make money for and have time off
for her arrival.

When she arrives she is going to be incredibly dependent on you.

Be the man, be her man of action. Don't whine, don't get all indecisive she
needs you to be her stability.

Udachi!

Bill

actually it is apostille but good advise.
What is worse than not being able to get what you don't even want?

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #15 on: June 30, 2014, 03:59:04 PM »

actually it is apostille but good advise.

Thank you Yankee

I had it so far wrong that spell check couldn't help me.

Udachi!

Bill

PS (it's good advice)  ;D
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline marriedguy

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #16 on: June 30, 2014, 04:03:47 PM »
I work as a senior software developer, there are tons of jobs in this Industry. Finding a job is not hard. I want to work another 6 months save some money. And go live in Ukraine. That has been one of my ideas. I was looking in to EU. But people there dont have jobs, I don't know if there are many jobs in the EU for programming. 


MG what is the job market like in your industry? If it's good and you have a chance of getting an equally good job a few years in the future, why not move to Ukraine and live there for a while. Do you have a skillset that could transfer to a decent paying job in Ukraine? What about a job in a different country? Could you both live and work in the EU or Thailand or somewhere else?

We had one member who moved his wife to just over the US border in Mexico to wait out the time it takes to get a visa.

Offline marriedguy

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #17 on: June 30, 2014, 04:05:26 PM »
My plan was to work here in the US for a few years, then move to another country and retire  ;D


What was your long term plan after marriage?

Or didnt you have one?

im also interested in his response to this above

pretty essential basic ingredient in this is to have some agreed plan in mind before & after marriage

SX

Offline marriedguy

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #18 on: June 30, 2014, 04:07:03 PM »
I have no plans of working in Ukraine. The people there have no jobs and are struggling.


Errrrkkkkk!

It is not easy to move to another country and start from scratch making a living. You are going to need to understand what your transferable skills are and be creative in terms of finding ways to apply them. However,  Les is right about the US visa thing so you may be between a rock and a hard place as a result of not planning.

I suspect we can reliably infer that your new wife has never set foot in your country. That's not good because you have no insight into her ability to make such a move.

Worse yet,  Ukraine is in the process of imploding both socially and economically which means the chances of a foreign bloke,  with no external support, finding a way to make a life are slim and getting slimmer by the day. Right now the biggest upheaval is in the eastern regions but that disruption will be moving westward. For example,  utilities are being disconnected in Kyi (hot water going off without reference to the normal summer maintenance schedule.) and energy costs will be increasing manifold over the coming months. In addition I'd not want to be the naive foreigner who comes into contact with envious and hostile youth who prefer to blame others for their misfortunes - you will be a target if you choose to live there,  count on it.

The chances are that you can only succeed by being in the US and that should be the focus of your endeavours.

While you should make efforts to visit your wife it may be more important to prepare for moving her to the US. You may need to be setting aside money to fund her integration rather than spending that money on visiting her.

Offline marriedguy

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #19 on: June 30, 2014, 04:08:53 PM »
You are right on what you said, about putting aside money, than visit her every 2 months  (:)


Errrrkkkkk!

It is not easy to move to another country and start from scratch making a living. You are going to need to understand what your transferable skills are and be creative in terms of finding ways to apply them. However,  Les is right about the US visa thing so you may be between a rock and a hard place as a result of not planning.

I suspect we can reliably infer that your new wife has never set foot in your country. That's not good because you have no insight into her ability to make such a move.

Worse yet,  Ukraine is in the process of imploding both socially and economically which means the chances of a foreign bloke,  with no external support, finding a way to make a life are slim and getting slimmer by the day. Right now the biggest upheaval is in the eastern regions but that disruption will be moving westward. For example,  utilities are being disconnected in Kyi (hot water going off without reference to the normal summer maintenance schedule.) and energy costs will be increasing manifold over the coming months. In addition I'd not want to be the naive foreigner who comes into contact with envious and hostile youth who prefer to blame others for their misfortunes - you will be a target if you choose to live there,  count on it.

The chances are that you can only succeed by being in the US and that should be the focus of your endeavours.

While you should make efforts to visit your wife it may be more important to prepare for moving her to the US. You may need to be setting aside money to fund her integration rather than spending that money on visiting her.

Offline Ste

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2014, 04:39:48 PM »
I work as a senior software developer, there are tons of jobs in this Industry. Finding a job is not hard. I want to work another 6 months save some money. And go live in Ukraine. That has been one of my ideas. I was looking in to EU. But people there dont have jobs, I don't know if there are many jobs in the EU for programming. 


Plenty of jobs in EU, well in IT anyway, just not in programming/dev, we have cheap Indians offshore for that. Plus you'd need a visa to work in the EU, not easy unless you are supersonic....

Living in Ukraine as a Westerner won't be cheap either unless you like to slum it.
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Online andrewfi

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #21 on: June 30, 2014, 05:35:20 PM »
So what you gonna do?
I'd be surprised if you had enough money to retire because if that were so you'd have the money to take time out right now.

You won't be working in Ukraine.

Sorry don't understand,  given what you have told us, where you are at.

If you don't have much in the way of savings now then a few months is not going to get you ready for early retirement so work will have to be done for quite a few years. If you are no longer thinking of working in Ukraine then your only viable option is to export your wife to the US as fast as possible.

If you Base yourself in the EU and you have relevant skills you could move into contracting but that's going to require visas for you and she and you're going to have to be willing to commute across Europe and take the risk that you may be unable to sell yourself. That means you are better off in the Land of the Free than over here.
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Offline Mikeav8r

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #22 on: June 30, 2014, 07:32:19 PM »
I married my wife in Russia.  It only took 8 months to process all of the paper work and get her visa.  I doubt if it can happen much faster.

Yeah, too late for the K-1 (which is the fastest method..albeit very slow for half the country ATM).  He will have to do the K-3/I-130 (I think they are renaming it) which will take a good year at best.

I agree with others above in that Ukraine is not an option.  Get cracking on the paperwork to get her to her new home ASAP.  Keep her in the loop, stay strong (for both of you) and get back over there for an extended visit soon.  Try to visit a couple of times at a minimum as the wait is going to be extensive.  She can also visit on a tourist visa in the meantime.
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Offline Manny

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #23 on: July 01, 2014, 12:37:45 AM »
Can I ask how many times you met this woman prior to marriage? And the age difference between you?
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Offline Ste

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Re: Go to wife or work dilema ?
« Reply #24 on: July 01, 2014, 02:11:02 AM »

If you Base yourself in the EU and you have relevant skills you could move into contracting but that's going to require visas for you and she and you're going to have to be willing to commute across Europe and take the risk that you may be unable to sell yourself. That means you are better off in the Land of the Free than over here.

If it's IT Contracting you refer to then that's not really viable either, most (i'd say all but I've no experience of all states!) EU states have work visas tied specifically to a controlling employer, even the UK has suspended Tier 1 Gen./HSMP so it's not possible to contract that way. Additionally certainly in the world of IT contracting it's offer Friday, start Monday, no time for any visa faffing.....

Also you need a fair amount up dynamism to succeed as a contractor and unfortunately the OP doesn't seem to have that...
O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.


 

 

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