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Author Topic: Thrill of the hunt? Pursuing Perfection? Why does it take so long in some cases?  (Read 5197 times)

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Offline doc holiday

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All of that said, I do consider myself blessed to have met my wife.  I cherish every day we have together.  But, to attribute it to luck is foolish and belittles what we have together.

Just a different view.
The rather random act of contacting each other , random complete strangers on a planet of billions, then later flying over to meet my wife as a person of romantic interest, in another country , that THEN resulted in marriage,  versus all the other possible out comes of a first date- is not some natural conclusion to pre- vetting , pre- planning , etc. it was luck ,blessed, fortune , destiny.. whatever anyone wants to label it.

Granted ,certainly our time spent getting to know each other, prior to marriage isn't luck or fortune.

To say I was lucky to meet her , I was lucky she happened to contact me , and me her,
simply takes nothing away from each of our investments into the future of the relationship after meeting.

I don't see it as belittling the relationship to simply admit it was a pretty haphazard and random occurrence that brought us together at its root,as that's most always the case.

 Further while i do read people well, I'll take no credit for being able to *see* any compatibility ,just from a random internet profile or photos, that were merely interesting enough for me to respond.
Yes, after that initial contact- us both being able to read people well I do think helped increase the odds we would be compatible. A lot of communication, a lot of time spent together helped establish that.

Vetting prior to a trip should naturally increase a couples odds, as well as more time spent together.
 Choices to do so are not luck.
Still I can't tell those people who communicated long and thoroughly,seemed to be in-tune which each other,  yet upon meeting felt no spark at all, that they could have made choices that would have helped them ultimately find someone more quickly in this venture.
 
I just do not think there is some magic formula or a vetting process or skill that combats the randomness of love in human relationships?
Are certain skills , or actions helpful? Absolutely!
 yet if anyone  could bottle it up, and it was as easy as do this, not that.
this forum wouldn't exist,past a couple of posts,  and it could be be nailed down to one trip , every time, period!  As long as you just followed steps 1,2 and 3.
:)

So back to the original question of the thread, are those looking long, making mistakes or simply not
fortunate in the game of contacting random strangers , which would work out to be compatible?

My guess it's a big mix of simply poor luck in contacts,poor choices in means of  contacting or  reading people, not inherently compatibly personality types, which greatly narrows the field for them..
(which gets back as well to those they contact perhaps being this way as well)
as many reasons as there are individual traits and personality types.

If you (or anyone) wants to think of it in these terms, then I do not disagree.  Sure, in the scheme of life the amount of specific, random things that had to take place for ANYTHING in life to have happened is unlikely.  If you took 200 events that were each going to happen 99% of the time, the likelihood of them all happening is about 13%.  A low probability event.  But, that outcome is still FAR more likely than any other specific outcome.  Are you lucky that something good happened that only had a 13% chance of happening or was it not luck at all in that the outcome that was most likely to happen actually did happen?  I understand both viewpoints.

I mean that in most cases when someone makes a decision the outcome of that decision was the one most likely to occur.  This is tautological.  If someone only made 2 or 3 choices in life then sure, they could have been unlucky.  But given the mass number of things you pointed out had to take place for two people to meet the laws of probability eventually take hold as N gets large and the most likely outcome will generally take place.
I'm your huckleberry

Offline doc holiday

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More specifically, I think there are a lot of reasons it takes some people a long time and many of them have been mentioned.

One of them is our concept of time.  A guy in the US who has limited vacation/travel time might only be able to make two trips a year.  If it takes that guy 5 years before finding a woman to marry did it really take so long?  That guy honestly might have been far more efficient than a guy who looked locally, was able to date every week and meet new women every week and eventually got married in 2 years.  The first guy might have only met 7 or 8 women and the second guy might have dated 20.  Given the nature of this endeavor, it is not surprising that it takes a long time for a lot of people.

I'm your huckleberry

Offline Anteros

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And then there's some of us who thoroughly appreciate his avatar. Don't change a thing, Bill  :thumbsup:

This from a guy who would rather go on Safari in Africa than date a real woman in the FSU... :sick0012:


Oooooooh. Good dig. Yeah, that one hurt  (:)

Not sure I would want to take an FSUW (or any) on a safari so this makes sense to knock it out now.  I went on a photo safari in  1986 while spending a week in Mombasa.  One of the greatest adventures I have experienced.  FSU dating takes more preparation so why not get the easier trips done now...FSUW aren't going anywhere...

Thanks Mike. I'm sure Africa will be an absolutely amazing experience. Besides, Anteros wasn't being serious anyway. Were you Anteros?

Just an observation that your priorities are different than most of the men who post here, which you confirmed and that's fine.  IMO most who post here are at a point where they would rather spend time and money going to Russia or Ukraine for the possibility of getting busy with a beautiful woman with a sexy accent and body and the possibility of meeting their other half.

I got my travel bug out in my 20's so would rather be with someone on a trip than by myself; don't like to travel long distances anymore TBH unless it's for what I mentioned above.

Call it anal, meticulous, or whatever, but it's served me well in life so I think I'll continue to employ this approach to any serious steps in life.

Translation: I'm VERY serious about marrying a FSUW and will start when I'm God damned good and ready. It's not like I traveled all the way to Kharkov to meet Michael Mordinson just to have dinner with him. He's a hell of a nice and professional guy, but I also hope to use his services in the future (as well as EM).

So, you travelled all the way from the USA to Kharkov, Ukraine, but only met with the male owner of an agency (Michael Mordinson) but did not meet with any ladies?   :smokin:

Something is seriously wrong with that picture, but maybe it's just my opinion. 

Perhaps if you had met with 5 or 6 ladies, you would have met one who wanted to join you on Safari in Africa.  But if you prefer to watch the ass-end of a pack of Zebra's as they run away from your Land Rover by yourself, by all means to each his own.   :chuckle:
Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.


Offline Manny

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So, you travelled all the way from the USA to Kharkov, Ukraine, but only met with the male owner of an agency (Michael Mordinson) but did not meet with any ladies?   :smokin:

Something is seriously wrong with that picture, but maybe it's just my opinion. 

Perhaps if you had met with 5 or 6 ladies, you would have met one who wanted to join you on Safari in Africa.  But if you prefer to watch the ass-end of a pack of Zebra's as they run away from your Land Rover by yourself, by all means to each his own.   :chuckle:

Why are you so concerned with his technique? Do you want to date Guppy?
please tell me where I'm being / have been 'dishonest'? 
Yes, he said that.........

Offline Anteros

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So, you travelled all the way from the USA to Kharkov, Ukraine, but only met with the male owner of an agency (Michael Mordinson) but did not meet with any ladies?   :smokin:

Something is seriously wrong with that picture, but maybe it's just my opinion. 

Perhaps if you had met with 5 or 6 ladies, you would have met one who wanted to join you on Safari in Africa.  But if you prefer to watch the ass-end of a pack of Zebra's as they run away from your Land Rover by yourself, by all means to each his own.   :chuckle:

Why are you so concerned with his technique? Do you want to date Guppy?

Touche.  No, I was just pulling his leg a bit.  Sorry Guppy.

Here's wishing everyone success in the New Year.  For me I've resolved to line up a date with a local FSUW.   :-X
Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

Offline GuppyCaptain

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And then there's some of us who thoroughly appreciate his avatar. Don't change a thing, Bill  :thumbsup:

This from a guy who would rather go on Safari in Africa than date a real woman in the FSU... :sick0012:


Oooooooh. Good dig. Yeah, that one hurt  (:)

Not sure I would want to take an FSUW (or any) on a safari so this makes sense to knock it out now.  I went on a photo safari in  1986 while spending a week in Mombasa.  One of the greatest adventures I have experienced.  FSU dating takes more preparation so why not get the easier trips done now...FSUW aren't going anywhere...

Thanks Mike. I'm sure Africa will be an absolutely amazing experience. Besides, Anteros wasn't being serious anyway. Were you Anteros?

Just an observation that your priorities are different than most of the men who post here, which you confirmed and that's fine.  IMO most who post here are at a point where they would rather spend time and money going to Russia or Ukraine for the possibility of getting busy with a beautiful woman with a sexy accent and body and the possibility of meeting their other half.

I got my travel bug out in my 20's so would rather be with someone on a trip than by myself; don't like to travel long distances anymore TBH unless it's for what I mentioned above.

Call it anal, meticulous, or whatever, but it's served me well in life so I think I'll continue to employ this approach to any serious steps in life.

Translation: I'm VERY serious about marrying a FSUW and will start when I'm God damned good and ready. It's not like I traveled all the way to Kharkov to meet Michael Mordinson just to have dinner with him. He's a hell of a nice and professional guy, but I also hope to use his services in the future (as well as EM).

So, you travelled all the way from the USA to Kharkov, Ukraine, but only met with the male owner of an agency (Michael Mordinson) but did not meet with any ladies?   :smokin:

Something is seriously wrong with that picture, but maybe it's just my opinion. 

Perhaps if you had met with 5 or 6 ladies, you would have met one who wanted to join you on Safari in Africa.  But if you prefer to watch the ass-end of a pack of Zebra's as they run away from your Land Rover by yourself, by all means to each his own.   :chuckle:

Read the last seven words of your post, rinse and repeat.

 tiphat

Offline Eduard

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But if you prefer to watch the ass-end of a pack of Zebra's as they run away...
Gosh, that sounds hot!  :laugh: But I have to agree with Guppy, to each his own!


 

 

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