Buying and remodeling a new home with my Russian Wife.

[DonA]

First a little background.

The home we presently own and live in was my former bachelor pad. So for the obvious reason Yulia ain’t lovin it.

So for some time we have been planning on getting a new home. We wanted to do it in 2005 but being that I am in real estate biz I knew that the market was on crack and it was sell time not buy time. So we sat back, sold all of our land deals and waited for the home market to wake up with a hangover and wonder what kind of fool they had been the night before. So now the market is a world of hurt so now it was time for us to see what we could get at below market.

We found such a deal in Scottsdale Az that needs to be pretty much gutted and remodeled..

I had promised Yulia that when we find a new home it will be her home to set up the way she wants…Big mistake

OK so see get a contractor, draftsman and an engineer. Yulia ,being an artist, drew up her ideas for the new house. As soon as I looked at them I knew I was in big big trouble. You see in Az the great room set up is what appeals and sells , so thinking as the businessman that I am I am always looking for the best exit strategy. I want to design the house to get the biggest bang for our buck on the way out. Ok biz-man aside now.

When I looked at the design I asked Yulia why she has the kitchen out of the way , in a little corner room. She says she does not want anyone seeing the kitchen and does not like to have the smell of food in the family-great room. Ok I says to my divinely beautiful Wife Yulia, let me show you a design that I think MAY make more sense. So I draw up a large luxurious chef style kitchen that is open to the great room with a center island that has a veg sink. All slab granite tops etc. really something from architectural review. Yulia takes one look at it scrunches up her face and say—I can’t stand it.. Oh brother I’m thinking how am I going to get her to understand this stuff without pissing her off. But before I can start to think about that I see how she wants to change the entrance way. In my mind the entrance way would be dramatic and open to the large great room. (the great room is about 14oo sq. ft.)..nope she  has it looking like an entrance cubicle with a bench for changing shoes and a coat rack behind it and a think rubber mat on the floor Only after passing through the entrance cubicle do you then see the house. I asked  her why she would want it like this. She told me she does not want people to walk in her house with shoes on ( we all heard that one before ), she does not want to see that room from the rest of the house and when people come over she wants them to hang their coats up there and not throw them on the beds like many of our friends do when we go to their homes for parties.

Yulia, baby, this is not really something we do here in Az.. we can have a little bench and place for slippers underneath it, but whats with the mat and all the coat racks. Yulia looks at me like I’m a moron and tells me ** If it snows we want them to get the snow off their shoes on the mat and to hang their coats up so the water drips on the mat and not on the floor.. Snow ? Yulia, baby, we live in the desert….She says—so does that mean it can not snow here??? Well she has a point. There .in the almost 14 years I’ve lived in the VALLEY OF THE SUN  I have seen,..what 3 maybe 4 snowflakes in all that time.  Oh  God please gimme strength.

I can see by the look on my lovely wife’s face she ain’t budging an iota. I know the next  thing out of her mouth is going to be ( and I’m right ) Don you promised me  I can design this home the way I want and this is what I want. Oh how I want to punch myself in the face for telling her that.

It gets better . she wants a little table and a few chairs in the entrance cubicle. I ask why, it is in case someone comes delivering packages she does not want them to see the home and she wants a place where she can sit to sign for those packages. I’m about to cry.

I start thinking as fast as possible, because Yulia has her temperature up and is digging in her lovely Russian heels.

So I tell her I agree with her but I think the deliver people should come to the side door off the driveway and we can put that table there and they will not see the home. She likes that idea. Then thinking fast again I mention to her that we should go and look at some open houses to get an idea of what works in our area. She likes that idea. So we did that , and now (thank God) she see that the Soviet style apartment kitchen is not the way to go.

Still working on the snow entrance though… any ideas people 


DonAz

[BCARTR]

Hey Don,
Thanks for the post, it gives us some light on what may come our way.
So if I ever build a house I will tell my Anna we will plan it together, therefore not leaving it all up to her. LOL  Sounds terrible, but you put yourself in a corner, literally.

I know one of the things Anna kept telling me every so often when I did something, she would tell me "This is Ukraine, this is how we do it here"  and that was that.

I am not advocating thats what you tell Yulia, but you may want to explain housing, and your exit strategy in case you want to move somewhere else in the future.
You know, and investment. (Of course you know).

As for the entrance cubicle, you can tell her that the delivery men are not allowed inside the house, due to safety issues for them and her.  So she would have to come outside to sign anyway.  Is that not the real case?  I know for a business it is different but for a home, I don't recall any delivery folks coming into the house, even when asked. 
Therefore your table outside on the side makes perfect sense due to the fact that they can put the packages there without entering the house, and not having them on the floor for Yulia to pick up. 
Anyways, just a thought
T.

[Chris]

I can see this being one loooooong drawn out build  

Still working on the snow entrance though… any ideas people  

Why not tell her that on the very rare occasions it does snow in AZ we will definately not be having any visitors for that hour as you would like to spend all that time just with her on your own, to share the unique experience together

I know I know it is a long shot, but until someone comes up with a better idea, it may buy you time

Chris

[Bruce]

Don, start showing her a lot of houses.  Let her know what X dollars will buy.   Once she knows what is out there and what things cost she will be realistic in what you are doing for her.   I gradually fixed things up in our town house, got rid of the tenant so we have the upstairs and downstairs and my wife is very happy here now.   Granite kitchens and new appliances go a long way.

[DonA]

Hey Bruce,
We are only going to keep MOST of the outside walls. Everything else is going including the roof. WE want cathedral ceilings and all that. WE will have slab granite in all the bathroom and kitchen. The master bath will be a state of that bathroom Yulia has  some great ideas there. Did you ever see one of those new Japanese toilets that do everything but song? WE are installing urinals in all the baths and including  one is the  powder room off the great room. The problem  with this is the budget isn't a problem because I will Be getting everything wholesale and some stuff for free . I am calling in many many favors. I've made my investors a boat load of money the last few years and they  all owe big time :-D. Yulia knows this, so to raise the money card well it's too late. Even my GC is doing it on the arm.

I have to say Yulia is much more practical then I am and is kind of holding me back fro going to wacky with the house. She did this also with the home we plan on building this Summer (hopefully) I wanted to have it Americanized. She does not. Saved a good bit of money too. I just want a master suite ( small ) with my Jacuzzi and I want my banya.

Along with a great barbecue set up for entertaining family and friends.


So Bruce when you visit AZ you MUST  stay with us or Yulia will want to know the reason why. I think it's great how well lour wives get along. Same goes for Sochi, even if we are not there, my MIL will host you  and even baby sit.. Warning though my MIL will spoil your little girl she is a typical babushka

Say hello and give V and the baby a kiss and hug fdrom the both of us


Don and Yulia

[Wild Orchid]

You can get a girl out of Russia but you can't get Russia out of that girl. When I was reading about her plans it's like a had a pick in any russian apartments.

[Bruce]

One day I hope to see you and Yulia's house so I can learn how to redo things if I ever get rich.   Just listening to your plans sounds like lifestyles of the rich and famous, which is great.  Hopefully, your contractors will work according to your schedule.  It always seems to me that those guys are so hard to get anything accomplished close to schedule.

[ielocal]

Don,

A small suggestion to make businessman's sense of that entry problem where the shoes go...we'll call it a mud room. Have an attractive set of entry doors set on the interior house side with no vent in that room to create an "airlock". That way in the heat of the summer, you will not loose as much cold air through the front door when someone enters. Should save a few $$'s on the cooling bill. 

[PlumberMan]

Don,

As far as the smell of food drifting into the great room, you can purchase a down draft stove that should do the trick

[Manny]

Don,

A small suggestion to make businessman's sense of that entry problem where the shoes go...we'll call it a mud room. Have an attractive set of entry doors set on the interior house side with no vent in that room to create an "airlock". That way in the heat of the summer, you will not loose as much cold air through the front door when someone enters. Should save a few $$'s on the cooling bill. 

We call that a hallway. 

[captmonk1]

How about some pictures? Before and After shots and what not of the house.  I think that would be cool.

[dwfunk]

First a little background.

. . .

I had promised Yulia that when we find a new home it will be her home to set up the way she wants…Big mistake

DonAz,

I was half way through your post and I was "screaming at the television"!   

You see, www.HAR.com IS our "home page" when our browser starts up!  Dude, I empathize with you!!   

But,    I kept reading and I see you did it, and you've got her looking at real houses!  I'm still in the process of convincing Natasha that just because it's bigger than we might consider, it is still worth looking at for ideas, etc.  Alas, so far, nyet!! 





------
David & Natalia
Republic of Texas / Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships

[dwfunk]

Did you ever see one of those new Japanese toilets that do everything but song?

You mean the ones that are being recalled because they develop an electric short and catch fire??   



------
David & Natalia
Republic of Texas / Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships

[leftshoe]

Don
get out of the way and let her do it.   I sounds like Yulia is function then form.. Like "form follows function." Make it comfortable and usable first then make it pretty and marketable. This is an opportunity for you two to create something unique and tailor made to function the way you live. But the business man and the salesman get in the way.  Center Island with granite tops and a vegy sink is marketable but really boring.

I am half joking because I do not know you well enough to say what is boring and what is function and what is beautiful in your eyes.  I do know that I just went through a major renovation of my won house and every day I knelt down and thanked the lord above that I did not have a spouse to deal with when making the decisions.  When I was married we could not make a decision on paint color.  To renovate a whole house or to custom build new one would be the ultimate test to the staying power of a relation ship.   

I am into wood work so I like variety and here in the east cost we have what is called the Mc Mansion.   The identical 35  to 45 hundred square foot house with a 1/2 round window above the front door and a chandelier that every one can see. bbbllllluuuuaaaaccccckkkkkk.  I think they are the ugliest thing in the building world simply because there are so many of them.  So I am a huge advocate of unique.  The opportunity to incorporate perspective from a different culture mixed with the personal knowledge of how you live is not one I would over look.  the Frank Loyd Write school is near you in AZ.  It was one of his design traits to create small cozy entrance ways,  People feel safe and comfortable in a less dramatic space, then let the house open up to grandeur.  Did Yulia know she was suggesting a Frank Loyd Write style foyer.

have fun with it.
Lefty

[mendeleyev]

Don, I feel for you man...and have no good advice!

I have learned that it's okay for me to have fashion and decorating opinions...as long as they are kept to myself!  My function, as I was so informed, was to move furniture to whereever it looks best.  And curiously, I have no vote in where it looks best. 

You've been married how long...and you told her what?!   

[KenC]

We have bought two different properties since we have been married.  Both were new construction, so there were few decisions to be made in the basic homes.  We have however lived in our current home for 5 years and have decorated it and have designed and installed the exterior landscape/hardscape. 

What I have learned is that Lena is great with color and material selection.  I step back and let her make the choices in those areas.  Even though she agonized over the interior color selection for painting, (many times doubting herself), I am very happy with the outcome.  Lena was also instrumental in designing our backyard (and that is the business I am in too!)  Being in California, with small backyards, it was a challenge to fit everything we wanted into a compacted area.  We worked side by side in the design process.  i have to say that it turned out great too.  We get many compliments on it's beauty and functionality too.

There are times though when you may have to go against the flow in regard to your RW's lack of experience.  Simply put, they just don't know what they don't know.  We had a company come in and design and make a custom entertainment unit for our flat screen TV, stereo equipment and cable/dish control boxes.  While at the house, the salesperson for the custom cabinate company suggested staining our fireplace mantle to match the new unit.  It came painted white and I never really liked the lack on contrast to the travertine I had installed around the face of the fireplace.  This was a perfect upgrade in my mind.  Lena fought tooth and nail not to have it stained for some reason.   :'(This was one of the few times since we have been married that I just went with my gut in spite of Lena's objections.  It has also turned out to be one of the few times that Lena has admitted that she was wrong and I was right too! 8)
KenC

[windchimes]

 I can really empathize with you Don. It was really interesting reading how Yulia does not want the smell of food in the rest of the house. I thought that I was the only man in this hemisphere with this problem. $900 worth of custom interior doors now stand between the kitchen and the rest of the house.

  As an aside, my wife is a designer at heart, but not profession. When we first started out, the color burgundy was her fetish. It was later replaced by beige/oatmeal. The interior of the house reflects this. The parlor( the room that one enters when they come through the front door) was painted four different times in the space of one summer before she settled on a color that she liked.

She thinks that she is Martha Stewart and that I am Bob Vila.


In the days when we were shopping for a house, she wanted a particular neighborhood in our city (near the park). She knew much more detail about every house in a 20 square kilometer area than an real estate agent in the area. She could have replaced any of them.