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Author Topic: My Sad Story - Advice Needed  (Read 16203 times)

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Offline bagalia

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2013, 11:44:27 PM »
You have not been together long enough to really know each other so it is possible that you are not meant to be together but two months in a foreign country is just about perfect for an older person to go culture shock. She is also a bit old to have a new language forced on her. I think it is more the latter than the former. I think she is feeling alone and confined and helpless in a land she does not understand and jealous that she might lose you.

I would talk more about how she feels as she may not even realize what is happening to her. I would give all the attention she needs like I would a sick loved one. I would need to insist that she start English classes. Some general signs are anxiety, dependency and irritability.

If after a few months I found that the above was not correct or that whatever we had was totally gone, lost cause etc. I would take one last vacation together including the home country, without an AP. That would be cruel of course even when combined with help to get her life together again but the alternative could be worse for me than it would be for her. Things would really need to be beyond help. :hidechair:
Misery is the river of the world; everybody row, everybody row.

Offline skuakidd

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #26 on: January 02, 2013, 12:04:07 AM »
Nunya
Thanks for the information.  It gives me something to check on.  If so in Arizona, then that may solve things for both me and her.  This is new territory for me.  My first relationship for going sour but it has not gotten that far yet.  By the way we know each other.  You did a great job for me and I feel very good about that. 

Appreciate the advice from everyone.  Of course some advice may apply in my case and some not.
I can't very well go into every detail here or things would make better sense.

A very good point about someone having been independent her whole life.  I realized that and it is one aspect of the situation.  Mr. X pointed that out to me about Miss SP (q.v. an earlier post).  Mr. X and I had long insightful email exchanges but I had to break things off with both.   


Offline ECR844

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #27 on: January 02, 2013, 12:07:03 AM »
"Skua,"

Did you catch her doing something untoward or planning something untoward in regards to you? Why did you marry her? If all was peachy before, and she was truly at the time of marriage 'a partner for life'; what has changed and why?

I have to say I agree with some of the other married posters here that based on what you are posting there is nothing here that indicates 'the end' has occurred or that you should be 'running' to lawyers. As with a few other experienced folks I see some of the possibilities they have commented on as well in your posts.

Having had some experience myself 'culture shock/adjustment' to a new country and a new marriage I can share a few things with you.

1.) She may not realize the extent of her personality changes and or actions as a result of adjustment and culture shock. It can take awhile for the person to realize this is what's happening and also adjust themselves. For myself, in the beginning I knew all about culture shock and the signs, etc... but I didn't notice them in my own behavior. Luckily it's something I spoke about with my wife extensively and she wacked me with her Russian clue bat when it started happening. Communication helps immensely for both of you. It's your responsibility to be out in front of it and communicating, supporting, helping her, and enabling her to cope with it. If she was highly independent in UA, then you should be making her apart of your shared lives there and allowing her to learn how to be more a part 'of the team'. You never know when you'll need her help to contribute to the family and do some basic tasks in society like paying bills, how to get around, etc...

Also more than likely, her being involved with these things will help her normalize quicker as it will be more akin to what she was used to doing for herself in UA, RU, or where ever she is from originally.

2.) Based on the little you have posted it seems like trust and communication have broken down. You need to be talking with her all the time and letting her know what's going on. I would say probably even more than you would think maybe necessary. Show her you care, and are attentive and concerned for her needs and feelings. Have you considered she maybe 'acting out' a bit because you miscalculated on something or made an error or she feels aggrieved in some way because you did not do something she feels you should have? Some of these ladies have the belief and understanding that you as the man should just know and do certain things in a certain way automatically and without being told. They forget that as a foreigner you may not even know, realize, think, or have overlook something innocently. Maybe you've done a bunch of smaller things like that and they and her increasing frustration have built up? Some of these ladies won't tell you what you did wrong, your 'just supposed to know'.

So you have COMMUNICATE with her and get her talking to figure what her real issue is with you or the situation. Again, not all of these ladies are like this, maybe yours is? Just a possible thought....


Remember as previous stated by others. The quality, validity and accuracy of the advise received here is directly proportional to the quality,  accuracy, and thoroughness of the information shared by you with the forum. At the end of the day you will be at least 50% of the reason your marriage ends or succeeds, try not to set a subconscious predetermined course for it.

For newbies, and lurkers remember marriage with an FSUW is not the end point of your journey and certainly not the demarcation line for entry into 'the winners circle.' Marriage is just one 'event' in your journey with your new partner and certainly the start of a whole lot of new and different bit of learning and work that you both need to do to continue to do throughout your whole life as 'partners, husband and wife, and a team' together.
 




 


Offline redroo

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #28 on: January 02, 2013, 12:16:14 AM »
Sir,
I also had a wife from the FSU with whom I had a lived a substancial amount of time with in her own environment without issue. My life also became a nightmare on her arrival in my own country. I expected this to last 6 months to a year, but in my case I allowed it to go for 8 years before finally giving up.
My wife spoke english, but still refused to watch tv, movies, socialize etc much like you describe. She had exclusively russian friends here.....and in my humble opinion many of them were TROUBLE.
My reason for making a comment is this;
I agree with the guys here saying 2 -3 months is not long enough to adjust, especially since she does not speak english. Many of them have gone through similar experiences INITIALLY, but things got better.
I also agree if you are showing her distrust, and a lack of understanding of the huge adjustment she is having to make, this is toxic.
My wife started our discussions about parting ways in a sensible, non agressive way. Once lawyers and Russian girlfriends got involved all hell broke lose, and I also was threatened with the DV card.
As you have been encouraged, get legal advice both divorce and immigration, also get your assets in order and accounted for, but do NOT attempt to hide anything now, or make any move that can be considered an "abuse".
Another member here once asked why I did not consider an annulment rather than divorce. Given I was married for 8 years and had a wonderful son with her it was not a considered option for me. It might be for you? ask your lawyer.
Can I ask why she was not learning english prior to you move to the US, and why she does not drive? Surely that is something that YOU should have made a priority given you live in the US. She is effectively trapped and totally reliant on you.
I can only make an assumption (foolishly) that you are not jealous of her given your ages. Some of the young Slavic girls face almost deliberate inprisionment due to their beauty and their man's jealousy, and fear she might find a "better" option. Again this is very toxic.
My wife spoke enough english to shop, socialize etc on arrival, but we enrolled her at college english classes within 2 weeks (to improve, and socialize with other new arrivals), and she had her own car and driving license within a month so that she had freedom to go where ever she chose and when. She also came out to me with a return ticket, knowing she could return if she wanted.
I agree with the statement that you should never send her home on a "holiday" with a one way ticket......shows very bad intent.
Good luck with this, but please as already suggested, consider your own behaviour and reactions. That 50% of the problem, 50% of the solution comment is GOLD.

Offline skuakidd

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #29 on: January 02, 2013, 01:00:19 AM »
Appreciate the response so far both here and on another board.  If I find something helpful, then fine, and if I think it does not apply in my case, then I just set it aside.  That’s fine also.  Now I feel much better prepared for when I give her the news. 
I know that many think (fervently) that she is having “adjustment” problems.  If she has, then she is doing a stellar job of hiding them, but nevertheless these same observers will insist that they are there.  That’s okay also.  They do not know her but it’s a reasonable opinion.
I used the term “one-way ticket” which has been taken negatively.  I suppose the negative aspect may have been intended by those who used this term (in my private emails).  Maybe better that here I just say ticket, but I am used to buying one-way tickets these days as a matter of course, unless there is reason to do otherwise.  I find one ways more convenient and even cheaper in my case as they give me flexibility.  Formerly one ways were more expensive or two ways required for entry but not these days where I go.  To me, one way means no return is decided.  I only buy discount tickets.


Offline Manny

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #30 on: January 02, 2013, 01:42:19 AM »
If I find something helpful, then fine, and if I think it does not apply in my case, then I just set it aside.

Does that mean you only want to hear views that agree with your preconceived ideas?

I know that many think (fervently) that she is having “adjustment” problems.  If she has, then she is doing a stellar job of hiding them, but nevertheless these same observers will insist that they are there. 

Those who have suggested that have been there and done this. There really isn't a possibility that as a non English speaker living in the US she isn't having adjustment problems. She is. 

As others have said, getting her into English classes and driving should be your highest priority right now.


Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

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Offline Ade

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #31 on: January 02, 2013, 02:00:55 AM »
Appreciate the response so far both here and on another board.  If I find something helpful, then fine, and if I think it does not apply in my case, then I just set it aside.  That’s fine also.  Now I feel much better prepared for when I give her the news. 
I know that many think (fervently) that she is having “adjustment” problems.  If she has, then she is doing a stellar job of hiding them, but nevertheless these same observers will insist that they are there.  That’s okay also.  They do not know her but it’s a reasonable opinion.
I used the term “one-way ticket” which has been taken negatively.  I suppose the negative aspect may have been intended by those who used this term (in my private emails).  Maybe better that here I just say ticket, but I am used to buying one-way tickets these days as a matter of course, unless there is reason to do otherwise.  I find one ways more convenient and even cheaper in my case as they give me flexibility.  Formerly one ways were more expensive or two ways required for entry but not these days where I go.  To me, one way means no return is decided.  I only buy discount tickets.

Seriously? 2 months married and you're looking into divorce options?

If you have any self-respect and human decency, step back, read up on culture shock and commit yourself to helping this woman adjust. How self centered uncaring are you?

It's not often that there's a consensus on such topics like this here, and that should tell you something.

Offline skuakidd

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #32 on: January 02, 2013, 02:46:14 AM »
I am not new on boards and I realize as many of us have that there are those who write offensively, flame others, and make didactic statements.  Amazing how some people do so towards those whom they know little about and who are in situations they know even less about.  All of us experience only a slice of life but some of us apply that slice to the whole.   A problem this presents is that those who have views relatively in the minority are less likely to express them.  Not that pointing all this out is likely to do any good, it's digressive, but once again I would like to express my appreciation for those who have endeavored to be constructive.

Online AvHdB

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #33 on: January 02, 2013, 05:13:30 AM »
Arizona Kid,

As perhaps you understand some of see a situation with different glasses and the tact is often lacking on how to express these personal visions. Not withstanding this sound advice has been given, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

It would be good if you reached out to a third party, perhaps Krassie or Mendy who live in your region. As well as line up legal consul. They are wise and both have maturity and expierence in cross cultural relationships.

You indicate before you spoke advance Russian and spent time with her Miss future Arizona at her home. My curiosity is piqued how was the communication? Especially when words failed either of you.

AvHdB
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Offline mobyone

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #34 on: January 02, 2013, 05:18:56 AM »

Seriously? 2 months married and you're looking into divorce options?

If you have any self-respect and human decency, step back, read up on culture shock and commit yourself to helping this woman adjust. How self centered uncaring are you?

It's not often that there's a consensus on such topics like this here, and that should tell you something.

Ade, 'consensus' ?

I have questioned Manny's contention that a woman in her fifties can't be a scammer.. if she was after a GC then she is pulling all the stunts - complete change in character, etc.,



Offline Ade

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #35 on: January 02, 2013, 05:35:47 AM »
Arizona Kid,

As perhaps you understand some of see a situation with different glasses and the tact is often lacking on how to express these personal visions. Not withstanding this sound advice has been given, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Some people don't deserve the effort that "tact" involves.

Offline Ade

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #36 on: January 02, 2013, 05:39:30 AM »

Seriously? 2 months married and you're looking into divorce options?

If you have any self-respect and human decency, step back, read up on culture shock and commit yourself to helping this woman adjust. How self centered uncaring are you?

It's not often that there's a consensus on such topics like this here, and that should tell you something.

Ade, 'consensus' ?

I have questioned Manny's contention that a woman in her fifties can't be a scammer.. if she was after a GC then she is pulling all the stunts - complete change in character, etc.,

The majority seem to think similarly here, hence, consensus.

You can nit pick with Manny about the age cutoff to the scammers union if you wish but I think the odds are good that a 50+ year old woman with no English and no family/friends in the US is not a GC girl. The odds are far better that she's just insecure and going through culture shock with a guy that's about as understanding as a bag of bricks.

Online AvHdB

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #37 on: January 02, 2013, 06:08:08 AM »
It would be good if you reached out to a third party, perhaps Krassie or Mendy who live in your region. As well as line up legal consul.

AK (ArizonaKid) I want to explain something a bit better, easy enough to do for me!

You have brought this woman here and I think you should explain better why she is discontent. Are you to frugal for her taste? I have an assumption that she does not know your financial situation fully, hence the "snooping".

Do not forget you took an expensieve trip to the 50th state. Did this "set" an expectation on her part?

Av
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Offline Danchik

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #38 on: January 02, 2013, 06:12:35 AM »
I have known other RW/UW and saw warning signs.  Not this time.
Seems you missed this one.

She age 52, never before married, and no children.
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Online andrewfi

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #39 on: January 02, 2013, 06:26:42 AM »
One thing to bear in mind: 'culture shock' is not just about moving country. It is as the name suggests about reaction to a change in culture (living patterns)

Skuakid, your wife is probably not the only one who is undergoing stress from her new living conditions. I'd bet that you too are doing so as well.

Whatever might be the case about your wife's ongoing intentions she will be undergoing, to a greater or lesser degree, stress from the changes to her life. That stress will be leading to changes in her reactions and emotions. Your task is to sort out what is what.

BUT

At the same time you are going through similar stresses and so you too need to examine your thoughts, emotions and reactions. The people reading these posts have been through and seen this stuff. We see that what you are taking exception to is, on the whole, pretty normal behaviour. She could be the devil incarnate, but the chances are that she is not. More likely the two of you are having problems sorting out your new lives, your roles and your own place within the new structure.

And yeah, Danchik makes a good point. A person in his/her 50's and settling down to live with another person for the first time is unusual. There will be reasons for it and for sure it will be harder for her to settle down to a shared life than for a person with some life practice. Not saying it makes her evil but there is an additional challenge for you both to face and manage.
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Offline HoosierDaddy

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #40 on: January 02, 2013, 08:27:29 AM »
Patience sir...patience!!  You said it yourself that you still get along fairly well....atleast at times.  She doesn't speak English and doesn't drive (& 52/never married) so of course she's overly needy which breeds insecurity as well.  It was your decision to bring her here....thats like moving to Arizona and then complaining because its hot.  Take her to Vegas for a weekend and see if that helps.

Offline Muzh_1

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #41 on: January 02, 2013, 09:48:27 AM »
I realize that many will for whatever reasons side with the UW/RW regardless of circumstances, much of which I have no opportunity to present here.  The real issue is why she is with me.  If for the wrong reason, then I have every right to correction the situation.  I am seeking advice that I find helpful before I manage to locate sound legal advice from a professional.

Boy, this is sad.

I read all your posts and can only say this: Divorce her and move on.

Spare her the suffering.

Also, this is not intended as a flame. It seems that you bargained for something like a submissive home maker and she turned out to be a very independent person. Shit like this happens all the time. However, and based on both your advance ages, it is too late to change as some here have hinted you to do.

Sit down with her and be honest. Please explain to her you made a mistake and she is not what you really wanted.

Regarding the 50% partition of wealth, I doubt very much that any judge in the US will handle her 50% of your assets based on a 3 month old marriage. Here in the very liberal state of NY, a friend of mine was married to a UW for 7 years and got divorced. She got some of his assets based on the time spent together. I believe the magical time to be together that she will rip his wealth through his testicles is 10 years.

Offline mobyone

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #42 on: January 02, 2013, 10:05:35 AM »

The majority seem to think similarly here, hence, consensus.

'Consensus' is not a valid reason to conclude - unless it is a jury avowed of all info..

I advised the OP to seek legal advice and not to post until - the matter was settled..   

You can nit pick with Manny about the age cutoff to the scammers union if you wish but I think the odds are good that a 50+ year old woman with no English and no family/friends in the US is not a GC girl. The odds are far better that she's just insecure and going through culture shock with a guy that's about as understanding as a bag of bricks.

The latter is your 'judgement call' based on scant evidence and the former makes no allowance for her apparent change of character.

Many of us have seen home-sick new partners ....We shouldn't hypothesize - just offer the OP advice - I am sure the lady can read Russian lang forums giving her advice...

I've seen how members can twist a marriage break down.. even when the poster accepts - their actions - or lack of 'em - were responsible..

By my responding I simply add to the #feeding frenzy'..

to yhr OP : get legal advice and do as I say - don't feed the resident trolls

Ade, I'm sorry - but your last sentence - you MIGHT be right - but can you be sure..?

There are too many 'verdicts by consensus' and simply not enough facts on here - too often.

Offline skuakidd

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #43 on: January 02, 2013, 11:46:04 AM »
I was asked about my fluency in Russian.  I am fully fluent in written Russian.  Speech is not what I would call advanced, since I have far less experience in speaking.  However, we speak to each other as normal on everyday matters.   I will say however that ones perception of things can to be very different for those with foreign language understanding.  However, fluency can be very difficult to determine.  There are those who are seemingly very fluent but misunderstand much of what is going on, and those with little confidence but perceive things much better.  Part of this is that communication involves much more than words.
I notice that some people here make extreme statements about all people this or such and such is necessarily the case.  The world is hardly so simple.  There are certain matters about my case which I cannot very well go into.  I seek helpful advice and have gotten that from a few individuals.  I can also contribute on this board in the future relative to my particular background and some contributions must be private where certain sensitivities may be breached.  Some of my most helpful advice has been private for the same reason.

Offline bagalia

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #44 on: January 02, 2013, 12:30:47 PM »
Nobody can give an accurate answer from two paragraphs of information. Even though CS fits, it could also be effects from a thyroid problem, she is not what you thought she was or you just got scammed. For sure it is a sad story.
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Offline skuakidd

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #45 on: January 02, 2013, 02:00:01 PM »
Sit down with her and be honest. Please explain to her you made a mistake and she is not what you really wanted.+

This is precisely what I figure on doing, and some of the advice here has been helpful on how I go about doing this.  I am optimistic but need to be prepared for however it develops.  I made a mistake and intend to correct it if at all possible in a way good for her.  Even if she has been with me for the wrong reason, I don’t see why I should not do my best to make things easy for her.  I am not new at this.  I have been with a number of RW/UWs, got along well with honest and dishonest, but in the case of the one I took up with this seriously I slipped. 

Some people who are prone to adjustment problems will see adjustment problems in everyone.  I was first in a non-English speaking European country (Russia) in the dead of winter over 10 years ago.  I was yet to speak a word of Russian.  Stayed in a college dormitory with 13 doors and 2 guard posts between me and the street.  After numerous stays in Russia I stayed in a top-floor high-rise apartment with Miss G. in a northwest Moscow suburb.  Fascinated the entire time.  Despite non-Slavic features, people would speak Russian to me on the street.  At one point I invited Miss G. to the U.S.  First time far from home and close to 50.  Outgoing and except for her broken English you would think she lived here her whole life.  Came, no luggage other than a shopping bag.  While here we went on a 29-day camping trip.  Slept in my van.  Wood fires.  Had a great time and nary a bad word.  She was certainly not with me for the wrong reason.  In fact she was much better off than me.  Adjustment problem?  No.

Well, I made a mistake.  Happens.  Get flamed.  Happens.  That's life.

To a certain someone.  I would rather not go into who knows more than who.  We each have our own background, experiences, and opinions.

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #46 on: January 02, 2013, 02:35:49 PM »
I would rather not go into who knows more than who.  We each have our own background, experiences, and opinions.

Very true!

NB: I am NOT that person referred to so no PM's
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Offline TomT

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #47 on: January 02, 2013, 03:19:21 PM »
This has been sticking in my craw:

I have already spent thousands on her, and for all I know she may think our legal system will force me to cough up thousands more.

Had you written "hundreds of thousands," I might have raised an eyebrow. If you had spent "tens of thousands," I would have considered it to be typical. Yet, you wrote: "thousands." Was this just a case of imprecise writing or do you really think that thousands are a big deal?


Issue #2:

In my case I foresee a trainwreck, but it has not happened yet.  There will be a trainwreck only if she is really with me for the wrong reasons, and I will find that out shortly.
By the way scammers can be any age, and I am hardly new at this. 


How will you know if she is really with you for the wrong reasons? In spite of your experience, you already misread the situation completely. How can you be certain that you won't misread it again? (Deliberately pissing her off to produce the desired defensive response doesn't count.)

Offline HoosierDaddy

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #48 on: January 02, 2013, 05:20:01 PM »
There are certain matters about my case which I cannot very well go into.

We can only go by what information you give us.  Bottom line.....most of us are guys that aren't afraid to take calculated risks which puts us in somewhat of a rare club in my book.  I wish you the best but I feel for her at the same time.

Offline ozybob

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Re: My Sad Story - Advice Needed
« Reply #49 on: January 02, 2013, 05:53:18 PM »
skuakidd

you have recieved plenty of good advice here already , but it seems you have already decided  your course of action , only you can know , we can only offer our perspective on what we can glean from your info given to us

so here is mine  tiphat

im also in the camp thats says you are jumping the gun here ,
do you love this woman ??
do you want to make this marriage successfull ?

it seems you are too quick to dismiss any other possibilitys , other than she must have some hidden agenda when she married you ,

culture shock can manifest in many ways , ways she will not even understand or be aware of ,even deny exist    she may exhibit  many facets of change you didnt expect or forsee in her behavoiur , way over the top than normal , any small action on you part may be misconstrued , , especially if your spoken russian is weak and her english is non existent

this may seem to be a non event for you , but actually living in a country , compared to a longer vacation has a different impact on the mind set of a person , on holiday , you know you will be going home , you know you dont need to change yourself to much to accept all these new and strange differences in how you must now live , IT IS A HUGE THING YOU HAVE ASKED HER TO DO ...!!!!!! it seems she willingly moved to marry you ,

what you now need to do is just STOP SOWING NEGATIVE VIBES WITH HER !!  if you really want any chance to keep the marriage ,
be the man she married , PATIENCE , PATIENCE , AND EVEN MORE BLOODY PATIENCE . it is way too soon to be calling time on this , she needs anything up to several years to adjust given her age and her starting point with english etc ,

what where you thinking ??  that she would adjust in a few weeks or maybe 6 months ??  change is a big thing , support her , be totally open , if you love her ?? support her , let her see you can be trusted , this is a big key you need to get your head around , she will be feeling highly sensitive and vulnerable , you need to understand that ,

be her rock , she will probably be very needing /demanding , sometimes stubborn , irrational , moody , and just shut you out , suck it up !!! stick to your agreed plan , and dont enagage in any disagreements , keep your own temper in check , dont threaten anything to her , or talk about sending her home , dont question her intelligence , etc , it will be toxic to do so to your relationship ,

what you write about and describe is not unusual in varying degrees of manifestation depending on the individual , has your wife traveled before ??at all ?or extensivly ?

she had her life in complete order in her home city/country ,she was her own boss , made her own decisions , quite successfully all her life , to now have at 50+ be made to feel like a nanunya , re learning how to live and share with you is going to take time !!  expect it , roll with it , she now must place her entire life in your hands and trust you !!!  understand and respect how that will make her feel !!

you know your country , city /life, she will have to learn it for herself, good advice to keep her away from other russians/ukraines, until your marriage has more trust and better communication , they will only taint the waters badly ime with her , sow more seeds of mistrust in her mind about everything . no matter what good reasons you can offer her


understand she wont follow or trust your advice always , often she will want to discover for herself , even when it is contray to your advice and you can see a mistake , be gentle with your opinion and how you deliver it , try to do so in a less lecturing way expect her to snoop as you put it , she wants to discover her home , as halo said she is a woman , she will want to know who has been before her , and where she fits into your heart and world now , expect her to be highly distrusting ,

you thought enough of her to bring her to america and marry her , dont give up so easily , stick and stay , make your efforts pay off for both of you , if you can manage it you will cement a bond with her like no other ,

at present you seem to think she owes you something because you chose to seek a life partner overseas , the costs of that where your choice, you bought into that deal , dont make her feel obigated to some sort of expectation you have based on the cost

you need to decide if you love this lady , if so , help her by committing 100% to her needs , put yours aside here for alittle while ,

you dont need to be a doormat, just be patient , understanding and dont expect too much progress to fast, it takes time , give  her the right love and care to feel free to express her true thoughts, as ill bet she has them and currently will keep them to herself , as she will be picking up on your negatives and trust will be an issue with you both , stop it before it becomes toxic completly

have you sat her down and had a deep and honest discussion ??  maybe apologised for a few of your misunderstandings with her ?? without any expectations of getting something  back ??or point scoring , it isnt needed to be right always , even if you are

 you might be amazed at how a simple bit of this , can go along way to getting  you both back on track

anyway , good luck ,
if you decide to continue with the legal front , im sure when she hears it will be the kiss of death to the marriage , just be fair and just with her after that point

bob

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


 

 

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