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Author Topic: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.  (Read 34475 times)

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Offline d672

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #25 on: December 15, 2013, 06:48:53 PM »
I believe that what shycat wrote above, makes a lot of sense. Could be even a good start for a great manual for the international relations!  :party0031:


 There's some good points there Belle, but I'm not sure if I agree with points 2 and 4 below...


2. This is the most difficult one here> She needs to build first and foremost and bond with YOU not anyone else like her MOTHER BACK HOME or a NEW RUSSIAN Girlfriend here at YOUR HOME. Me I would NOT GET
a FSU women involved with your wife UNTIL you establish a strong bond with your new wife> It takes about
1-3 years.
3. I would get your closest FEMALE FAMILY MEMBER to show her the ropes here in the US > your aunt, your mother, your grandmother and here is where I give CAUTION>>>
4. I would sever the ties back to Ukraine or Russian as quick as you can> no contact with multiple trips back to Russian or the Ukraine or endless SKYPING!!! She has to make it here or she will go back. Support is good but she must find that support from YOU and YOUR FAMILY HERE not back THERE.


 To be honest I can't see my wife not making any fsu friends for 1-3 years here where I live, there are a lot of them immigrating to my area right now. She goes to English classes 4 evenings a week and sees fsu people every night she is there. Two girls have become close friends with her. Since she immigrated here last March we have already went to the lake with the one couple and we went to a barbecue this summer that a local church put together for newly immigrated fsu people to our area. I can't see myself telling her she can't associate with any of them, that would put a wedge between me and her, it would make her choose between me and them. In my opinion if your relationship is that fragile that having fsu friends will break you apart then maybe you shouldn't be together yet. And you want her to integrate into your culture.... not forget about hers that she has lived with all her life. That will never happen.



 And not constantly communicating with her family? She talks to her parents or sister or friends on skype or phone probably 3-4 times a week. If I start telling her she can't do that, that maybe she could only do it once or twice month I'm sure there would be a divorce! After all, would you do that if you were in her position? I definitely would run as fast as I could if someone told me I had to do that!



Offline BelleZeBoob

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #26 on: December 16, 2013, 07:09:59 AM »
  To be honest I can't see my wife not making any fsu friends for 1-3 years here where I live, there are a lot of them immigrating to my area right now. She goes to English classes 4 evenings a week and sees fsu people every night she is there. Two girls have become close friends with her. Since she immigrated here last March we have already went to the lake with the one couple and we went to a barbecue this summer that a local church put together for newly immigrated fsu people to our area. I can't see myself telling her she can't associate with any of them, that would put a wedge between me and her, it would make her choose between me and them. In my opinion if your relationship is that fragile that having fsu friends will break you apart then maybe you shouldn't be together yet. And you want her to integrate into your culture.... not forget about hers that she has lived with all her life. That will never happen.



 And not constantly communicating with her family? She talks to her parents or sister or friends on skype or phone probably 3-4 times a week. If I start telling her she can't do that, that maybe she could only do it once or twice month I'm sure there would be a divorce! After all, would you do that if you were in her position? I definitely would run as fast as I could if someone told me I had to do that!

On the # 2, I am totally with shycat, however, this is my very personal preference, and I don't see many people agree with me on that.

Yes I have been living all my life in the FSU, but that's exactly the point why I don't want to get back to it any more. I learned a lot of things that are absolutely unheard of in the West. Now I want to learn, feel and live the Western things. Knowing both, I feel that I could be of a great source of interesting things for anyone. And for my Western partner, of course.  :nod:

In my opinion, the # 4 of shycat would be connected to the # 2, in particular. He is not telling to forget about everything that used to be dear to the woman.  The idea is to keep communication with back home to a minimum, and to develop the integration and assimilation with the new environment to a maximum. 
Men are like Bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like Wi-Fi: she sees all available devices, but connects to the strongest one.

Offline shycat

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2013, 08:31:46 AM »
Folks

I have been here done this for over 15 years. And I have many US men as friends in my city that have MADE
THE MISTAKEs I have tried to avoid.

Read what I posted carefully because along with it come 15yrs of experience much like MANNYs and some
of the other OLD TIMERS here. I was running around Russia in 1996, 1997.

And I have seen 2 divorces and 2 other broken marriages because the man was not careful, diligent
with is Russian Women's feelings. You mess with a RWs emotional feelings they will feel betrayed
you can believe me on this. And it can take a long time to recover if ever. However the initial BOND between
you and a Russian Women is CRITICAL. If she is taking English lessons 4 nights a week GEEEZZZ it is
Ok for a definite Period but the first 6 months it is very important to build the base relationship. If you do not your relationship may not work out long term.

And if you are lucky to find a beautiful Russian Women and bring her here and there is a BIG AGE DIFFERENCE and she is out 4 nights a week. Are you crazy!!!!  Men here in my city would be hitting on
her IMMEDIATELY. 

SHYCAT


Offline ECR844

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2013, 08:46:54 AM »
In Dec 2004, the move from Kazakhstan (with10-y/o stepson) caused a big problem not listed in detail from other posts:  :plane:.  As mentioned by others, the bigest transition was the language issue (mentioned by others), but the less mentioned second transition "issue" was the fact that they were pulled out of a FSU "City" environment and placed in a US "Suburban" environment.  In the FSU city environment, everyone has access to public transportation, where in the USA Suburban environment, there is little or no access to public transportation.  Since She could not drive an auto for about 6 months, this was like a prison while I was away at work during the day.

Keep this in mind when planning a transition
This is a good point, Blast. Now days many more FSU women own cars and know how to drive, but if they don't, taking driving lessons in the FSU while waiting for the visa might be a good idea. They can get an international driver license in Russia which will allow them to drive in the US as soon as they arrive. If they don't get the international license knowing how to drive will help them take and pass the test for the US license much quicker. I believe they offer the written test in many languages, Russian included.
So an FSU woman could become mobile a lot sooner than 6 months by taking these steps, and take some of the transition stress off. Feeling/being trapped in the house in the US suburbia can be a hard thing to deal with for a woman.

Good to know.  I was not aware that a Russian International license would be valid here.  Tanya has her own car and is an excellent driver (according to her :) ) so that would be one big hurdle overcome in the early stages.  English signs would pose a problem though, so some driving her around to show her the way around would be a must...but then again, anyone moving to a new city would experience this to a degree.

In Dec 2004, the move from Kazakhstan (with10-y/o stepson) caused a big problem not listed in detail from other posts:  :plane:.  As mentioned by others, the bigest transition was the language issue (mentioned by others), but the less mentioned second transition "issue" was the fact that they were pulled out of a FSU "City" environment and placed in a US "Suburban" environment.  In the FSU city environment, everyone has access to public transportation, where in the USA Suburban environment, there is little or no access to public transportation.  Since She could not drive an auto for about 6 months, this was like a prison while I was away at work during the day.

Keep this in mind when planning a transition
This is a good point, Blast. Now days many more FSU women own cars and know how to drive, but if they don't, taking driving lessons in the FSU while waiting for the visa might be a good idea. They can get an international driver license in Russia which will allow them to drive in the US as soon as they arrive. If they don't get the international license knowing how to drive will help them take and pass the test for the US license much quicker. I believe they offer the written test in many languages, Russian included.
So an FSU woman could become mobile a lot sooner than 6 months by taking these steps, and take some of the transition stress off. Feeling/being trapped in the house in the US suburbia can be a hard thing to deal with for a woman.

Good to know.  I was not aware that a Russian International license would be valid here.  Tanya has her own car and is an excellent driver (according to her :) ) so that would be one big hurdle overcome in the early stages.  English signs would pose a problem though, so some driving her around to show her the way around would be a must...but then again, anyone moving to a new city would experience this to a degree.

It depends on the state. It would do you good to research the DMV laws pertaining to Intl drivers permits in your locality. Lest something untoward happen and she winds up in the clink for driving without a valid licence and or other infractions.

Offline Skoob

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #29 on: January 22, 2014, 02:08:24 PM »
I've seen several websites suggest that all states recognize foreign drivers licenses. I know the US government has an agreement with many countries to honor them for 12 months after arriving in the US. I've also read they can't be used as a form of ID and must be accompanied with a valid passport.

Does anyone know of a state that does not accept them?

Offline Manny

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Re: Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2014, 04:36:58 PM »
I've seen several websites suggest that all states recognize foreign drivers licenses. I know the US government has an agreement with many countries to honor them for 12 months after arriving in the US. I've also read they can't be used as a form of ID and must be accompanied with a valid passport.

Does anyone know of a state that does not accept them?

Start here: http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=831.0
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Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.


 

 

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