Well, it seems that i have bitten off so much more then i can chew, that i am gagging with the tears.
Simply put.
im going to write this sort of in a frenzy so that you can get a feel for my emotional state.
i dont care about syntax errors or spelling.
I want you to read and listen to a man that is at the end of his rope regarding this girl i recently married.
this will all sound very emotionally upset, and that is what i am for about 5 weeks now.
Im not sleeping, i cant stop my mind from twisting, and i am just so unhappy.
so, i came here to write to anyone here that might can give me some advice, coz i am freaked out.
Im an american she is :......
I met online 5 years ago, a girl who is a Ukranian/Russian/Jew who lived in The Crimea.
We fell in love online, and had what i thought was a very good relationship.
We took it slow, we stayed online for probably thousands of hours.
I thought we were a perfect fit, then i left the USA, and flew to Israel where she lives with her parents.
She is 33 and im a decade older.
We both are musicians, both are smart, both are easy going, friendly.
And i cant stand her.
And i think the feeling is mutual.
We have been married for about 7 weeks, and OMG, its been a war from the start.
Problems..
the first and the worst is the fact that this girl does not want to be around me much.
Its as if she has to make a special effort to come home from work and even come to our room and see me.
On her off days, i have discovered that she would prefer to be in her room, on the PC or playing the piano.
I feel like im a roomate, and not a husband.
At first, the first 2 weeks after i came here, she was so attentive.
Fixed my meals, ...took me to the store almost every day after work so that i could have food, as there is little here most of the time.
Then, like a light switch went off, she one night sort of said........(we had been staying in a small room waiting for some people who were renting the big room that is now mine to leave).
About 4 days after i am here, one night she just tells me she prefers to be in her room at night.
Following this, it was every night.
Following this, it became the issue of "i need time to read"..."i need time by myself".
So, i didnt adjust to this well, as i had no idea she would just sort of unplug from me.
Now, we fight like wild animals constantly as she feels all i do is complain.
And my complaining is simply that i want a WIFE, who is around.
She does all she can to not do this for me.
And our sex life?
well, the first week, it was pretty good.
I had to adjust to the fact that she is not really very active in bed.
as of this day.......Oct 4th, we have been married for 7 weeks, and we have made love 20 times.
20.
So, i mentioned that this is not a lot for a newly married couple, and now this is a constant fight.
So, following the first week of fairly passionate lovemaking, our lovemaking has become what she actually told me is "marriage sex".
She defined it as........"Im tired, and so, that is what it will be".
Which means, that she lays there sort of like dead wood while i kiss and hold and try to get her involved, then she just grabs her ankles as we "merge" and she just lays still holding her legs wide for me till im through.
Then after this, if i try to kiss or cuddle, she will do it for about 2 mins max, and usually sort of pull away.
She tells me this is all she can do, coz she has "no mood" because of all the arguing.
It seems that she keeps in her head all that i say that angers her, which is mostly.....that she never seems to want to be with me when she is home, and she is so against sleeping with me at night in the same bed, but she does it.
She hates it.
Hates it.
We have had sex once in 13 days.
IT was good for me, but for her i think she was bored.
Ive noticed that when she gives me oral sex, and yes this has been 6 times in 7 weeks, she has a technique similar to hookers.
She just bobs fast, back and forth, with no real sense of enjoying what she is doing.
Just, get it to come asap.
Then of course she has pushed my sperm all over me, coz she wont keep it in her mouth even to spit.
Sorry to be so graphic, but im telling you i am about crazy.
I feel like ive married something from the land of "no love and affection".
And kissing?
she tells me she likes it as long as she does not have to do it a long time.
And kissing after sex, .....forget it.
And kissing me when she comes home from work.
She will do it if i sort of force her to do it.
Lately we have moments in bed when i think she wants to be with me, but then i'll try to start some touching and this is accepted for a few mins then she pulls away.
Recently she told me that i need to ask her, so that she understands the "moment", but this was not required the first week we were married.
But after 7 weeks, i cant every understand the signs with her.
As a matter of fact, she just came in here in a very sexy nightgown, and was laying on the bed, and i asked her softly if she wanted to let me touch her.
She said nothing.
So, i waited a bit, then asked her again.
She said she was "thinking".
Following this, i pointed out that i was doing what she asked, that i was asking.
This led to her telling me i was arguing again.
This led to me being told that all i do is argue.
I pointed out that i had never seen her in this beautiful and sex gown, and so, as she came in with it, what was i to think.
Once again i was told im arguing, ect.
I think , truly, that she wanted to be in another room tonight to sleep, so, she baited me with the gown, which would lead to my frustration and then she could use it against me.
Keep in mind that i was just told 2 days ago, that i needed to "ask" about intimacy so that she understood what i wanted.
So, i asked, ...she was in the new gown.......and what did she do?
She lay there, against the pillow, looking at the wall, and said nothing.
Nothing.
2 mins.
so, following this, i begin to ask, which led to the argument.
Currently she is in another room.
So, i guess it worked.
So, is she kind to me?
yes.
but just dont ask her to kiss me, or hug me, or sleep with me, or make love with me for the last 4 weeks of our 7 weeks of marriage.
This part has sort of died.
But does she worry about me?
She does if she focuses on it.
Some days, i can tell she is truly all mine, to a point.
That is unless i do something like ask her a question about something that she would rather not discuss.
Following this, game over for a few days.
These few days have now lasted about a month.
Other things that i cant discuss with her, would include her past boyfriends, especially the one she was living with before she met me.
I wish he had married her so that i could be spared this hell.
For example.
Im not working in Israel, as im not even a resident yet.
So, im stuck in the apartment all day, no car.
Pulling hair out.
She comes home today, and immediately starts cooking this pie that she wanted to try again because she ruined the last one.
This was right after she ate her 3:30pm meal.
So, i went in the kitchen with her as soon as she arrived, and helped her carry in some food she bought.
Then she sat at the table and i got my food and went to our big bedroom where she sleeps part time.
I waited waited.
Eventually, about 40 mins passed and i go to the kitchen and there she is cooking the pie.
Keep in mind, i have no kiss, no hug, no how are you .
All i got was to help her with the food.
She knows i sit all day here.
So, i go in the kitchen and say, "well thanks for coming to see me for a few mins".
she tells me........."i say you when you came in here for the food".
So, can you feel the love?
Tonight she told me she wants to take classes to learn to cut hair.
So this means she'll work her job, then be gone at night.
Can you feel the love?
I can.
This girl is doing all she can to make sure we are hardly in the same room.
I guess it was my arguing about the fact that she didnt want to be in the same room with me.
I did get pretty angry about the fact that she has been doing this.
Probably better had i just stayed alone till she decided to come in for a visit on occasion.
However, as i flew 5,000 miles to marry this girl, i felt that i was due some actual marriage RELATIONSHIP.
The other thing i did wrong?
Well, i pointed out that she had very frequent sex with her last boyfriend and she had very infrequent sex with her husband, me.
Since then, we have argued also about this a lot.
Now our sex is infrequent.
However, i felt that if she married me, then i should at least have equal time in bed as compared to the last one.
Seems my argument has only caused her to dislike me based on my argument.
Maybe this is where the entire relationship went to hell.
All i know, is that she is happily in the other room right now for the night.
After she would not tell me if we were going to make love, as required by her to be asked, and as i was told all i do is argue after i told her that any man seeing her in that sexy gown would think she was asking for his passion........well, she certainly teased me right into a fight.
Maybe im just to stupid to deal with this mind
ing girl.
Or maybe she is enjoying the fact that i want her, and uses no sex as a weapon to harm me, so that in this way she pays me back for my complaining.
The thing is, i dont even want to have sex with her.
I had no real desire to do it, but i was mostly trying out this new idea of hers about asking, and then i watched her become filled with hatred.
She literally was hating me as she felt i was wanting her and she was denying me.
She was sitting there after i asked her, knowing i would.......then had no response as this she know would irritate me, as this was what she told me to do.
So i do it, then she ignores me, then after i point out what is what, she then accused me of "arguing" again so that she could use THIS as the reason for why we had no intimacy which then led to a fight and then to her sleeping in another room.
So, she played me again, i think, like a violin with one string.
so, how many here, think i need to go back to the USA before im even more freaked out at what is happening to me?
any advice?
thanx for reading.
s_w