The World's #1 Russian, Ukrainian & Eastern European Discussion & Information Forum - RUA!

This Is the Premier Discussion Forum on the Net for Information and Discussion about Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe and the Former Soviet Union. Discuss Culture, Politics, Travelling, Language, International Relationships and More. Chat with Travellers, Locals, Residents and Expats. Ask and Answer Questions about Travel, Culture, Relationships, Applying for Visas, Translators, Interpreters, and More. Give Advice, Read Trip Reports, Share Experiences and Make Friends.

Author Topic: ...and then reality sets in.  (Read 15899 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
...and then reality sets in.
« on: May 02, 2011, 05:02:20 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to write what just happened between my and Ali. We have been skyping pretty much everyday since I returned from my trip to Odessa. Things have been going well, I thought. Tonight she seemed upset so I asked her and she said that her Mother in Italy is having problems. I asked her what was happening she said that her Mom was having financial problems and needed 1000 euros. She asked me to send it. After I picked up my jaw and told her that that was a lot of money and if I had it easily available I would. She then proceeds to try to manipulate me into doing it. >:( The whole if you love me and want a future, etc... She then hung up on me. I am not sure how I should be taking this. Is she a scam artist? Have I been an old fool? My feel like crap.

Any words of wisdom for me from the veterans here?

Thanks,
Lee

Offline erudite

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 941
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Kharkov is a GREAT CITY!!!!!!
  • Spouses Country: UKRAINE
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2011, 05:06:38 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to write what just happened between my and Ali. We have been skyping pretty much everyday since I returned from my trip to Odessa. Things have been going well, I thought. Tonight she seemed upset so I asked her and she said that her Mother in Italy is having problems. I asked her what was happening she said that her Mom was having financial problems and needed 1000 euros. She asked me to send it. After I picked up my jaw and told her that that was a lot of money and if I had it easily available I would. She then proceeds to try to manipulate me into doing it. >:( The whole if you love me and want a future, etc... She then hung up on me. I am not sure how I should be taking this. Is she a scam artist? Have I been an old fool? My feel like crap.

Any words of wisdom for me from the veterans here?

Thanks,
Lee

It does not smell good, but you'd "better check that steak before you throw it on the grill".  Personally since your realtionship is fairly new, I probably wouldn't do it, especially since she hung up on me.

If she is real she will get over her little hussy fit, but you need to stay on your toes.
"It don't matter who's in Austin, Bob Wills is still the King", Waylon Jennings

Offline Hrafn

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
  • Country: us
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2011, 05:08:11 PM »
Bummer, man...

Not a veteran by any means, but to me it suggest either a) She's a scammer. or b) She thinks that you've committed to her (aka going to marry her), and that means committing to her family. It's irrational for her to be upset about you not just out of the blue dropping 1000 euro, but when are people rational.

Knowing just those details I'd be more inclined to go with option a, but it's hard to know for sure without a lot more info/actually being in that relationship. Certainly odd behavior that should raise some red flags at least. Especially when you said manipulate. How precisely did she attempt that?

Good luck.  :snivel:


Offline JeanClaude

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4274
  • Country: ch
  • Spouses Country: Several girls, not all at the same time
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 20+
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2011, 05:14:25 PM »
Did you have sex with her already?

I think not, scammers dont get intimate first, they dont do the effort! they play a numbers game!
a day not trolled is a day not lived

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2011, 05:17:37 PM »
Did you have sex with her already?

I think not, scammers dont get intimate first, they dont do the effort! they play a numbers game!

We have been intimate. Not that I like talking about that.  :-X

Offline Paul

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4141
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2011, 05:51:21 PM »
HoundDaddyLee, were there no signs at all that she would do something like this? Did she ask for things without hesitation, care if you were being overcharged for anything, etc.?

From what you have written, it seems that she is trying to take advantage of you,.. but then again, it would really suck if you were her last resort in dealing with a real problem and things end over a misunderstanding.

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2011, 06:05:21 PM »
HoundDaddyLee, were there no signs at all that she would do something like this? Did she ask for things without hesitation, care if you were being overcharged for anything, etc.?

From what you have written, it seems that she is trying to take advantage of you,.. but then again, it would really suck if you were her last resort in dealing with a real problem and things end over a misunderstanding.

Paul,

She has never acting in any way that would lead me to think she was using me. But the tantrum is really bothering me. She said during our skype session tonight that I have so much more that her and I should be willing to do this. That was a statement that sent alarm bells going off. I have not let her think I am "rich" at all. I make a very good living but I am not rich, nor am I willing to piss away $1300+ because I am feel guity. The more I think about it the more angry I am getting. Or frustrated. Not sure which.

Lee

Offline Paul

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4141
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2011, 06:23:17 PM »
She said during our skype session tonight that I have so much more that her and I should be willing to do this.

Those don't seem like the words that would come from someone who was worried about a real problem,.. and hanging up on you is not an action of someone dealing with a real problem.

Go with your gut feeling, Lee.

Offline Donhollio

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6193
  • Country: 00
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2011, 06:28:32 PM »
nor am I willing to piss away $1300+ because I am feel guity. The more I think about it the more angry I am getting. Or frustrated. Not sure which.

Lee

 I'd go with the angry mood.  HDL, this isn't a good sign IMV at all. Her mom may very well have problems, but for your girl to put on such a show and make guilt the driving force of trying to open your wallet, is very telling of future behaviour.  She drops the euro bomb,and hangs up, leaving you to sweat it out, hoping the guilt will make you run to western union ASAP.
 It's manipulation my friend and that will not fade away as the months wear on. Do you really want this girl to pull this shit on you if she were stateside? If shes doing it this early on I have little doubt she won't keep at it, after all, once it works there will be no reason to stop.
 Tell her you can pay her moms utilitys from your home, and all you need is some info where to send the transfer. Offer to help pay her moms way out without the mom or her getting their hands on the money, and see what happens.

Offline patman67

  • Member
  • Posts: 141
  • Gender: Male
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2011, 06:33:50 PM »
Run, Forrest, run!

Think this through...how many people in your life would you just throw that kind of cash to? Your parents? No question. Siblings? Maybe. Best buddies? Another maybe. Chick you picked up at a bar, been on a few dates with, nailed a time or two? Not in a million years! So why is this any different?

Just my two cents...

Offline Manny

  • Moderator
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19719
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2011, 06:36:50 PM »
I'd go with the angry mood.  HDL, this isn't a good sign IMV at all. Her mom may very well have problems, but for your girl to put on such a show and make guilt the driving force of trying to open your wallet, is very telling of future behaviour.  She drops the euro bomb,and hangs up, leaving you to sweat it out, hoping the guilt will make you run to western union ASAP.
 It's manipulation my friend and that will not fade away as the months wear on. Do you really want this girl to pull this shit on you if she were stateside? If shes doing it this early on I have little doubt she won't keep at it, after all, once it works there will be no reason to stop.

What Don said.

Next time it will be 3000 Euros for sick Granny or evicted sister or car accident or dreadful disease, etc.

I know I'll get jumped on for saying this, but wise up guys........ Odessa again! You will be hard pressed to find such a story about a woman in Russia on this site. Why oh why do you all flock there and act surprised when this happens?

Remind me the age gap here HDL?
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2011, 06:43:55 PM »
nor am I willing to piss away $1300+ because I am feel guity. The more I think about it the more angry I am getting. Or frustrated. Not sure which.

Lee

 I'd go with the angry mood.  HDL, this isn't a good sign IMV at all. Her mom may very well have problems, but for your girl to put on such a show and make guilt the driving force of trying to open your wallet, is very telling of future behaviour.  She drops the euro bomb,and hangs up, leaving you to sweat it out, hoping the guilt will make you run to western union ASAP.
 It's manipulation my friend and that will not fade away as the months wear on. Do you really want this girl to pull this shit on you if she were stateside? If shes doing it this early on I have little doubt she won't keep at it, after all, once it works there will be no reason to stop.
 Tell her you can pay her moms utilitys from your home, and all you need is some info where to send the transfer. Offer to help pay her moms way out without the mom or her getting their hands on the money, and see what happens.
Hi Don,

Thanks for your view. I think you are correct. If she is contacts me again, I will think about your suggestion on paying a bill directly. But there is no way in hell I am dumping that kind of cake for her mom. I find myself somewhat of a softie, but I have been used as a doormat enough my American women, I am not going to allow it to happen by someone 1/2 way around the world. I just hope this doesn't sour me on FSW in general. I enjoyed my time in Odessa and want to go back and also see other cities in FSU. But right now I have a major bad taste in my mouth.

Thanks for the help guys. It is appreciated.
Lee

Offline mcs

  • Member
  • Posts: 248
  • Country: 00
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2011, 06:45:51 PM »
Hey Dog!!

Sorry to hear things have gone south for you brother. Personally, if the same situation were happening between my Aly and me I would have to cut ties. I know it would be the hardest thing to do but like Don said, if she can ask such a thing now, I really cannot see things getting any better as your relationship moves along.

Smitty

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2011, 06:53:08 PM »
I'd go with the angry mood.  HDL, this isn't a good sign IMV at all. Her mom may very well have problems, but for your girl to put on such a show and make guilt the driving force of trying to open your wallet, is very telling of future behaviour.  She drops the euro bomb,and hangs up, leaving you to sweat it out, hoping the guilt will make you run to western union ASAP.
 It's manipulation my friend and that will not fade away as the months wear on. Do you really want this girl to pull this shit on you if she were stateside? If shes doing it this early on I have little doubt she won't keep at it, after all, once it works there will be no reason to stop.

What Don said.

Next time it will be 3000 Euros for sick Granny or evicted sister or car accident or dreadful disease, etc.

I know I'll get jumped on for saying this, but wise up guys........ Odessa again! You will be hard pressed to find such a story about a woman in Russia on this site. Why oh why do you all flock there and act surprised when this happens?

Remind me the age gap here HDL?

Hi Manny,

We have a 20 year age gap. Higher than I would have normally been looking for...

By the way I just finished your book last week and enjoyed it. I may move my search to smaller Ukrainian towns and Russia. Plus I will keep the age gap to 10 years or less, I think.

Thanks,
Lee

Offline Larry

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5853
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2011, 06:58:58 PM »
It doesnt look good.  Don's advice is excellent. 

But don't sour on all FSUW.  The scammers are in the minority.  there are so many who are genuine.

Offline Donhollio

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6193
  • Country: 00
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2011, 07:01:26 PM »
I just hope this doesn't sour me on FSW in general.
Lee

  It shouldn't. Even though things went very well on your first trip to her, and her friend helped you get better acquainted with this girl, things still happen as you have found out.  Anastasia agency girls living in Odessa are not always the best calibre. They have been exposed to many foreign men over the years either through agency's or just milling about in the cities centre. Trust me there are more sincere Odessa girls than dishonest ones.
  If you decide to search again, and I hope you do, try to contact girls that can carry on a conversation with better English. I know its not easy to find, but it makes life so much easier to develop a relationship. Of course you can always learn Russian, then the FSU is your oyster. 
  Try not to let Manny's words derail you, just be informed what happens in Odessa. Nevertheless I feel bad for whats happened.

Offline Hrafn

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
  • Country: us
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2011, 07:09:39 PM »
try to contact girls that can carry on a conversation with better English, I know its not easy to find, but it makes life so much easier to develop a relationship. Of course you can always learn Russian, then the FSU is your oyster.
Quoted for truth. Try to find one that's teaching English. Awesomeness. :D And I'll echo what Don said about learning Russian, too. If you learn even basic Russian your attractiveness level goes up exponentially in my experience.

Offline Donhollio

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6193
  • Country: 00
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #17 on: May 02, 2011, 07:15:47 PM »

Quote from: Hrafn
  And I'll echo what Don said about learning Russian, too. If you learn even basic Russian your attractiveness level goes up exponentially in my experience.

 That is so true, my very limited Russian always went over good on dates. Anna and her friends loved when I showed them what I learned in class that day. It may have been at a kindergargen level, but it made for some fun times!  :-*

Online 2tallbill

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 16559
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 10-20
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #18 on: May 02, 2011, 07:40:48 PM »

 Tell her you can pay her moms utilitys from your home, and all you need is some info where to send the transfer. Offer to help pay her moms way out without the mom or her getting their hands on the money, and see what happens.


Or say you have a close friend in Italy and you need the mothers address where he can go meet with her.

She will come up with 8000 reasons why the only way her mother can be helped is by sending the money to her.

Udachi

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline TomT

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 10884
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Trips: 10-20
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #19 on: May 02, 2011, 08:43:33 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to write what just happened between my and Ali. We have been skyping pretty much everyday since I returned from my trip to Odessa. Things have been going well, I thought. Tonight she seemed upset so I asked her and she said that her Mother in Italy is having problems. I asked her what was happening she said that her Mom was having financial problems and needed 1000 euros. She asked me to send it. After I picked up my jaw and told her that that was a lot of money and if I had it easily available I would. She then proceeds to try to manipulate me into doing it. >:( The whole if you love me and want a future, etc... She then hung up on me. I am not sure how I should be taking this. Is she a scam artist? Have I been an old fool? My feel like crap.

Any words of wisdom for me from the veterans here?

Thanks,
Lee

In light of already having visited this girl, the situation is a bit fuzzy. In truth, you do have far more resources than she does. There is no way to know (in advance) whether this is a manipulation tactic or a simple statement of fact with an implication that she is beginning to depend on you. Some important pieces of information are missing: how much does she fool around with Western men? Is she still active on her dating site?

Offline Ade

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1661
  • Country: no
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia/UK-Norway
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #20 on: May 02, 2011, 10:01:02 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to write what just happened between my and Ali. We have been skyping pretty much everyday since I returned from my trip to Odessa. Things have been going well, I thought. Tonight she seemed upset so I asked her and she said that her Mother in Italy is having problems. I asked her what was happening she said that her Mom was having financial problems and needed 1000 euros. She asked me to send it. After I picked up my jaw and told her that that was a lot of money and if I had it easily available I would. She then proceeds to try to manipulate me into doing it. >:( The whole if you love me and want a future, etc... She then hung up on me. I am not sure how I should be taking this. Is she a scam artist? Have I been an old fool? My feel like crap.

Any words of wisdom for me from the veterans here?

Thanks,
Lee

Any woman that will use your relationship like this for leverage in emotional blackmail is not worth pursuing. If she's like this now just imagine what she will be like later when she has a real hold on you...

And that's the best case scenario.

Offline Eduard

  • Commercial member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5641
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Skype: edthered90
    • realrussianmatch.com
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #21 on: May 02, 2011, 11:03:52 PM »
1. If you must look for a woman in Ukraine, stay away from mail order bride agencies!
2. stay away from mail order bride agencies! Most normal FSU women who are looking for a relationship will not specifically look for foreign men. Only a very minute percentage might make a conscious decision to look for a foreigner, but really very few.
3. Using somebody, taking advantage of them is a way of life in Ukraine. Although you can find "users" everywhere in the world I find that it is more prevalent in the culture of Ukraine than it is in other parts of the FSU. Remember Ali G's comment "my Ukrainian wife is so honest, she doesn't belong in Ukraine!". There is truth to that statement. I am speaking in general terms, off course, and I must mention that there are wonderful, honest people who live in Ukraine but IME they are harder to find than elsewhere in the FSU countries. You'd have a much better luck finding them if you just lived there for a while and interacted with regular people on a daily basis, away from the mail order bride scene. Your chances of finding good, honest, marriage minded women through mail order bride agencies are slim (but still possible if you invest enough time and money. Some men do find good women this way, although not many as far as I know).
If you still insist on searching for a woman in Ukraine getting away from the MOB agencies is the key IMHO. And if you decide to expand your search and look in Russia, your chances will improve dramatically. In my personal experience finding a great lady in Russia can be accomplished a lot quicker and less expensive in a long run since it won't take as many trips to Russia to find a good, honest, nice woman with good values. Again, I'll repeat: you CAN find a wonderful woman in Ukraine. I know some of them personally. But they are harder to find because there is a lot fewer of them and the competition for them is a lot stiffer...
Keep in mind that more than half of my family comes from Ukraine so although I was born in Russia I spent plenty of time in Ukraine and with people from both Russia and Ukraine since early childhood.
So I'm not prejudice, I'm convinced!

Offline JeanClaude

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4274
  • Country: ch
  • Spouses Country: Several girls, not all at the same time
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 20+
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #22 on: May 03, 2011, 12:56:57 AM »
Wait..you met this women through A-web?
 :dh:
a day not trolled is a day not lived

Offline HoundDaddyLee

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 290
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Dating
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #23 on: May 03, 2011, 05:33:29 AM »
Wait..you met this women through A-web?
 :dh:

Hi JC,
Yes, I did  :fighting0025: I deserve several head smacks.  :)

This morning I am not so much mad as feeling a little sad. I keep going over my 10 days in Odessa to see if there was a sign I missed. I cannot come up with any. But I am glad I discovered this now instead of later. I agree that if she is doing this now, how bad will it get if we were to get married. But I so enjoyed my trip that I will continue my search for a FSU woman. I will be avoiding MOB agencies and looking at other sources. Plus I am going to learn more Russian to help in my search.

Lee

Offline kievstar

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 830
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: ...and then reality sets in.
« Reply #24 on: May 03, 2011, 07:26:03 AM »
I would not worry much.  Just move on.  Many young women (not just RW) around the world like men to support them and when there is no money they move on.  But before they move on they try to get what they can. 

Not sure what conversations you may have had with this RW but if you talked about having money and being serious with her than $1,000 is not much money for help.  Remember people in Ukraine tend to be more into sharing rather than being greedy. 

If you want a RW, you may consider living in Ukraine for a couple years.  That is the best way to meet someone. 



 

 

Registration