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Author Topic: The Language Barrier And Intimacy  (Read 5234 times)

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Offline mcb885

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The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« on: December 28, 2010, 11:10:57 AM »
I was curious to know people's thoughts on this.  I am heading to Lugansk in about a month, have been talking to a lady for a few months whose english is not that good.  I have been studying her language.  But I was curious to know did the language barrier effect intimacy at all on your trip?

Offline Manny

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2010, 11:29:47 AM »
Language barriers affect all round development of the relationship in my opinion. However, even with minimal communication, I doubt intimacy would be affected too much as one might typically expect that to develop on the first trip come what may.

A very diplomatically worded question if I may say so.  ;D
please tell me where I'm being / have been 'dishonest'? 
Yes, he said that.........

Offline Ste

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2010, 12:48:25 PM »
No language = no relationship.
O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.


Offline Neo_007

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2010, 01:45:41 PM »
This reminds me of the first time I went to Ukraine, I was with a girl who spoke no english and i spoke no russian. bizarrely things seemed to be going OK and she mentioned she wanted to come around and "take a bath". i thought it was a bit of a strange request but presumed she must live in an old soviet apartment building and have no hot water. Anyway she turned up and i showed her their bathroom and went to watch TV. got the shock of my life when she came into the living room in some fancy lingerie and proceed to go to work on the old chap without so much as a "Hello Sailor". I have since learnt with almost all RW that them telling you they are "having a bath" is a invitation for shenanigans and your best bet is not to do what i had previous done and protest "sorry, i don't have a bath!". thus declining jubbly with a fine young lady.

Offline 2tallbill

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2010, 02:53:36 PM »
Her phone English will be different than her in person
English. 70% of communication is nonverbal and it will
be easier to communicate in person than it is over the phone.

You might hire a translator for a day or two for complicated stuff.

A dictionary and a handheld translator will help for words from
time to time. I remember with great pleasure sitting naked on a
bed passing an estaco translator back and forth, and I also
remember learning Russian words for breasts and popkas in
a dark room with a pretty girl and a flashlight.  ;D

So my opinion the answer is no






FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline Vinnvinny

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2010, 04:01:34 PM »
Ye gods please do not speak of such evils around this assemblage as it is frowned upon in some quarters. Apparently, so I’ve been told, one has to declare ones true love and make known a wedding date before any mutual fondling can begin.

No language = no relationship.

A few years ago I used to own a shabby little mongrel called Vic although his name is not so important to him as he was deaf in both ears. Vic the d*ck he was known by due to his rampant nature toward all species with a pulse. Couldn’t speak a word mind ….. only dog I’ve ever seen that could wink and grin, often at the same time.

Offline cufflinks

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2010, 04:36:41 PM »
she mentioned she wanted to come around and "take a bath".

The diplomatic terms of art in the NE USA seem to be:  "Would you like to have some company" "Should I bring an overnight bag?" and "Would you like a back rub?"

Offline Manny

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2010, 04:42:41 PM »
she came into the living room in some fancy lingerie and proceed to go to work on the old chap without so much as a "Hello Sailor".

I couldn't stop laughing at that quote.  :ROFL:

What a doozy of a 1st post. Welcome Neo.  tiphat
please tell me where I'm being / have been 'dishonest'? 
Yes, he said that.........

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2010, 05:05:33 PM »
I can't think that it would hinder intimacy much, but in agreement with Manny and Ste, the important thing is to take the advice of several posters and hire someone at least at first for communication. This is such a big investment, for both, that to make a serious marriage mistake because you didn't understand each other during a long distance courtship would be tragic.

A doctor friend is currently going thru a hell of his own making right now because of communication issues. He is Mormon and at first thought it would be only a matter of time before she converted. She, about 20 years his junior, is not only too young to be a step-Mom to his college age children, but to his surprise now wants to pay more attention to her Orthodox roots, something she had no interest in just a few years back. They've separated and she is now dating local guys and he is torn up over it all.

At almost every turn, from child raising philosophies to home and money management viewpoints, they've been at polar opposites from almost the start. Given that both have strong personalities and hair trigger tempers, the fact that they lasted almost 4 years is a wonder. In their brief courtship he was of the opinion that love would overcome language differences. The simple fact is that neither of them had a clue WHO the other person was when they married.

Offline 2tallbill

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2010, 05:53:04 PM »
This reminds me of the first time I went to Ukraine, I was with a girl who spoke no english and i spoke no russian. bizarrely things seemed to be going OK and she mentioned she wanted to come around and "take a bath". i thought it was a bit of a strange request but presumed she must live in an old soviet apartment building and have no hot water. Anyway she turned up and i showed her their bathroom and went to watch TV. got the shock of my life when she came into the living room in some fancy lingerie and proceed to go to work on the old chap without so much as a "Hello Sailor". I have since learnt with almost all RW that them telling you they are "having a bath" is a invitation for shenanigans and your best bet is not to do what i had previous done and protest "sorry, i don't have a bath!". thus declining jubbly with a fine young lady.

Welcome to the forum Neo

Are you the same Neo as from the old dead forum a long forgotten forum? or a different Neo?
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline cufflinks

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #10 on: December 28, 2010, 05:56:45 PM »
I had a very good Mormon friend in Honolulu who I did some business with - kept trying to get me to consider the faith as a good business networking decision - until I found out about the mandatory 15% contract on your GROSS income to the Mormon Church...  I prefer the Lutheran and Catholic (I assume Orthodox similar) way of putting what you can in an envelope anonymously when they pass the collection baskets ;) 

The idea of contracts with churches were a major culture shock to me - I can imagine what it would like be for a Russian woman 20 years your junior - this guy was clearly in rose colored glasses mode - she must have been a fairly loyal lass as she stayed 2 years pass the mandatory green card period - I was once told by a Russian woman in Boston when I asked if I should bring over a Russian woman and she said quite candidly "Why not - you will get at least 2 good years out of her!"  :8)

Offline ECR844

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #11 on: December 28, 2010, 07:21:43 PM »
"MCB,"" just has to be referring to emotional intimacy. I know  you all are wondering how one could possibly discern such a nugget of fruit laden delight. There is just no freakin way he would be worried about getting laid after chucking 3 grand in the kitty to 'truck on over' to Ukraine. Run the gamut of the highway robbery style taxi drivers  to just go see someone who takes a decent looking picture and maybe see if the signs were right. The road might just be 'slippery when wet'. Yeah...that's it, all right. I'm sure of it, now that I reread his original post. Yeah he worried about their ability to be cunninglinguists whilst sharing more than limbic bliss. Certainly he would not be mattress motivated punter like the average student o smooth wannabe. Any smart 'starik' who has done some due diligence would know better.





*For the forum posting sarcasm impaired...Here's your sign, Pink text = funny+sarcasm. Also I know if he's smart he's not spending 3 grand to get there. Heck Space A on a Frankfurt Am main or Ramstein bound C-17 or C-5 is free for him and it's just a few hundred euro's to Kiev from there. Giddy up GI*

Offline Eduard

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #12 on: December 28, 2010, 07:49:18 PM »
Intimacy is quite possible and even highly probable if there is genuine attraction there in spite, and sometimes even because of the language barrier (do I need to explain this one?).
If she is not a paid agency girl and not a prodater, and has genuine attraction for you your chances are pretty good for intimacy and a lot more.
But when you combine the lack of experience along with the language barrier it may very well result in wasted emotional, financial and time resources.
How did you meet her? How have you been communicating with her?

Offline dbneeley

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #13 on: December 28, 2010, 11:01:37 PM »
I had a very good Mormon friend in Honolulu who I did some business with - kept trying to get me to consider the faith as a good business networking decision - until I found out about the mandatory 15% contract on your GROSS income to the Mormon Church...  I

While I have little use for the Mormon faith for various reasons, I have a sister who became one back in high school. She went to Brigham Young U. and was married in the main temple in Salt Lake City--and her husband is the President of a local congregation while she has some sort of position in the regional organization.

That said, I have no earthly idea what you mean by a "contract". It is true that many Mormons tithe, but by no means is it remotely universal within their church...just as many Christians of more traditional denominations do also.

My objections are primarily to some of the more bizarre claims of their theology, not of any supposed "contract".

David

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2010, 12:33:06 AM »
Just in case Governor Mitt Romney happens to be looking for a RW, I'm hoping to steer the discussion at hand to communication as you think what is meant by the OP's questions.

I think that the long distance, and the expense, of this venture causes men and women to fall into at least the tempation of making a quick and unwise longterm decision which can be mitigated by good overall communication.

Knowing how to make love in someone's native language is a very valid interest as experts call it the language of the heart. While I rarely discuss such issues in public, if you can speak Russian during that time, when you're usually thinking of things other than correct noun cases and verb conjugation, it means you've mastered at least some basic thought/speech patterns which can be spoken instinctively.  tiphat

OTOH, speaking English at those times can be cool cause with those paper thin walls the neighbors on all sides probably know what you're doing, but have no idea what you're saying about it.  :chuckle:

Offline Eduard

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #15 on: December 29, 2010, 12:41:35 AM »
hope this helps: Oh yes, oh yes! = О да, о да!
 :P

Offline MissileMe

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #16 on: December 29, 2010, 08:50:50 AM »
Ste said "no language =no relationship".  True. If you mean relationship as in a Jane Austin novel kinda way.
Pent House forum type of intimacy is very possible without language.  Well technically it is body language or the language of love.

But without being overly and deliberately crass, intimacy as in sex is very much possible without language.

Intimacy in that sense all depends upon:
1.  How horny each party is.
2.  How desperately a man wants a woman.
3.  How desperately she wants to get the hell out of her stink hole.
4.  How much alcohol you have in your blood.  Too much and it will make your drive withers and shrink away.
5.  How much money you have.

I could go on and on  but that would be too much.  Just remember a few things here.

A man has two heads.  When one head gets the blood, the other gets no blood.
Try them before you buy them may not be a great idea in a country that has a very high HIV rate.

All said and done, I still do believe that you can "tickle" her correctly if you spoke the language. 

BTW, most of you are reading too much Jane Austin.  LOL

Offline Neo_007

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Re: The language barrier and intimacy
« Reply #17 on: December 29, 2010, 09:57:29 AM »
This reminds me of the first time I went to Ukraine, I was with a girl who spoke no english and i spoke no russian. bizarrely things seemed to be going OK and she mentioned she wanted to come around and "take a bath". i thought it was a bit of a strange request but presumed she must live in an old soviet apartment building and have no hot water. Anyway she turned up and i showed her their bathroom and went to watch TV. got the shock of my life when she came into the living room in some fancy lingerie and proceed to go to work on the old chap without so much as a "Hello Sailor". I have since learnt with almost all RW that them telling you they are "having a bath" is a invitation for shenanigans and your best bet is not to do what i had previous done and protest "sorry, i don't have a bath!". thus declining jubbly with a fine young lady.

Welcome to the forum Neo

Are you the same Neo as from the old dead forum a long forgotten forum? or a different Neo?

Hi Bill,

Yes I am the "original" Neo from a long forgotten forum back in the day.

Thanks for the welcome from you and manny.



Offline mendeleyev

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #18 on: December 29, 2010, 10:13:27 AM »
Quote
Try them before you buy them may not be a great idea in a country that has a very high HIV rate.

Not getting better in either Russia or Ukraine. Government data says that while Russia (Ukraine with similar numbes) has more people living with HIV/AIDS than any other country in Europe and 4 out of 10 Russians believe it is not possible for them to be at risk of HIV/AIDS.

Alarmingly, 2/3 of the people living in the FSU with HIV do not know about their status.

Sobering info here: www.stopspid.ru


Offline Ste

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #19 on: December 29, 2010, 10:29:56 AM »
Quote
Try them before you buy them may not be a great idea in a country that has a very high HIV rate.

Not getting better in either Russia or Ukraine. Government data says that while Russia (Ukraine with similar numbes) has more people living with HIV/AIDS than any other country in Europe and 4 out of 10 Russians believe it is not possible for them to be at risk of HIV/AIDS.

Alarmingly, 2/3 of the people living in the FSU with HIV do not know about their status.

Sobering info here: www.stopspid.ru

I am reminded of the Zemfira song SPID;

"U tebya SPID..." ie "You have AIDS, you're gonna die soon or summert..." I remember hearing 'umer'...
 
Bit of a shocker at the time ISTR....



O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.

Online msmoby

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #20 on: December 29, 2010, 10:37:06 AM »
Sorry to 'teach Grandma to suck eggs'(sic)  but I'd be a lot more worried about [REALLY ]getting to know her .. you may well get intimate but what you might also 'get' -that could effect the rest of your life- is surely more relevant..?





 



Offline Muzh_1

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #21 on: December 29, 2010, 11:13:50 AM »
Ste said "no language =no relationship".  True. If you mean relationship as in a Jane Austin novel kinda way.
Pent House forum type of intimacy is very possible without language.  Well technically it is body language or the language of love.

But without being overly and deliberately crass, intimacy as in sex is very much possible without language.

Intimacy in that sense all depends upon:
1.  How horny each party is.
2.  How desperately a man wants a woman.
3.  How desperately she wants to get the hell out of her stink hole.
4.  How much alcohol you have in your blood.  Too much and it will make your drive withers and shrink away.
5.  How much money you have.

I could go on and on  but that would be too much.  Just remember a few things here.

A man has two heads.  When one head gets the blood, the other gets no blood.
Try them before you buy them may not be a great idea in a country that has a very high HIV rate.

All said and done, I still do believe that you can "tickle" her correctly if you spoke the language. 

BTW, most of you are reading too much Jane Austin.  LOL

Spot on.

If you are talking about developing a relationship, then communications is vital.

If you want to get intimate, a plain "Me Tarzan, you Jane" will suffice.

But without being overly and deliberately crass, intimacy as in sex is very much possible without language.

During my wild days living in the tropics I could not converse in English nor French but that never stoped me from knowing (in the biblical sense) gringas, Canadia or French residents.  :evilgrin0002:

Offline kenny2112

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #22 on: December 29, 2010, 11:49:09 AM »
.....but I'd be a lot more worried about [REALLY ]getting to know her ..

Spot on buddy! For me, getting to know my girl is the most important thing and the more I get to know her the more I like her. I have to say that between me and my girl this seems to be an issue. I am learning Russian and she is learning English and at one point she told me through the interp that there are many things that she wants to tell me but she doesn't know the English words. I took this to mean, private things.

I am trying to learn Russian because I want to be able to communicate with her. It's on me as a man to do this in my eyes... do what is necessary to make this all happen and learning Russian is just part of it.

It really isn't that difficult. You're not going to be fluent in a month but a few bucks and some time invested in listening to some mp3s and books should mean something to her and probably her family. If nothing else, you'll be a more well rounded human being. After all, how many of your high school buddies speak more than 4 words in Russian? (goodbye, granny, yes and no)

Offline Eduard

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #23 on: December 29, 2010, 02:28:56 PM »
Sorry to 'teach Grandma to suck eggs'(sic)  but I'd be a lot more worried about [REALLY ]getting to know her .. you may well get intimate but what you might also 'get' -that could effect the rest of your life- is surely more relevant..?
Excellent point, Marik ;-)

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: The Language Barrier And Intimacy
« Reply #24 on: December 29, 2010, 03:28:21 PM »
Quote
I am trying to learn Russian because I want to be able to communicate with her. It's on me as a man to do this in my eyes... do what is necessary to make this all happen and learning Russian is just part of it.

It really isn't that difficult. You're not going to be fluent in a month but a few bucks and some time invested in listening to some mp3s and books should mean something to her and probably her family. If nothing else, you'll be a more well rounded human being. After all, how many of your high school buddies speak more than 4 words in Russian?

Great attitude!

As to her having things to tell you but not having the words, I'd read that as more of her liking you more and more and wanting to share thoughts on a deeper level and more indepth, not just intimacy. That is a compliment from her to you.