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Author Topic: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva  (Read 2153 times)

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Offline jontheresearcher

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Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« on: December 21, 2010, 07:36:03 PM »
Hello. My name is Jon and I'm a researcher for a television show on Lifetime called Drop Dead Diva. It's my job to make sure our program is as accurate as possible, and I'm hoping you could assist us with some questions we have about mail order brides.  I often rely on discussion forums to get answers since people most knowledgeable about certain topics are the ones checking the forums.

Hopefully you can look at these and offer your thoughts? We would truly appreciate any help here.

1. Would you know if the mail order brides get paid for their "job?"  From what I've researched, they do not but we wanted to make sure. 

2. Do these women owe the company money that they need to pay back which requires them to stay with the guy in US for any length of time? And if so how long? 

3. Might you have any idea how exactly mail order bride companies vette the women they put on their website? Do they check to make sure they're age, info, etc. is all correct?

4. And finally are these international match making websites credible, legal and on the up and up (from an American business standard) or are most run out of a shady apartment abroad? I would venture to guess there are some legit companies and some illegitimate, but would love your opinion.

I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.

Sincerely,


Jon W | Researcher
_______________________
Drop Dead Diva
Lifetime Television

Offline Paul

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2010, 08:03:08 PM »
I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.

LOL

Offline BelleZeBoob

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2010, 08:10:17 PM »
I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.

LOL

Same reaction here on the Russian women's part.  :chuckle: :laugh:
Men are like Bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like Wi-Fi: she sees all available devices, but connects to the strongest one.


Online 2tallbill

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2010, 08:12:37 PM »

1. Would you know if the mail order brides get paid for their "job?"  From what I've researched, they do not but we wanted to make sure.  

Are you aware of the emancipation proclamation? In 1862 it became illegal to buy
or sell other people in the United States, surprisingly this law seems to cover buying
a woman for marriage purposes as well.

There are a million myths out there and I am absolutely sure that you have
been confused by a few of them but lets talk about the first question first.

What job are you talking about?


Offline MND

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2010, 10:05:39 PM »

Offline Eduard

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2010, 10:29:29 PM »
Hello. My name is Jon and I'm a researcher for a television show on Lifetime called Drop Dead Diva. It's my job to make sure our program is as accurate as possible, and I'm hoping you could assist us with some questions we have about mail order brides.  I often rely on discussion forums to get answers since people most knowledgeable about certain topics are the ones checking the forums.

Hopefully you can look at these and offer your thoughts? We would truly appreciate any help here.

1. Would you know if the mail order brides get paid for their "job?"  From what I've researched, they do not but we wanted to make sure. 

2. Do these women owe the company money that they need to pay back which requires them to stay with the guy in US for any length of time? And if so how long? 

3. Might you have any idea how exactly mail order bride companies vette the women they put on their website? Do they check to make sure they're age, info, etc. is all correct?

4. And finally are these international match making websites credible, legal and on the up and up (from an American business standard) or are most run out of a shady apartment abroad? I would venture to guess there are some legit companies and some illegitimate, but would love your opinion.

I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.

Sincerely,


Jon W | Researcher
_______________________
Drop Dead Diva
Lifetime Television

Jon,
I know that there is a number of people on this forum that can answer just about any question you might have pertaining to the subject of marrying an FSU woman and bringing her to the US, but the way you are asking your questions shows that you really are clueless about this subject yet have many preconceived mythical ideas that are turning people off right from the get go. I suggest that you spend some time reading the forum, educate yourself a bit, then ask your questions. It would probably work a lot better for you. Welcome to the forum, by the way!
Ed

Offline leeholsen

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2010, 11:03:25 PM »

good job john. you have further stamped the  non-thinking producer stereotype into reality.

why dont you spend 8 hours here and find out what goes on thru typical RUA marriages is more similar to eharmony than a "mail order" system.
Eat 'em up Houston Cougars !

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2010, 11:07:10 PM »
Jon, I met my wife while working in Russia and you'll find that more of a few marriages begin that way.

Saves on postage, too.  :)

However in all seriousness, you need sensationalism. That is why you're doing the topic in the first place as Lifetime didn't just fall into the reputation as being the man-hating channel by accident. I've spend my lifetime in media as a professional occupation and "ordinary" and "normal" doesn't cut it in the quest for Nielsen ratings.

Your producers won't allow you to air an accurate show. It wouldn't sell.

Offline Donhollio

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2010, 11:18:52 PM »
I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.

 Your attempting to be serious or sincere?  Media....  You guys couldn't get a story correct in this dating sphere because you feel it'll be boring, and viewers will tune it out.  I understand this after all you've help made the TV viewers in to a bunch of A.D.D  retards.
 A few years ago I was invited to go on Tyra Banks and discuss 'international dating.'  Having never been to Hollywood, a pal and myself headed off for a couple of days fully paid by the CBS studio.  Before leaving home I spoke to some person on the production staff as to what the show was all about.  What she explained to me , and what the show was really all about was a complete opposite.
 Unfortunately, while in the green room the staffer wanted me to run some lines for the answers they wanted to Tyra's questions. I wasn't buying it, but played along with her answers. My pal then starts up some wild stories how I hate local girls and I wouldn't date any of them... her eyes lit up, and minutes later she left the room.
  On the set, the show went from  'International dating and relationships" to, 'How I bought my mail order bride'  I sat in the crowd waiting my cue to answer, and delivered my answers, not theirs.  But the final edit did have me in the show, and all my lines were cut midway, or from the beginning to suit their skewed agenda.

 All was not wasted however as my pal and I took in the Hollywood strip, and saw some live music at one of the clubs I had seen so many times on TV. Rung up the hotel bill to just cents shy of our limit, and took off home hours later. The biggest waste of time was going to CBS, but thats what happens when you get a free trip.
 
 I can sssure you no one here is going to think you're about to deliver a honest objective show on normal socialable men searching for love, when theres too many creepy guys out there.
 So with that why no enlighten us as to what this segment is really going to focus on, after all we'll be able to compare notes now and after it airs.  :coffeeread:


 Answering your 4 questions will serve us no purpose as you'll 'try' as you say to make the episode as realistic as possible.

Offline dbneeley

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2010, 11:56:28 PM »
Jon,

If you are serious, the first thing is to lose the "mail order bride" label. It is both inaccurate and offensive.

Let's say you met your wife or girlfriend at a night club. Would you then refer to her as a "bar girl bride?" That would be far more accurate than the "mail order bride" term you seem addicted to using.

When you stop using questions that seem to be loaded to constitute a predetermined agenda, folks here may begin to take you more seriously.

David

Offline RG

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2010, 11:02:16 AM »
I'm in agreement with the others, believing it's highly unlikely a non-sensationalized truthful show will result, but I'll answer the questions to say we tried.
I would also suggest highly you spend a few weeks reading the already existing topics, experiences with different agencies and such to get a real representation of the "truth," if that is the intent at all.  If you simply want sensationalism, search for information on tours such as A Foreign Affair/loveme.com/AFA, where I believe they have claimed they shut down tours to some areas due to the areas economic improvements, implying that it's all finance based.  You could then join the "me too!" pretend journalism crowd.  tiphat

Hello. My name is Jon and I'm a researcher for a television show on Lifetime called Drop Dead Diva. It's my job to make sure our program is as accurate as possible, and I'm hoping you could assist us with some questions we have about mail order brides.  I often rely on discussion forums to get answers since people most knowledgeable about certain topics are the ones checking the forums.

Hopefully you can look at these and offer your thoughts? We would truly appreciate any help here.

1. Would you know if the mail order brides get paid for their "job?"  From what I've researched, they do not but we wanted to make sure. 

Highly questionable agencies may well pay some up to most of their girls (which may or may not be actual women) to write messages, or in some cases, web chat and such.  My own opinion is that it's certainly a temptation for sites that charge per letter/message, knowing that relatively few men ever make it to the plane - easy money for them as the saying of a fool and his money goes..there are documented cases of this, from women previously working for some agencies, from trip reports where the woman confirmed she had never seen a single one of a suitor's messages (yet someone was responding), do some reading.  

For most of us, the term "Mail Order Bride" is pretty offensive, and the term itself is used nowadays simply to sensationalize and mis-represent information.  There is (virtually, but see further on) no way to marry someone sight unseen, although the agencies that use the term the most, along with those charging "per letter" are usually among the worst offenders.  In the past, there definitely was a higher level of mis-understanding of the West, thinking all is lined with gold, or believing soap operas accurately represented the American (or other Western countries) lifestyle, and while this still exists in some cases, technology has made the world smaller, and certainly reduced these impressions.  In general, this is a good thing IMO, as it tends to make the unscrupulous guys that might intentionally mislead someone more likely to fail.  

Skype, Facebook, as well as other social and dating sites, some free or much more like the US Match.com site, all contribute to significant changes in this pursuit, most of which are for the positive.  Given an address, a potential girlfriend can check your house on Google Earth, find your resume, and various other bits of information.

Quote
2. Do these women owe the company money that they need to pay back which requires them to stay with the guy in US for any length of time? And if so how long? 
As mentioned, this would be entirely illegal and represent immigration fraud.  Perhaps you should spend some time looking at the USCIS site and those of other countries?  You might also want to look up IMBRA and VAWA.  If you wanted to be different, you might actually do some research into how much false domestic violence is claimed in order for some unscrupulous women to get a green card and take her "husband" to the cleaners.  (Note - sadly, DV certainly does happen, whether a marriage is domestic or international in nature.  I make no defense for actual DV, but believe as with many laws, this is often abused with little or no proof of actual violence).

There is some "benefit" to a woman staying married for 2+ years in the US, as at that time, a conditional green card can turn into permanent.  If a marriage dissolves before that point, without domestic violence or some unusual circumstances, the woman may be forced to leave the country.  After the 2+ years, she becomes effectively a permanent resident then able to pursue citizenship, married or not.

Quote
3. Might you have any idea how exactly mail order bride companies vette the women they put on their website? Do they check to make sure they're age, info, etc. is all correct?
This varies highly by agency or site.  Some sites, free or those like the Match.com subscription model, may not [sic]"vette" women at all, some may optionall verify based on a Passport, phone call, or in office visit.  It's similar for "agencies," while some may also post random pictures without the girl knowing at all, or may simply get profiles from affiliate companies, with or without the woman knowing.

Quote
4. And finally are these international match making websites credible, legal and on the up and up (from an American business standard) or are most run out of a shady apartment abroad? I would venture to guess there are some legit companies and some illegitimate, but would love your opinion.
At least you've stopped using the MOB term in this sentence. ;D  
I would not necessarily base credibility on the size of an office.  I believe AFA has several, but there are many reports of "less than satisfaction" involving them.  Some "agencies" may have larger offices but rely on "feeder" agencies for their profiles; those feeder agencies may or may not in turn be honest or credible.  
From a legality standpoint, again, you'll want to research IMBRA, for US folks at least.  This requires any "agency" or matchmaking site focused on international marriage to gather some information about criminal history from US male clients, and to present this information to a woman.  As there certainly is no selling of women (sorry?), what is left regarding legality?  

Many of those that have done their homework before looking into international dating ignore the majority of the "agencies" that charge per letter, force you to use their translators, their rental arrangements and such, in favor of more open forms of communication, and ones less likely to "tempt" such agencies into faking correspondence for a $ or two.  That doesn't mean the "MOB Myths" aren't advertised heavily - Russian women being subservient (hah!), preferring older men, not caring about appearance - the list goes on and on.  Feel free to ask Wild Orchid, Alenika, or BelleZeBoob how "subservient" they are, and read what they write.

That doesn't mean there isn't some amount of truth to some of the "myths," but you might want to read some of the threads on "why did you decide to pursue an FSUW" if you want a good cross section of reasons, as well as searching for "myths" on this forum for much dissertation on the subject.  Sadly, that also doesn't mean there aren't tons of somewhat clueless men out there believing they "deserve" some beautiful, intelligent woman half their age.  The power of advertising, meeting the powers of delusion and laziness.

You'll find a range of reasons as to why men may decide to pursue an FSU woman, which might make for a more interesting story, as among them depending on the person you will certainly see maturity, loyalty, intelligence, values, fitness, attractiveness, and others often enough cited.

Quote
I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.
I suppose we'll see.  When is the show scheduled?



Offline Manny

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2010, 12:42:04 PM »
The silly stuff from this topic is now here: Do Mail-Order Brides Really Come In Shipping Crates?.

Lets give the fellow from the Oestrogen Channel a chance shall we?

Offline Muzh_1

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2010, 01:08:06 PM »
Wanna bet this is what Jon read?


I'm in agreement with the others, believing it's highly unlikely a non-sensationalized truthful show will result, but I'll answer the questions to say we tried.
I would also suggest highly you spend a few weeks reading the already existing topics, experiences with different agencies and such to get a real representation of the "truth," if that is the intent at all.  
If you simply want sensationalism, search for information on tours such as A Foreign Affair/loveme.com/AFA, where I believe they have claimed they shut down tours to some areas due to the areas economic improvements, implying that it's all finance based.  You could then join the "me too!" pretend journalism crowd.  tiphat

Highly questionable agencies may well pay some up to most of their girls (which may or may not be actual women) to write messages, or in some cases, web chat and such.  My own opinion is that it's certainly a temptation for sites that charge per letter/message, knowing that relatively few men ever make it to the plane - easy money for them as the saying of a fool and his money goes..there are documented cases of this, from women previously working for some agencies, from trip reports where the woman confirmed she had never seen a single one of a suitor's messages (yet someone was responding), do some reading.  

For most of us, the term "Mail Order Bride" is pretty offensive, and the term itself is used nowadays simply to sensationalize and mis-represent information.  There is (virtually, but see further on) no way to marry someone sight unseen, although the agencies that use the term the most, along with those charging "per letter" are usually among the worst offenders.  In the past, there definitely was a higher level of mis-understanding of the West, thinking all is lined with gold, or believing soap operas accurately represented the American (or other Western countries) lifestyle, and while this still exists in some cases, technology has made the world smaller, and certainly reduced these impressions.  In general, this is a good thing IMO, as it tends to make the unscrupulous guys that might intentionally mislead someone more likely to fail.  

Skype, Facebook, as well as other social and dating sites, some free or much more like the US Match.com site, all contribute to significant changes in this pursuit, most of which are for the positive.  Given an address, a potential girlfriend can check your house on Google Earth, find your resume, and various other bits of information.
Quote
2. Do these women owe the company money that they need to pay back which requires them to stay with the guy in US for any length of time? And if so how long?  

As mentioned, this would be entirely illegal and represent immigration fraud.  Perhaps you should spend some time looking at the USCIS site and those of other countries?  You might also want to look up IMBRA and VAWA.  If you wanted to be different, you might actually do some research into how much false domestic violence is claimed in order for some unscrupulous women to get a green card and take her "husband" to the cleaners.  (Note - sadly, DV certainly does happen, whether a marriage is domestic or international in nature.  I make no defense for actual DV, but believe as with many laws, this is often abused with little or no proof of actual violence).
There is some "benefit" to a woman staying married for 2+ years in the US, as at that time, a conditional green card can turn into permanent.  If a marriage dissolves before that point, without domestic violence or some unusual circumstances, the woman may be forced to leave the country.  After the 2+ years, she becomes effectively a permanent resident then able to pursue citizenship, married or not.

Quote
3. Might you have any idea how exactly mail order bride companies vette the women they put on their website? Do they check to make sure they're age, info, etc. is all correct?

This varies highly by agency or site.  Some sites, free or those like the Match.com subscription model, may not [sic]"vette" women at all, some may optionall verify based on a Passport, phone call, or in office visit.  It's similar for "agencies," while some may also post random pictures without the girl knowing at all, or may simply get profiles from affiliate companies, with or without the woman knowing.

Quote
4. And finally are these international match making websites credible, legal and on the up and up (from an American business standard) or are most run out of a shady apartment abroad? I would venture to guess there are some legit companies and some illegitimate, but would love your opinion.

At least you've stopped using the MOB term in this sentence. ;D  
I would not necessarily base
credibility on the size of an office.  I believe AFA has several, but there are many reports of "less than satisfaction" involving them.  Some "agencies" may have larger offices but rely on "feeder" agencies for their profiles; those feeder agencies may or may not in turn be honest or credible.  
From a legality standpoint, again, you'll want to research IMBRA, for US folks at least.  This requires any "agency" or matchmaking site focused on international marriage to gather some information about criminal history from US male clients, and to present this information to a woman.  As there certainly is no selling of women (sorry?), what is left regarding legality?  

Many of those that have done their homework before looking into international dating ignore the majority of the "agencies" that charge per letter, force you to use their translators, their rental arrangements and such, in favor of more open forms of communication, and ones less likely to "tempt" such agencies into faking correspondence for a $ or two.  That doesn't mean the "MOB Myths" aren't advertised heavily - Russian women being subservient (hah!), preferring older men, not caring about appearance - the list goes on and on.  Feel free to ask Wild Orchid, Alenika, or BelleZeBoob how "subservient" they are, and read what they write.

That doesn't mean there isn't some amount of truth to some of the "myths," but you might want to read some of the threads on "why did you decide to pursue an FSUW" if you want a good cross section of reasons, as well as searching for "myths" on this forum for much dissertation on the subject.  Sadly, that also doesn't mean there aren't tons of somewhat clueless men out there believing they "deserve" some beautiful, intelligent woman half their age.  The power of advertising, meeting the powers of delusion and laziness.

You'll find a range of reasons as to why men may decide to pursue an FSU woman, which might make for a more interesting story, as among them depending on the person you will certainly see maturity, loyalty, intelligence, values, fitness, attractiveness, and others often enough cited.

Quote
I appreciate any help you could provide as we try to make our episode as realistic as possible.
I suppose we'll see.  When is the show scheduled?

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2010, 02:06:45 PM »
Jon,

Every single solitary show on foreign brides has the same exact theme and
you will not be allowed to deviate from the theme in any way.

The theme regarding men is
1. All men who seek a foreign woman is a loser / social misfit
2. All men who seek a foreign woman wants a subservient wife
half his age
4. Many men who seek a foreign woman will beat her or kill her

The theme regarding women is
1. These women are desperate
2. These women will marry anybody to get out of their
horrible and destitute life.
3. Many of these women are scammers
4. Many of these women are gullible and uneducated.
NONE of these things about women from the FSU is accurate.
a Russian woman is subservient  :chuckle:  ;D :laugh:  :laugh: that is a
good one, I still laugh every single time I hear it.  :chuckle: ;D :laugh:


You will search high and low to find examples of such men and women
and to follow the theme. It will be easy to find examples of the men, I would
say that about half are clueless and about half have their act together.

You need a woman who doesn't speak English very well and you can say
whatever you want about her and her situation.

Udachi

Bill

Offline skiingandrunning

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Re: Question from the Television Drop Dead Diva
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2010, 03:25:20 PM »
Jon,

Every single solitary show on foreign brides has the same exact theme and
you will not be allowed to deviate from the theme in any way.

The theme regarding men is
1. All men who seek a foreign woman is a loser / social misfit
2. All men who seek a foreign woman wants a subservient wife
half his age
4. Many men who seek a foreign woman will beat her or kill her

Bill, Actually what Jon will think is that most men in this pursuit can't count to 3...I hope you don't mind the joke as I'm one of the worst offenders when it comes to thinking one thing and typing another.
:chuckle: :laugh: