am i being scammed by professional dater?

[jk1973]

how can i know for certain that i am not being scammed? i have been communicating with a girl from Belarus since early march. i have done quite a bit of research and come to a conclusion. she is who she says she is. i haven't found her on any scammers lists, her email address doesn't raise any red flags and she has given me all her personal info. she has only sent me around 5 pictures and i have even researched the pictures to see when they were taken. she answers most of questions in her emails and we met through a agency that i researched and found to be very reputable. after reading blogs and listening to others my hesitation comes from a reading about a guy who met someone and visited her and she turned out to be a professional dater. she took him for some rent money for an apartment he stayed at while visiting her and she took his phone. also is it common for a girl not to ask many questions? i asked her why she doesn't and she replied that she wants me to share with her when i feel comfortable doing so. i plan on seeing her in july unless someone can give me a good reason why i shouldn't!! thanks for any help!

[Manny]

my hesitation comes from a reading about a guy who met someone and visited her and she turned out to be a professional dater. she took him for some rent money for an apartment he stayed at while visiting her and she took his phone.

This guy you read about, his experience was with a different woman yes?

[jk1973]

yes it was a different woman

[Manny]

Are you in direct communication with her, speaking on the phone, SMS messages, etc? Or is there some agency still playing "piggy in the middle" here?

[BCKev]

Nothing that you have written gives me any suspicion that there is a scam going on. For what reasons do you think/suspect there is a scam?

[Rasputin]

after reading blogs and listening to others my hesitation comes from a reading about a guy who met someone and visited her and she turned out to be a professional dater. she took him for some rent money for an apartment he stayed at while visiting her and she took his phone

Nobody can guarantee you that the first woman that you meet will the one. You may end up going to Belarus and coming back with nothing but memories. If the thought of spending money on a trip with no guarantees, then you would be best to stay home.

As for the other stuff, you are ultimately in control of your own money. You can rent apartments on your own and you don't have to give your phone to anybody if you don't want to. If you don't want to spend any money, just say "nyet" and you will avoid most scams IMHO

Now, hopefully, you are not paying some agency to write to this woman or chat with her online...

[RG]

how can i know for certain that i am not being scammed? i have been communicating with a girl from Belarus since early march. i have done quite a bit of research and come to a conclusion. she is who she says she is. i haven't found her on any scammers lists, her email address doesn't raise any red flags and she has given me all her personal info. she has only sent me around 5 pictures and i have even researched the pictures to see when they were taken. she answers most of questions in her emails and we met through a agency that i researched and found to be very reputable. after reading blogs and listening to others my hesitation comes from a reading about a guy who met someone and visited her and she turned out to be a professional dater. she took him for some rent money for an apartment he stayed at while visiting her and she took his phone. also is it common for a girl not to ask many questions? i asked her why she doesn't and she replied that she wants me to share with her when i feel comfortable doing so. i plan on seeing her in july unless someone can give me a good reason why i shouldn't!! thanks for any help!

Way too little information, really.  "Even researched when pictures were taken" = what, two clicks on any competent photo program?  Hardly rocket science.    It's also not infallible; the extended photo data can be modified very easily, and can also be wrong - remove the battery from many cameras and they will reset their date.  

There are no magic rules; yes, certainly Google her name and email address, but finding nothing there won't exactly guarantee a life of bliss together.  It helps to reduce the chances of someone being a scammer, but nothing is 100%.  The best single thing you can do is get to know her, beyond a picture and trivial conversation.  All FSUW aren't the same; some will ask lots of questions, and some few, there is no conclusion to be drawn there.

In the little that you wrote, I see nothing wrong, although her cell phone very likely has a camera on it, you might want to try to get a few more.  Beyond that, people can tend to see scams everywhere, including places they are not.  It may not always be easy to strike a balance between healthy caution and simply keeping your eyes and ears open, versus "seeing scammers everywhere," but the only real advice I have on this is to get to know her better, and to make sure you are in direct contact with her, with no third party or agency middleman, preferably.

[skiingandrunning]

also is it common for a girl not to ask many questions?

Each person is different and she might just be an introvert.  I went on a few dates with a RW I met on a flight back from Russia once, when I was with her it felt like I was always engaged in a monologue as she would look at me and smile and ask me to tell her more stories.  Language was not a problem as she was getting her PhD in the USA, she was just an introvert and this might be the case with your lady.  In the end, I needed a dialog so I ended the relationship and it's those type of must have/can't stand items that you probably should be thinking about more than if she's a professional dater.   

[jk1973]

i am in direct communication with her... through email. she has given me her phone number but the handful of times that i have tried calling, there is no answer. she tells me that it is best to call after 21.00 (9:00?). she said she is going to make arrangements for an apartment for me. is this common practice? are there any stats on scammers being from large cities vs. small towns? she lives in khotimsk which is relatively small. she also gave me her address for my visa info. i guess i am a little paranoid from researching and hearing about all the scammers out there.

[dbneeley]

i am in direct communication with her... through email. she has given me her phone number but the handful of times that i have tried calling, there is no answer. she tells me that it is best to call after 21.00 (9:00?). she said she is going to make arrangements for an apartment for me. is this common practice? are there any stats on scammers being from large cities vs. small towns? she lives in khotimsk which is relatively small. she also gave me her address for my visa info. i guess i am a little paranoid from researching and hearing about all the scammers out there.

Yes, it is common for a lady to help secure an apartment, especially in a smaller town that receives few foreign visitors.

How could there be reliable statistics on small town vs. large city scammers? And what possible difference would it make--when all you are seeking is to find out if this single lady is honest or not. This is not a game of percentages, it's real life.

So far, I have heard nothing from you that would indicate a scam--but you will simply have to visit to find out. However, it seems instead you are looking for ways to avoid it. If that is the case, stop wasting her time and go back to your computer and your dreams.

I visited a lady back in 2000 in just such a town. She is enjoying a snack while watching TV on the bed next to me at the moment, in fact, although we're living in a much larger city these days here in Ukraine.

As long as you have enough common sense to pour water out of a boot that has the instructions printed on the heel, you should be fine...unless you let your imagination continue to run wild giving you reasons not to move off dead center and pursue your dreams to make them reality.

David

[jk1973]

i'm not looking for reasons to avoid going, i want to cover all the bases so i don't waste my time. i'm 99% sure this isn't a scam but you never know.

[Markje]

I heard nothing suspicious so far.

The only thing I haven't seen mentioned by the other guys :

Be aware that some guys really can't stand being rejected and try and hurt some ladies reputation on purpose.

If There's only 1 person to report her, I would not worry.

Mark.

[Manny]

i'm 99% sure this isn't a scam but you never know.

I would happily travel on 80% good gut feeling. If I had 99% I wouldn't hesitate.

You need to get her into telephone conversations before you visit. Does she speak English at all?

The bit about not asking questions of you - what type of stuff were you expected to be asked that she hasn't done?

It may be the case that she wont make any emotional investment or try too hard until you have showed up - only then are you actually real. Consider it from both sides. There are a lot of Keyboard Romeos out there. She may have corresponded with one or two before.

[TomT]

jk,

Why would you even consider visiting someone whom you have not spoken to on the telephone?

[Rasputin]

i am in direct communication with her... through email. she has given me her phone number but the handful of times that i have tried calling, there is no answer. she tells me that it is best to call after 21.00 (9:00?). she said she is going to make arrangements for an apartment for me. is this common practice? are there any stats on scammers being from large cities vs. small towns? she lives in khotimsk which is relatively small. she also gave me her address for my visa info. i guess i am a little paranoid from researching and hearing about all the scammers out there.

Let's see, she wants to help you by making arrangements. I wouldn't send money in advance to pay for the apartment and I would check here or elsewhere to see if the price she is giving you is in the right ballpark, but otherwise what do you have to lose? You have to be cautious, but there is no need to be so fearful.

[LoyalMan]

She is not interested in you at all!!!     

She doesn't ask you any daily living thing!!!   

[alenika]

She doesn't ask you any daily living thing!!!   

Earlier I was not asking questions either, considered this to be pushy, wanted the talk flow naturally. Just if someone wouldn't share things of themselves without me asking questions, I'd move on, but wouldn't ask questions still.

[dbneeley]

She is not interested in you at all!!!     

She doesn't ask you any daily living thing!!!   

This is the kind of "advice" which is easy to give...and it neglects the simple fact that people are all different. Some are shy, for example. Some may not want to make a large emotional investment prior to meeting (often because of having been burned before). Also, responding to one person's very rudimentary account of the situation can be a problem as well.

There are always times when it is easy to blow off what may have been a very good potential relationship if you care to. However, making this kind of judgement when you really don't have a clue about the personalities involved is not doing anyone any favors.

Of course, when one is "committed" but has no real experience beyond a bare beginning, that may be expected.

David

[petei69]

Hi I would like to through in my 2 cents worth, and this advice was given to me;

Take control over your trip and you do what is required to arrange all, yes of course there are stories here of ladies who have arranged these for men, but think of it this way, you get to go on a trip to a place you may not have been, and your about to spend time with someone who may like you very much, there is no substitute for meeting someone in person, I know and I have done this myself.

Don’t be afraid of what might happen, if you feel like you are going to get scammed, you will see and read the signs, if you take control over your trip, you will reduce the risks, and if you are to bring such things as the latest mobile phone and it gets, taken/stolen/lost, who cares insurance will cover this, as long as you simply enjoy yourself look after yourself and respect the company your with, you will be fine.

Don’t start to flash your money around, and of course you are able to be generous, but also cautious. I travelled to both Russia and Ukraine alone, and I would jump straight on a plane tomorrow, just for the fact that im going (possibly) to spend sometime with a very nice person, even better, if you feel she could be the one.

Relax, enjoy and smile you will love it,